Independent t assessor told him he's not an alcoholic....
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Join Date: May 2018
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Independent t assessor told him he's not an alcoholic....
I'm stunned. He obviously lied. But its the worst kind of gaslighting. If you flick through my previous posts, well our marriage ended in a drunken assault. He quits after an incident, (DUI etc), goes cold turkey, slowly relapses and then book. Rise and repeat. I have ongoing legal cases.
I'm so tired of this! I was in floods when I found out.
I'm so tired of this! I was in floods when I found out.
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A friend of mine told me he once admitted to his doctor he was concerned about how much he drank. The doctor reassured him that if he was worried about it, he wasn't an alcoholic. My friend categorized his former physician as a quack.
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Originally Posted by Milano58 
...well our marriage ended in a drunken assault.
If your marriage is over, why allow his life and what happens in it have such an affect on you and your life?
You deserve to be happy. Go after it. Create it. Create the peace you need. You can do that right in your own home.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Hey Milano, do you think that perhaps once you have had time to process this you will see it pretty meaningless?
There is no hard and fast "proof" that someone is an alcoholic, it's really a decision for the person to make. No one can see inside their brain to decide if they have a compulsion/addiction to drink. There are of course markers, how much they drink, how often, psychological clues, but there is no blood test and no scan to tell if someone is an alcoholic.
So based on the fact that your ex can tell anyone anything he wants, what meaning does any of this have?
What does your lawyer say?
There is no hard and fast "proof" that someone is an alcoholic, it's really a decision for the person to make. No one can see inside their brain to decide if they have a compulsion/addiction to drink. There are of course markers, how much they drink, how often, psychological clues, but there is no blood test and no scan to tell if someone is an alcoholic.
So based on the fact that your ex can tell anyone anything he wants, what meaning does any of this have?
What does your lawyer say?
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Hey Milano, do you think that perhaps once you have had time to process this you will see it pretty meaningless?
There is no hard and fast "proof" that someone is an alcoholic, it's really a decision for the person to make. No one can see inside their brain to decide if they have a compulsion/addiction to drink. There are of course markers, how much they drink, how often, psychological clues, but there is no blood test and no scan to tell if someone is an alcoholic.
So based on the fact that your ex can tell anyone anything he wants, what meaning does any of this have?
What does your lawyer say?
There is no hard and fast "proof" that someone is an alcoholic, it's really a decision for the person to make. No one can see inside their brain to decide if they have a compulsion/addiction to drink. There are of course markers, how much they drink, how often, psychological clues, but there is no blood test and no scan to tell if someone is an alcoholic.
So based on the fact that your ex can tell anyone anything he wants, what meaning does any of this have?
What does your lawyer say?
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
expert manipulators and liars
Many long time As wind up becoming expert manipulators and liars partly because they do it so often. And they'll take that 'skill' read the professionals they deal with. A lot of professionals look at a case as just another job or task and will devote as little thought to it as possible.Not all but enough.
Not quite the same but I know someone who was referred for counseling/rehab while going through a dui program which was basically education and assessment of the offender .He demanded to speak to a supervisor after getting no where with program rep and by his own words after a session with the supervisor he got out of it. Even though he was drinking during the weeks he was in the program he was also using steroids,working out and was tan from outside activity and he asked the supervisor-Do I look like I'm on drugs? He said that got him out of it. Also these dui programs are not rehab qualified so they can only push addiction issues so far. Have to wonder what actually the assessor was/is allowed to do in the OPs case.
Sooner or later that A will not only get caught in one of his lies or acts he will wind up with consequences he will be able to talk his way out of.
Not quite the same but I know someone who was referred for counseling/rehab while going through a dui program which was basically education and assessment of the offender .He demanded to speak to a supervisor after getting no where with program rep and by his own words after a session with the supervisor he got out of it. Even though he was drinking during the weeks he was in the program he was also using steroids,working out and was tan from outside activity and he asked the supervisor-Do I look like I'm on drugs? He said that got him out of it. Also these dui programs are not rehab qualified so they can only push addiction issues so far. Have to wonder what actually the assessor was/is allowed to do in the OPs case.
Sooner or later that A will not only get caught in one of his lies or acts he will wind up with consequences he will be able to talk his way out of.
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Perhaps when you see the report and your lawyer has gone over it, it will prove to be a non-issue. If the report wasn't done by a specialist in addiction, what merit it will it have, your lawyer should know.
I'm sure you also might have the option to request a report by a psychiatrist trained in addiction. I assume you are asking for alcohol monitoring for visitation?
Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much (I know, easy to say) until you see the report. Please keep us updated.
I'm sure you also might have the option to request a report by a psychiatrist trained in addiction. I assume you are asking for alcohol monitoring for visitation?
Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much (I know, easy to say) until you see the report. Please keep us updated.
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You nailed it Trailmix. One of the lawyers on my case requested a psyche evaluation, guess they didn't warrant his report. He's finally agreed to a breathalyzer as long as I pay.
I'm getting an independent expert witness on addiction, counseling and recovery to also file a report. It's insane what I have to do to keep my kids safe.
I'm getting an independent expert witness on addiction, counseling and recovery to also file a report. It's insane what I have to do to keep my kids safe.
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It is amazing to me how clueless "normies" are. In spite of all the scientific wisdom on alcoholism, its progression, its impact on the family, etc., etc. MOST people don't understand and that's it. Very frustrating. My husband is dying from alcohol (cirrhosis) and his friends will tell him "just cut down your drinking a little." On a vacation with my brother and SIL a few years ago, AH made a scene in a hotel lobby and was completely obliterated. My brother told me "You're not a good manager" suggesting that somehow I was to blame for his alcoholic behavior.
Alcohol is so entrenched in our society that people just don't see abstinence as an option, even if you are being poisoned by and dying from it. Even my kids, all ACOAs, will minimize the absolute truth that alcoholism is a progressive, deadly disease unless you quit and work on yourself from the mental, physical and spiritual sides.
So I've given up. Friends and family and even healthcare professionals are going to minimize and gaslight. I go on like a broken record. Even just this morning, my DD34 told me she thinks her father's medications are causing his negative change in mental status. No, I said calmly for the 10th time, his mental status is changing because his liver can't process toxins that are going to his brain, and his brain is shrinking and is making him prone to mood change, depression, memory loss and a bunch of other things. But no, the family thinks it must be his diuretics causing his bad behavior.
Alcohol is so entrenched in our society that people just don't see abstinence as an option, even if you are being poisoned by and dying from it. Even my kids, all ACOAs, will minimize the absolute truth that alcoholism is a progressive, deadly disease unless you quit and work on yourself from the mental, physical and spiritual sides.
So I've given up. Friends and family and even healthcare professionals are going to minimize and gaslight. I go on like a broken record. Even just this morning, my DD34 told me she thinks her father's medications are causing his negative change in mental status. No, I said calmly for the 10th time, his mental status is changing because his liver can't process toxins that are going to his brain, and his brain is shrinking and is making him prone to mood change, depression, memory loss and a bunch of other things. But no, the family thinks it must be his diuretics causing his bad behavior.
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