Working the steps backwards.
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Working the steps backwards.
My sponsor taught me a neat trick about working the steps of al-anon. He said to read each one backwards. So here I go with Step 1.
“ … that ourlives had become unmanageable”
I never realized, until I focused on just this phrase, that step 1 is about hope. It’s that word “become” that tells me that my life had not been unmanageable all along. It was my wife’s addiction to pain pills that changed it. My life could return to the way it used to be. Now this step doesn’t explain how, it just tells me that it can. That alone made such a huge difference in my life, there was hope.
“ … powerless over alcohol… “
Ok, so al-anon has accepted any addiction, not just alcohol. Pain pill addiction counts. What my sponsor explained to me is that I am _not_ powerless of the pain pills. They’re just little bottles of chemicals. I am _not_ powerless over addiction, the al-anon literature is filled with examples of how to help an addict in recovery. What I _am_ powerless over is my ex-wife’s unwillingness to seek recovery. That is what I cannot change.
“ … admitted… “. Now that one word becomes so much easier to handle. I cannot change her unwillingness. As long as I keep trying my life will remain in chaos. But once I admit that, then there is hope.
And that is all I need to understand about step 1.
Mike
“ … that ourlives had become unmanageable”
I never realized, until I focused on just this phrase, that step 1 is about hope. It’s that word “become” that tells me that my life had not been unmanageable all along. It was my wife’s addiction to pain pills that changed it. My life could return to the way it used to be. Now this step doesn’t explain how, it just tells me that it can. That alone made such a huge difference in my life, there was hope.
“ … powerless over alcohol… “
Ok, so al-anon has accepted any addiction, not just alcohol. Pain pill addiction counts. What my sponsor explained to me is that I am _not_ powerless of the pain pills. They’re just little bottles of chemicals. I am _not_ powerless over addiction, the al-anon literature is filled with examples of how to help an addict in recovery. What I _am_ powerless over is my ex-wife’s unwillingness to seek recovery. That is what I cannot change.
“ … admitted… “. Now that one word becomes so much easier to handle. I cannot change her unwillingness. As long as I keep trying my life will remain in chaos. But once I admit that, then there is hope.
And that is all I need to understand about step 1.
Mike
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Interesting Mike. "Admitted" and "become" wind up being relatively positive ideas/concepts . . . . it makes me think of some things you wrote about a few days ago about acceptance.
I never went the AA nor Alanon route but have read a lot of the literature. One of my favorite stories is when Bill Wilson meets Father Ed Dowling. I like that after Bill Wilson pours out his heart he asks Father Ed, "Won't there ever be any satisfaction for me?" and Father Ed responds emphatically, "No absolutely never!". (Note: I may not be repeating their words exactly.)
I don't know why that story always hits me so hard. I suppose it is powerful in that it acknowledges the great suffering there is in life while at the same time, highlights the power of compassion that we can offer each other as we struggle with great pain.
Have an electronic hug Mike. It is a big and tight one!
I never went the AA nor Alanon route but have read a lot of the literature. One of my favorite stories is when Bill Wilson meets Father Ed Dowling. I like that after Bill Wilson pours out his heart he asks Father Ed, "Won't there ever be any satisfaction for me?" and Father Ed responds emphatically, "No absolutely never!". (Note: I may not be repeating their words exactly.)
I don't know why that story always hits me so hard. I suppose it is powerful in that it acknowledges the great suffering there is in life while at the same time, highlights the power of compassion that we can offer each other as we struggle with great pain.
Have an electronic hug Mike. It is a big and tight one!
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways 
"Admitted" and "become" wind up being relatively positive ideas/concepts
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
I never went the AA nor Alanon route
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
"No absolutely never!"
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
the great suffering there is in life
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
the power of compassion that we can offer each other
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Have an electronic hug Mike. It is a big and tight one!
Mike
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