Talking to Himself

Old 09-11-2020, 10:23 AM
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Question Talking to Himself

Anyone else experiencing this? I believe AH is in denial and is not interested in quitting or seeking help. He will sometimes say that he needs to quit drinking and smoking. But it is always in front of the children (usually after they said something to him about it) and I honestly think he is just saying what he thinks they want to hear. He has told me in private that he is and always will be a beer drinker and nothing is going to stop that. But I digress.
The main concern I have is that he is talking to himself when drunk and also talking in his sleep. I mean, like a whole conversation with himself. His behavior is getting erratic and strange and he often sits in his truck and talks to himself. He also talks to himself when he is inside hanging out with us. Sometimes, it is random phrases and usually nonsense, but other times, he says things under his breath and then looks at us, expecting an answer. If we don't give one, (because we have no idea what he is talking about) he will get upset and storm off. He hisses a lot of things under his breath and mumbles unintelligibly, then either A. says he didn't say anything at all if I ask him what he said, or B. expects me to understand whatever it is he is mumbling or whispering about and weigh in with my opinion. I do believe these are signs of alcoholic dementia. Does anyone know if this is reversible?
Something else. I've been distancing from this relationship as a way to cope and deal with my own issues. I still talk to him about light-hearted stuff, but I do not sit outside and engage with him while he has been drinking and that is bothering him to no end. He loves to rant on and on about his past when he is drunk and I have stepped away from those conversations. Since I stopped hanging out with the drunk him, he has been playing this game where he comes inside and asks me to do things. Such as: asking to use the bathroom or asking to take a shower or asking to go fix himself a plate of food or using the computer or tv. Simple things that he knows he doesn't have to ask to do. I'm not sure if he is trying to get under my skin or if this is some type of mental thing.
But seriously, if anyone has experienced a loved one talking to themselves, or dealt with alcoholic dementia please share your thoughts and opinions. I really do think he has some mental issues going on and without treatment, I know it's only going to get worse.
Thanks for reading.
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Old 09-11-2020, 10:52 AM
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Hi,

How scary. I know that ARD (alcohol related dementia) is also known as Wet Brain. Both of these terms are, I think, used cautiously and they are given a wide berth.

This may not be what you want to read, but I'm not sure how you can help this person except by leaving. If AH has no motivation to quit drinking - I think you're right. You wrote " I really do think he has some mental issues going on and without treatment, I know it's only going to get worse."

Until he stops drinking and gets help - nothing is going to change - except for the worse.
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Old 09-11-2020, 11:00 AM
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coping------I have a few thoughts----
First thought----I have known a lot of people who "talk to themselves"-----including myself---lol. For myself, I use it as a therapeutic technique, when I am very angry at someone or something, It helps me to get the negative energy out by verbalizing what I am thinking or feeling. I do try to do it in a private place so that others don't misinterpret what is going on with me! lol.
In addition, I have seen my mother, grandmother, and other people "talk to themselves" when they were angry or upset or simply didn't have anyone to talk to, I will say that the things that they said did make sense.
I have seen some elderly persons who muttered a lot in their diagnosed dementia.

Another thought is that there i such a thing as Alcohol Induced Dementia. You can google that and you will get a plethora of information.

Another thought----there might be some element of anger---expressed as passive agressive behavior----like asking you if he can use the bathroom. I have seen a lot of people use that one---lol.

It is possible that he might have several different things going on at the same time. Personality---manipulative behaviors----and some form(s) of dementia, To get a definite diagnosis, one would need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist---and a neurologist. The two often work in tandem with each other.
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Old 09-12-2020, 08:32 AM
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I do agree with both of you. He did not always talk to himself though, this is a new development. I also think there is some passive/aggressive behavior going on. I know he is quite upset with me for not giving him any alone time together when he has been drinking. This has been ongoing for several months now and he has said that he thinks that I hate him and other similar rants. Pulling back has made me enemy #1 for sure. He gets upset about random and insignificant things and then blames me in some round about way. For example, I came to bed one night and he was upset that one of our children was playing an online game on the system and he was angry with me because I let the child play on it. His reasoning was that I didn't inform him that you could talk to other people on the game and it's my fault because I lied to him about what our child was playing on. (The game is online, but you can't just talk to other people, it has pre-programmed responses like a pull out menu with emojis and sending gifts, etc.) He's known about it and has seen the child playing on it for months, but all of a sudden right before we go to sleep, he is angry with me about it. When I confront the issue, he drops it and acts like he didn't say anything. In the past, I would get defensive and a fight would ensue. Since I don't let myself engage in this behavior anymore, he is becoming more upset about it. I honestly think he is reaching now, looking for a fight since I will not engage when he is drunk. The asking me if it is ok to do things I think is also his way of trying to get me to start a fight. This is the passive/aggressiveness that I see. Try to find a fault, if it doesn't work, play the victim or pretend that never happened. I just call them like I see them and bide my time.
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Old 09-12-2020, 09:02 AM
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Hi,
You wrote "I just call them like I see them and bide my time."

That doesn't look like a very peaceful way to age. How much longer do you think you can live like that?
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Old 09-12-2020, 09:33 AM
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I'm no longer invested in saving this marriage. I do however, worry about him and I do love him and I wish he would seek help, but that has to be his own decision. For me, moving on is the best option. I say I am biding my time as I plan on leaving, I have to sort some things out for myself and for my family right now.
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Old 09-12-2020, 10:14 AM
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This is a great example of why we often say that detachment is not a long-term solution to living with an active alcoholic. I'm glad you are making plans to leave.

Do you have extra support in place for your kids? It's easy for them to learn that this behavior is normal, or that this is what a marriage is supposed to look like.
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Old 09-12-2020, 01:37 PM
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Detaching is just that, letting go. Know that before you decide to withdraw. That is what it takes for some to heal and grow.

Working on my situation.
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Old 11-25-2020, 12:01 PM
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My husband would also talk to himself around the house when he was in certain stages of drinking. Like during a rage he would tell himself things. It would scare the heck fire out of me! And then the nights where he would lie on his stomach in bed and tap the side of the bed murmuring things. I would pretend to be asleep with my heart pounding like a herd of horses in my chest. But like others have said I believe he also suffers from other mental issues, either caused by the drugs or alcohol. Heís also had many episodes of paranoia that someone was trying to have him killed, I was a prostitute and I was tracking his movements. Apparently Apple knew about it too and I should be afraid. Itís almost comical looking from the outside but incredibly stressful and scary when you are in the midst of it.
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Old 11-25-2020, 12:02 PM
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Old 12-05-2020, 07:41 AM
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Hey my dad has been a alcoholic for along as I can remember. He started talking to himself a good few years a go and it was definitely from the drink.. As you say just mumbling and rambling random things. Like talking to someone who's not there, pulling strange faces.. Just really odd behaviour but only when he was really drunk. I can't really help you and you seem to want to leave him which is fair enough but just wanted you to know I do know what you are talking about.
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