woodlandlost

My Daughter's bed. White, wood, a bed for a littlegirl. She has had it since kindergarten. I remember the day my Ex brought it home. It was a heavy duty one and I remember assembling it. It has a trundle, which was supposed to have a matress but it soon filled with toys and odds and ends. She was a little girl then. Today I disassembled it. It is going to the ExWife's place. Daughter will be spending her first overnight there on Christmas eve. I pulled the bed apart, cleaned it, piled the pieces in the living room, made arrangements for a friend to help me take it over there. This bed has stirred up so much emotion inside me. As I write this I am overcome with emotions, I had to write this down. That baby girl of mine slept in that bed, sometimes cried in that bed, when me and the EX argued about drinking...I slept on that bed when daughter could not sleep and wanted to be beside her mama. It is more than a bed at this moment. Taking apart that bed broke me down today. She will spend more time with her mom eventually, and I will see her less. This makes no sense to me anymore. I will be alone on christmas eve...for real now. I know it is just for a night, but the reality of the situation could not be more apparent. I know this is part of the process, and it is the seasons and covid and all that too....but it was something symbolic about that bed being dismantled. The look of it, the stored memories of her room, the decorating her room and remarking how much of. a big girl she had become...proud parents, a family. I know this bed is a pile of wood and bolts and paint...I am just blown away of how much it meant to me, how much that bed is a part of me, my memories, my cells!!! I thought for a moment that I might spontaneously combust if I have to sell and leave this house...scary thought. PS, I did buy her a new matress and a new bed frame, the matress is here now and I am waiting for the new bed frame. I hope it comes soon. I am considering painting the room too, she wants a new color and those basboards are a mess.

Dee74

(((woodlandlost)))

D

silentrun

Beautiful.

Those "baseboards" are a mess but that's OK.

dandylion

woodlandlost......I can relate to what you describe and how you are feeling. I imagine that just everybody, here, can.
I think it is a part of the grieving process. sometimes, the process is slow....and, sometimes, it comes like a bullet.
I believe that you hit the nail right on the head----"symbolic". It represents the loss---even necessary loss---that you must be feeling. The l oss of the dream that you have invested so much into----the Norman Rockwell kind of family. We always morn losses of anything that has meant a lot to us, emotionally. and, our kids are Big!
Man, can those symbolic things trigger an avalanche of emotion!

You might have to cry it out. I always have.

Please...please, try to plan something special for yourself on Christmas Eve.----anything you can think of---to take the edge off of being alone. Perhaps, do something for someone else...maybe, bake a cake and take it to a neighbor....or call someone that would appreciate it.....or, watch funny movies, back to back.....or go to a friend's house and have a drink with them. I'll bet friends would be very accomodating if they knew you were being alone and sad on that evening. That is what friends are for.........

SmallButMighty

It's hard WLL, the changing family dynamic, the changing preteen. It's hard to see your youngin' becoming a young adult, not that baby anymore. That's normal. It's hard, I cried a lot in the days my daughter was in that transition (for many reasons, mother-daughter relationships can be, shall we say... challenging... during that time) Things were still "OK" between AXH and I at that time... BUT when it was my son in that age range things were going down hill with AXH, his drinking had amped up and so had my anxiety, our relationship was failing and life was chaotic. .. so I do understand the dual feelings of loss and change. MY "baby" was becoming a "man" and my marriage was nearing it's end, my goodness, it was crushing. I know this doesn't actually help you deal with those feelings you are having, but I do want you to know, I've been through it, I understand how this feels, you have my empathy and my shoulder should you need it.

I agree with Dandy, I know you will want to be "on call" should your daughter need you, considering her mother's precarious grip on reality, but doing something kind for yourself and/or others really could help with the heaviness of the evening. Maybe get a start on painting that bedroom.. or at least prepping it for paint (as that's the REAL work!), if the painting is something she wants to help with. Keep you mind busy, don't spin out on things you can't control.

I have struggled with the holidays for the last several years, even before leaving AXH. I try to not put too much stock into the few days of "christmas"... they are just days, they will pass and it will be behind us. We've been through worse. We can get through this too. *hugs*

mylifeismine

WLL, you are such a thoughtful, kindhearted, loving person and I'm sorry
you are having a hard time (( )). Please try remember, as you said, its
part of the process and you are making the room and space in your life
for better things/times. A person who is as thoughtful, kind and loving
as yourself to manifest in your life, and more importantly, peace and
sanity in your life for you to be yourself. Don't fall into that trap
we tend to around the holidays thinking everyone else's life is
a frigging hallmark movie cause it's not true
You will be okay and are stronger than you realize....

Bekindalways

((((Woodland))))

For what it is worth that was a poignant piece of writing. It hit me hard.

Nd819

I'm sorry. I can only imagine how hard that must have been, the loss, the grief, the finality of it all. Hugs.