Salboo

Hi this is my first post and I just need to know I am not alone in this. I am an only child and my mum has been an alcoholic my whole life. She brought me up on her own and we were so close, just us against the world. I tried to help her over the years and as anyone with a long term alcoholic parent knows, I eventually learnt I couldn’t do anything. Anyway over the years she has got progressively worse, all the usual dramas continued (overdoses, A&E, abuse, violence, etc). About a year ago she came into a bit of money (again, any child of an addict knows this is the worst thing that can possible happen). Since she got this money she has completely lost the plot and spiralled out of control. She has been out of it 24/7 all this time and I have heard she is taking anything she can get her hands on and obviously she has a house full of hangers-on as she has some money in the back. In the summer I just could not take it anymore. I was a nervous wreck and it was literally ruining my life. I found myself drinking excessively to cope with the stress and in the end, to maintain my own sanity, I cut her off. I had been considering it for a while but didn’t have the guts. I have heard she is getting worse by the day. She used to ring me, text me, message me constantly calling me all sorts of profanities which really hurt. I have blocked her on everything now so she cannot contact me. However she messages family members telling them lies about me and calling me names.I have read others say this on this forum but I feel like she isn’t my mum. She isn’t the woman that cared for me as a kid... she’s a different person, like an imposter. I feel so low when I think how did it get to this? All of this happened at the same time as my relationship breakdown. I have heard that my ex partner (who is also an alcoholic) regularly visits my mums and they sit there slagging me off. I dont have a support network, only my cousin who is always there for me. I am quite a private person and don’t like to discuss issues like this usually. I need to talk to someone that understands the hell that I am going through. My cousin tries and she listen to me but she doesn’t truly understand because she isn’t going through it xxx

Dee74

I'm really sorry about what brings you here Salboo.
There's no doubt that long term alcohol abuse can change people and personalities.

I really hope your mum has a window of clarity and stops before it's too late. That can happen - it happened to me
You';; find a lot of understanding and support here anyway - glad you found us - welcome

trailmix

Hi Salboo, I'm sorry to hear your story but I understand.

You're right there is really nothing you can do, she is an adult and will make her own choices, however terrible those choices seem. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3c's). I think you did the right thing by removing her from your life, it is obviously way too stressful.

Have you checked out Al Anon at all? If the meetings are not available in person right now, they are held online also, you can check that out here:

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/

Unfortunately she probably isn't the woman who brought you up. It can feel like an invasion of the body snatchers and I understand why that upsets you so much. I hope that you have perhaps decided to not drink over this? You have seen where it can lead and it really doesn't help. Your choice of course.

Lots of support for you here.

velma929

Years ago my mom was in a car accident. It became clear over the next week or so she wasn't going to recover. A neighbor said to me, "No matter when you lose your Mom, you feel cheated." It's as true for a mother addicted to one who's actually dying.

Sorry for what you're going through.