Husband doesn't communicate much
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2021
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Husband doesn't communicate much
My husband has been sober since December 28th. He is attending AA 3 times a week and seeing a therapist individually and as a couple with me.
He doesn't share his feelings or thoughts much. He says he feels good or is fine when I ask him any questions, but that is where the communication ends. Any words of advice?
He doesn't share his feelings or thoughts much. He says he feels good or is fine when I ask him any questions, but that is where the communication ends. Any words of advice?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Hi Learning, I'm glad to hear your husband has sought help for his alcohol addiction issues. I hope he sticks with it and can regain his health.
He is still very, very early into his recovery journey. He probably isn't ready to talk about it just yet. He is likely working through a lot of things in his head, as well as battling back his compulsion to drink. This is a new way of being for him, he needs to get used to it.
I'm not sure what it is you are asking advice about. Do you want advice on how to make your husband communicate? Because if that's what you are asking, I don't think their is a suitable answer. He should get to decide how much and what he wants to share, and with whom.
I understand that as his wife you just want to be as supportive as you can be. Now he is sober you want to talk to him and help him through this difficult transition period. I get that!!! The problem is, this is something he has to figure out on his own. The early recovery period can be very stressful for spouses. Are you getting any help for yourself? Do you have support other than your husband? Have you considered Alanon? Have you read "Codependent No More" ?
He is still very, very early into his recovery journey. He probably isn't ready to talk about it just yet. He is likely working through a lot of things in his head, as well as battling back his compulsion to drink. This is a new way of being for him, he needs to get used to it.
I'm not sure what it is you are asking advice about. Do you want advice on how to make your husband communicate? Because if that's what you are asking, I don't think their is a suitable answer. He should get to decide how much and what he wants to share, and with whom.
I understand that as his wife you just want to be as supportive as you can be. Now he is sober you want to talk to him and help him through this difficult transition period. I get that!!! The problem is, this is something he has to figure out on his own. The early recovery period can be very stressful for spouses. Are you getting any help for yourself? Do you have support other than your husband? Have you considered Alanon? Have you read "Codependent No More" ?
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Join Date: Jan 2021
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I am reading Codependency for Dummies. I too am going to one on one therapy sessions. Have realized I need to dive into spending more time with supportive positive friends who are good listeners. I plan to check out an Alanon online support meeting before attending something in person.
Thank you for your words and support.
Thank you for your words and support.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
Is he not communicating about anything at all, or just sobriety related stuff? I met my husband at work, where he was a pretty quiet guy, but get some booze in him and he would come to life and just talk and talk. When we quit drinking 6 years ago, he reverted back to his quiet self.
Maybe this is just his true nature...being quiet. It is definitely not mine, as I talk too much. Mine has gotten better over the years, but nowhere near his chatting drinking self. Its worth the trade off. Drinking him wasn't much fun.
I would just give him time. Getting used to being sober can be very uncomfortable 🙃
Maybe this is just his true nature...being quiet. It is definitely not mine, as I talk too much. Mine has gotten better over the years, but nowhere near his chatting drinking self. Its worth the trade off. Drinking him wasn't much fun.
I would just give him time. Getting used to being sober can be very uncomfortable 🙃
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
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Originally Posted by Learningnewways 
I plan to check out an Alanon online support meeting before attending something in person.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Leaving him alone and putting the focus on you and your wellbeing is the healthiest way for both you and him.
I also recommend Al-anon. Fantastic life changer for me.
The book "Codependency No More" is like a Bible to me! Another enormous life changer and improver for me.
Sending best wishes to you.
I also recommend Al-anon. Fantastic life changer for me.
The book "Codependency No More" is like a Bible to me! Another enormous life changer and improver for me.
Sending best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2021
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by Learningnewways
My husband has been sober since December 28th. He is attending AA 3 times a week and seeing a therapist individually and as a couple with me.
He doesn't share his feelings or thoughts much. He says he feels good or is fine when I ask him any questions, but that is where the communication ends. Any words of advice?
He doesn't share his feelings or thoughts much. He says he feels good or is fine when I ask him any questions, but that is where the communication ends. Any words of advice?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Has this topic come up in your couples session? That might be a good place to
explore it. I agree that sobriety/recovery is a difficult phase for couples. Lots
of patience and understanding needed from both sides, especially the
first year or two. For me, alanon was absolutely necessary to navigate those
difficult times.
explore it. I agree that sobriety/recovery is a difficult phase for couples. Lots
of patience and understanding needed from both sides, especially the
first year or two. For me, alanon was absolutely necessary to navigate those
difficult times.
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