WisteriaLane

I have been in AA many years. I am over 9 years sober now. My sponsor moved out of town but I have other spiritual advisors. Both my parents died within the last year. My abusive alcoholic/addict brother is trustee of our mother's estate. Our step-sister is trustee of our step-fathers estate. We are all beneficiaries of both estates. My trustee bother has basically stolen hundreds of thousands of $ in jewelry and the contents of a safe in one of the houses in a different state. He told me that someone just broke into that safe and stole everything and no one knows where it is or what happened to it. My other alcoholic/addict brother stole 13K in Krugerrands from that safe and pawned them, leaving behind a paper trail. My trustee brother has been extremely abusive to me and what he did to our mother in her last few weeks of life was horrific elder abuse. He shut her in under the guise of the Covid lockdown and isolated her and monitored everything she did. She was allowed limited phone conversations with family members and he had her on speakerphone with the intent to take control of her assets. Everyday she was feisty and screaming, calling him names, and resisting his abusive domination. He has made threats to me. Thank God there is a estate attorney trust protector who in control of the trustees as far as the trust is concerned. So he told me about the safe and it's contents and his intention was to hide it from our step-sister, the other trustee. This safe belongs to the estate and half of it belongs to her and her brother. My brother has stolen everything he could and given much of it to our sister, probably so she would go along with his agenda. So I contacted our step-sister/trustee and told her about the safe about which she was unaware of it's existence. I did this because what he was doing was illegal and unethical to say the least. My step-sister is in AA also, but I have not seen her or spoken to her in many years. I told her how abusive he was etc. I also told her I was afraid of him. So, a few days later he was very angry and accused me of stabbing him in the back. In addition to that I did not want to be a party to this illegal situation and possibly become implicated in the future. At least the other trustee could/should know that I have not stolen anything. I thought I did the right thing.I would very much appreciate some perspective on that.

nikegoddess112

My perspective, pray about your next sponsor and seek one out.

This kind of family stuff is exactly where the family group of 12 step support shines. Having a sponsor, even a temporary one, can be very life changing. (((((hugs)))))

Are you actively working the steps again?

I'm in family situations that continue to be completely beyond me. Having a solid program of my own recovery is valuable in allowing financial issues to be worked out in miraculous ways.

Good luck!!! I'm sorry for what you've been experiencing.

My other spiritual mentors who aren't familiar with addiction recovery dynamics of 12 steps of recovery/service/etc. principles sometimes don't understand the how and why of the actions I take. They do understand/see/appreciate the results.
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FallenAngelina

Since you've been in AA for many years, I'll be blunt:

Several spiritual advisors are not sponsors. Why don't you have a sponsor? A sponsor definitely would point you away from finger pointing, resentment, grudge holding, justification for being "right," and would be pointing you toward working your program. There is rarely a good excuse for not having a sponsor other than not wanting one.

Kaptn

My experience with money issues, rely only upon paid legal advice. It is worth every penny.
I'm sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you.

WisteriaLane

Thank you. Sound advice.

velma929

I remember you writing about your mother's ill health. Sorry for your loss.
My parents weren't wealthy, and lost about half of their savings in a civil suit after Dad had an OUI that resulted in a fatality. Hopefully you have a job and some income, and are not totally reliant on an inheritance to provide for you.

thequest

Condolences.

Sounds like your brother is/was ethically challenged for a long time. I wouldn't blame it all on the alcohol either because the drinking allows him to act on his impulse ie steal, scheme etc. Those thoughts were there, not manufactured by alcohol. I'd let the courts and lawyers deal with him. The virus was only an excuse/oppurtunity for what they wanted to do all along.

Have siblings similar to that were scheming what to do with their parents estate/house long before they passed and there no millionaires here. Still dealing with our parents estate years later because of the greedy sibling .

Just make sure you can support yourself now with what you have now or have access to. You and the system can catch up to your brother later. Hopefully those matters are resolved quickly.

Good Luck

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Are you on the fence as to whether or not to get the police involved? That's looks very complicated and messy. If it were me, I'd let the cops in on it. If not that - what about calling a family meeting and getting everyone involved and on the same page?

Best.