Amaranth

thank you bernadette. I managed to leave my husband and his constant criticism. Shame I couldn't have left that with him rather than bringing it with me and doing it to myself!!!
yesterday I heard we have our court date, in 8 days time.
Now I am getting a whole load of messages from husband demanding money, saying he has filed for divorce in our country and that I owe a lot of money there. This could be true, due to a fraud he did. I don't think I will have any responsibility for that but if it is indeed true and he has been rumbled, it's a criminal offence.He says all our assets are going to be seized. Its just too much for my brain to compute so I blocked him.
I'm hoping I get to the court date with minimum drama and in a few days he will be my ex-husband. He's trying to make me believe I've got a real **** storm coming. I'm paralysed with fear and trying to work through it logically.
the stupidist thing about it is that he contested the divorce so it is actually him taking me to court next week but he hasn't seemed to grasp that.
I asked my translator what do I need to do. The answer was nothing, just turn up to court.
I hope the end is now in sight.

Hawkeye13

Yep, let the legal system work and get your assets separated.

He’s trying to scare you because the exploitation he has perpetuated on you financially is finally, finally coming to an end.

My advice is keep him blocked and show up to court with a friend if possible. Only speak through lawyers and not directly. Keep documenting anything that comes up.

I am glad that you are being strong and getting this toxic parasite out of your life for good. You are making room for the better life you richly deserve. Hang in there-we are all cheering for you!

SmallButMighty

Hang in there, you are doing great Am! You recognize what he is doing, yes it is still affecting you, but you KNOW what it is, you see it for what it is. He is flailing because despite how he managed to control you for a while, that has been steadily slipping away from him... now he has almost nothing left to throw at you so he's saying anything he can to scare you into submission. As horrible as he is trying to make you feel, that is actually what he is feeling... and he is trying to pass the buck... you didn't make his bed, he did, he gets to lie in it... his fears and his consequences are not your burdens. EXCELLENT job blocking him and refusing to bend to his will.

Keep taking lots and lots of deep cleansing breaths. Try not to future trip about any of his "threats". IF anything arises from that drivel you can deal with that then, until such a time, it is actually nothing. Empty words from a desperate man. Just keep dealing with the "what IS"... don't spend any precious energy on the "what IFS"...

Thank you for keeping us updated Amaranth, your journey is an inspirational read for so many.

dandylion

Amaranth.....Yep. Keep remembering that Fear is not necessarily Fact.

trailmix

Yes, I wouldn't worry about it too much, he is probably just trying to get to you (ie: get money from you). I don't know which country you are in and what the other country is, but generally, a legal divorce in one country is a legal divorce elsewhere. Of course there could be exceptions, but why would he even bother to do that if he knew there was trouble?

So yes, keep working through it logically, which seems to be the opposite of what he comes up with.

Ariesagain

You’ve been separated from him for what, three years? During which you’ve received zero financial support and barely scraped by. If he’s up to his neck in financial crime it’s really obvious that you didn’t know about nor benefited from it.

Listen to your lawyer. And I have had an overwhelming desire for years to kick your ex extremely hard in the shins, so forgive my meanness when I say I hope this gets him deported and out of your life forevermore.

Ariesagain

🤷🏻‍♀️

Amaranth

I got divorced this morning. I was happy he dressed nicely for the occassion and was clean shaven. I dressed up too, all in black with a bouquet of rosemary (remembrance) and daffodils (new beginnings) tied up in a black bow.
The actual event was very quick, a few minutes in front of the judge. We didn't even have to sign anything and not a word was spoken between us.
A strange conclusion to a long and painful parting.
My lawyer starts the process for the liquidation of the joint assets now.........

Ariesagain

How are you feeling, Amaranth?

Amaranth

numb

Ariesagain

Understandable. It’s been a long, long three years...at some point you wear out. It’s useful, in a way.

Be very kind to yourself and I hope you know we’re all here to hold your hand and just listen whenever you need us. And bake you virtual cookies, of course.

Sending you a hug.

Hawkeye13

Me too

Amaranth

my first day of being a divorcee, something I never thought I would be and something I never wanted.
I took my kids out for lunch. We had a really nice day. They asked that we don't talk about the D.I.V.O.R.C.E and can we just focus on having a good time. And we did. It was like we all had a giant unspoken feeling of relief. I never imagined it would feel like this. We had fun and it was light and happy. I'm amazed.
Thanks to everyone reading for sticking with me through this long drawn out process. I've finally done it. I finally have an EXAH.

woodlandlost

Glad you had fun with the kids. The next passage starts for you now.

I read a book a while back, I wonder if you might find it inspirational. It is called, living an examined life, by James H Hollis. It might be the perfect bedside companion for where you are at.

Ariesagain

No one ever earned this peace more than you. I wish you all good things and restful sleep.

trailmix

I'm happy to hear this Amaranth, yes you so deserve this peace and happiness. Glad that lunch went so well too.

For my first divorce, by the time it came through, it was a non-event for me. So feeling numb at the initial shock is to be expected I think, the fact that you went out the next day and felt relief and happiness is great.

Amaranth

Hi Woodland. Thanks for the book recommendation. I had a look at the author, he looks very interesting so I ordered the book. It's going to take a month to get here and I am very much looking forward to it. I think it may be just what I need! A week on from the big D and I am waiting for the emotional reaction. It just hasn't come. I am feeling more relaxed than I have felt in a very long time. I have been hanging out with my kids loads this week and we've been having fun. I even had a fit of the giggles the other day.
So I need a new story now. I feel like I have been in the same neverending story for so long and now I have the space to start a new one. I don't know what it is yet so for the moment I'm just one day at a time, one wonderful day after another. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Ariesagain

I really don’t have the words to describe how very, very happy I am for you! Enjoy every minute...you went through hell, but you kept going and have come out the other side. Hooray!!!