Alonefornow

My boyfriend decided he needed a "break"from our relationship. I thought to myself how do you take a break from a relationship. Was he thinking he just goes so some wild oats and come back to me later?Just the term "break 'sounded so juvenile to me. I found it quite offensive. He had already recently broken up with me in July. When I visited him in the hospital early September, he explained that he had broken up with me because he knew was about to relapse. And relapse he did. He had got to the point of wandering in the woods for 3 days after putting his truck in a ditch. He didn't have a charger for his cell phone. He had an infection all over his body especially in his hand. At first, I chose not to go to the hospital. I visited the second week when his condition was grave. Having burned every bridge in his life he literally had no place to go and was too ill to be accepted in rehab. His mother and I nursed him for a little over a week while he searched for a rehab. The day he was to meet the director of the 90-day program to see if his hand had healed enough to be accepted my daughter died in the car accident. He was an amazing support during this time. That night he told me he wanted to escape this reality with drugs and alcohol. I told him I needed him to stay straight and feel this pain with me. Much to my surprise he did. She died on Monday and we buried her that Sunday. He stays straight the whole time . He was an amazing support. My daughter had been in recovery for two and a half years. She was living her best life. He had been her stepdad for 7 years. He was hurting deeply but chose to stay clean and sober. He had found a rehab about 2 hours away and someone came to pick him up as a funeral ended. The first 30 days was a rehab. The day he was to move into the sober living house there his mom died. She and I are extremely close. Like best friends. He stayed clean and sober even though the funeral was stressful and put him in his hometown or using or is his lifestyle years ago. I drove him to his sober living house then came back home. We had agreed that he would stay there until March. He what then move into a silver living house close to me. We talked everyday but he was struggling with jealousy and mistrust. It wasn't able to visit the second month because I was out of town tending to my father's recent heart attack. I noticed we were running out of things to talk about other than who are you on messenger with? He was struggling with with roommates. He was completely exhausted working with his new job getting paid half of what his resume dictates. But I can hear him growing as a person. He had a new sense of humor . We laughed together often. Then one night it seemed he had called me out of obligation, his conversation with me was blah but at the same time one of his old friends does also go and clean talk to him and he showed him his humor he laughed with him while I was on the phone. Last week I could tell he was losing interest in talking with me. I called him 4:hours into my trip home from my parents. That put me only 1 Hour from him. I thought for sure he would want to meet in the middle. Instead he said he needed to take a break. I said okay. I actually said I was thinking the same thing because neither of us were experiencing the benefits of a committed relationship while we were both honoring our committed relationship. He said we could still talk. I said why? He was surprised at my response. I told him I guess he would not be moving back to my town because I was the whole reason he was moving here. he said he was still moving here on March and he just needed a break. He said he just needed a break to because he was having a really hard time staying clean and sober. I said okay do we need to do for your sobriety. Then I pondered on it for a day and thought maybe he had started a new relationship out of loneliness and sexual frustration. I eliminated that possibility when he Facetimed me the next day to show me a huge rash and asked me what to do. Of he had been talking with a new female he would have asked her. So I really believe him that he needed to listen to his sponsor and take a few months to stop feeling like he was neglecting a relationship and also to stop obsessing about who I was talking to. I have never dishonored our relationship but his mind kept telling him I would. Anyway I'm having a really hard time. Because I lost my daughter, I lost my closest friend, and now I've lost my relationship, I miss his support. I thought he valued mine. I understand he'd rather be working a job that pays him according to his resume , living in the house with me and his children to come home too rather than a house full of men. I understand why he can't have the high pressure job or the pressure of raising his children. I understand his need to learn how to rely on men as support and guidance. It's just really hard to think that this could be forever. He said he didn't think it was fair to me to have me waiting for him. He said he always feels guilty for not being present in our relationship. but I'd rather be waiting with a plan of action and time frame when it gets home then thinking that he's never coming home.

Dee74

Hi and welcome alonefornow

I’m sorry for the loss of your daughter.

although it’s great that your ex was able to be such a support at such a horrible time, the fact is taking so many breaks, whatever the reason, shows you two might be wanting different things.

If he sorts himself out, cones back, and stays sober - great...but it may not end like that and I think you’re wiseTo at least think about that possibility?

D

trailmix

Hi alonefornow - you have been through so much in such a short time, really sorry for the loss of your Daughter and your friend.

I can see why you are feeling confused, he is being very vague. What is a break anyway? It may well be something he needs as he's not coping well, but it's so hard to say. Maybe he is feeling odd now he's sober, maybe he is struggling with who he really is sober, just can't know because he hasn't really said.

Really the ball is in your court, your control. You can go along with this if you like and see where he lands, who knows when, or you can say enough. You deserve much better than this you know?

Zevin

Omg, alone for now....you have been through so much trauma recently. My heart breaks for you. You must take CARE OF YOURSELF first and foremost for now.
Give this all some time and see where your relationship with him ends up. But please, put yourself first.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Do you have anyone besides him to help you?