Josie99

My husband owes a person money for cocaine. This person keeps calling him and knows where we live. I'm thinking of my safety in my own home. My husband no longer has access to our earned income it gets deposited to my account so that we can still have a roof over a head, cars to take us to work, and food on the table. I am not going to give my husband the money but I would be willing to go with him to pay off this person. Is this right or wrong to do?

Trying to find a solution,
Josie99

Magichappens

Josie,
Welcome to SR. I would NOT go with ANYONE to pay a cocaine dealer. It's your decision whether or not to give your husband the money to pay this person, but your safety is jeopardized if you get involved. He has put you in harms way already. I wish I had a better answer, but getting the police involved is the only other thing that comes to mind. That would probably cause problems for your husband, but what choice has he given you? Think of yourself first, and do the best thing you can for yourself.

Please be safe. Come back and let us know that you are ok. Hugs, Magic

Josie99

Thanks for your welcome.

This person is someone he use to work with in his last job. How do I get the police involved in this? I'm new at these types of situations when dealing with drugs.

Thanks again for your reply.

Tunahead

Well, if you pay this time, will this be a signal to your husband that he can get as much cocaine as he wants whenever he wants it and YOU will be the one who will have to pay for it later. Just a thought.

Josie99

I've never been in this situation and I don't know how to get this person out of his back. I know is not going to go away. I really have to meditate on this one and I hope and pray God provides an answer for me.

Magichappens

If you get the police involved, you will have to be prepared to tell them the whole situation and find out what can be done. That means explaining your husbands involvement. If you are willing to do that, the police will do what is necessary. There will most likely be consequences for your husband in that scenario.

It is very hard to deal with drug addiction in the home. It is more complicated than alcoholism because of the legal aspect. I have dealt with it in a very small amount. There are many on the Naranon forum who have dealt with it much more. Don't settle for my experience. They can probably give you much more information and help. Hugs, Magic

gelfling

Aren't you in a situation?

Like the other posts state, once done always done. Your addict will know you'll cover for him and of course, the dealer will know he's good for the money and will continue to give him the dope.

Like magic said, he put you in harms way without concern for your safety. Getting the cops involved will turn it into something that will go beyond your husband.

You're in my prayers

Kathy

Truth

Sometimes we enable people to keep on repeating their behaviors when we don't let them deal with the consequences of those behaviors.

Cadence57

First thought:
I'd give your husband the money to pay and let him decide if he's going to do the right thing or not. If he does the right thing then the problem is solved. If not, then the problem will still be there and he'll have to figure a wayto fix it that does not disrupt your family's finances.

Second thought:
Don't do anything. It's his problem - let him figure a way to fix it that does not involve the family's finances.

Regardless of what you decide to do, you must understand that it is NOT your problem to fix - it's not your job to get your husband out of the mess he got himself into. If you keep rescuing him, he will never learn (or he will learn that he can keep screwing up and you'll keep rescuing him). And no matter what you decide, please don't put yourself in danger by accompanying him!! You could end up hurt, dead or in jail - it's not worth it!

Hugs,
Marti

CatsTail

Josee,

DO NOT pay that dealer. It's your husbands problem he has to deal with it. If you pay it he'll take it you'll pay from now on.

Has the dealer actually threatened you or is it something you are worried about? I know it's a worry but it doesn't necessarily mean the dealer will do anything to you. Too obvious.

Do not go with your husband to pay either because from now on the dealer will come to you for the payment.

Police involvement maybe.

Ngaire

DesertEyes

Josie,

You can get the police to help by calling them up on the phone and asking for a restraiing order against the drug dealer. That way the dealer can't come close to your, your home or your family. In many states, the police department will have a "victims advocate" that can help explain to you all the paperwork you need to fill out.

You can also call the local Nar-Anon office out of your phone book, explain to them your situation and they can refer you to somebody in Nar-Anon that can advise you, and perhaps even to a lawyer or legal aid office that can help you with the paperwork.

Once you have protected yourself from the drug dealer you can let your husband take care of his debts on his own. He can get a part time job, he can pawn some of his personal possessions (nothing that belongs to you), or he can show up at a meeting of NA to ask for suggestions.

Whatever you do, stay away from the dealer. Do _not_ meet the dealer, do not send money to the dealer, do not call or talk to the dealer.

Mike :-)

Cando

I agree, do not pay the cocaine dealer. This is rescuing and enabling. Take care of yourself.

Dee at Mt Bully

I pretty much agree with everyone-If you pay the debt you'll be paying and paying-
Your H has put you in a very dangerous situation--maybe you could get away from
your house for a few days while he works this out. If there are no consequinces for
his actions he has no reason to stop. Addicts do not seek recovery to please thier
mate or family. They usually don't seek help untill they reach some kind of a bottom.
The more we help them the longer they can ignore thier problem. My prayers--Dee

fancy

You'll be wasting your time and money if you pay it..I've been there with my son. He promised never to be in that situation again... has asked us many times since then to do that for him again...we didn't and he managed to get the money by pawning his stero and drum set.

Aquiana

I hope you call the police. It's a lose-lose situation. If you can't call the police than I'm going to go against the grain here and say that maybe you should see that he has the money to pay it. The only reason I say that it because drug dealers can be very dangerous. My aunt and uncle had a similar problem about a year ago and the dealers started coming to their house while her and her kids were there for the money. She didn't even know who they were at first because he didn't tell her. Problem is that I wouldn't get too sure they won't harm anyone else. You don't become a dealer by letting people off on debts. They are going to get what they're owed somehow or another. It may be too late to try to stay out of the situation.
Call the police now, if not I would pay it but let him know that next time you will call them and he will go to jail and hold to it. A lot of times the person selling the drugs on the street are only go-betweens for someone higher up. The man that sold them to your husband may be getting the pressure from someone else. He might get desperate. I've actually known some pretty hard drug dealers in the past and I wouldn't put anything past them.