Nd819

So I noticed a few months ago that AH has added Adderall to the mix. I haven't brought it up to him because I would have to admit that I went snooping, I know, I know, I should not do that but I can't help myself. It appears that it's been prescribed and at this point it appears that he is taking a normal daily dose. AH has probably always had some level of ADHD but he's in his late 40's and I just feel like he is taking it to get himself going after nightly binges. Just curious if anyone has any experience with this, I feel like mixing adderall and alcohol can't be good.

biminiblue

When I was a heavy drinker my doctor prescribed all kinds of pills for my various complaints. Adderall was one of them. I had trouble concentrating and not getting distracted. I mean, my symptoms were real.

I was not honest with my doctor about how much I drank.

I no longer drink and I no longer take any prescribed medications and my ADHD-like symptoms have disappeared. Lots of people have problems with concentration, focus, and being scattered when drinking. Alcohol is affecting his brain.


Unfortunately, you have no control over any of this.

And yeah, snooping only hurts you - hard not to, though.

FallenAngelina

In addition to the helpful responses you get about this medication, it's important to illuminate that you do have the choice not to violate his privacy. To say that you can't help yourself is being dishonest with yourself. If you want him to be respectful and honest while working on improving the relationship, you must be respectful and honest as well. Everyone is entitled to privacy unless that person has consented to relinquishing it (in a voluntary rehab facility, for example.) You may get your question answered about the medication, but a deeper issue remains. The most helpful way forward is not to sink into guilt or defensiveness, but to own up to the mistake (we all make them,) apologize and focus on moving forward in complete honesty.

It's a rare person who doesn't learn the hard way why snooping never gets us what we are looking for. I certainly learned that way.

Nd819

Fallen, I do see your point and agree somewhat, but our lives are so entwined with our spouses, financially, emotionally, legally, that I feel that I need to know what is truly going on. If it was a gambling addiction and he was racking up secret debt would he still have a right to privacy? And I am not being defensive (ok, maybe a little ) but I really am struggling with how much as a spouse we have a right to know so we can make decisions for ourselves.

biminiblue

Nd, I think you do have a right to know some things. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it? I do agree that you should tell him you found out and take it from there IF YOU FEEL SAFE doing so. Depending on what kind of snooping you did, you may need to apologize but things that are in your house or car are fair game in my opinion.

I did the same thing when I was contemplating divorce and I didn't even know the half of what was going on but I found enough to push me to split up for my own legal, financial, and emotional future.

I think you do have a right to know something like medications that are psychoactive like Aderall. With a spouse, a certain amount of detective work is important to protect yourself. I would tell him you know, though.

thequest

'entwined' with family in particular a lot of stuff becomes common knowledge especially in the same household. I've seen As leave script bottles lying around or thrown in the trash with label still on them. They even would leave pills without bottles laying around not just in their bedroom but on dinning room table for all to see.

Privacy and alcoholic/addict family is dicey because so much of what they do is on family property and when family literally has to clean up after them no spying is needed. The A here demand his stuff be left in common areas and got upset when touched but he was more worried about marking territory and his convenience that his privacy.

The A here also went through a bk and had creditors trying to track him down at known addresses and phone numbers. Know a parent who was getting at least 3 dozen calls a day when the A stopped paying their bills. Along with lots and lots of mail, certified mail and the sherrif serving court papers. And yet he's upset that the entire family knows about their financial dealings. Also saw a car repo tow truck sit in front of their property hours on end.

Any stimulant mixed with alcohol can't be good in the long run and shows how far their drinking is gone if they need uppers. Isn't that a classic drug addict. Using the uppers and downers to 'balance' themselves out. A's already can go into a rage so a stimulant can't be good.

Stay safe.

Nd819

Thank you for your replies. Bimini and quest, my thoughts were that the adderall is just an effort to deal with the effects of the drinking. It feels like the slow steady progression that seems inevitable and that I have read so much about. Sometimes when I stay away from this board I can lull myself into a false sense of security. It's just all so depressing.