trailmix

Yes, he may never be the same man you married, those years of drinking have an effect on a person, which is kind of what I was trying to say above. This may be as good as it gets or he may recover. Normally, in a healthy relationship, people grow together over the years (or apart in some cases). Challenges, joys, work, things are shared and solved. As you mentioned, your focus has been alcohol.

Your experience, from the other side, has been years of arguing and neglect. That has an affect on you, of course and how you view him, that's normal. At this point I doubt he has any capacity to work on your relationship, his focus probably is (and actually should be) himself, he will have to have that focus to have a chance at success.

As for you, you can let go of that rope any time you want to, that's your choice or you can stay but you will need to detach yourself from his struggle or how can you have any chance at happiness? His battle with alcoholism and even mental illness is not yours. Does he need support? Undoubtedly. Rehab, AA, therapy, psychiatrist, professionals that are trained to deal with this. It will be up to him to reach out for that support and receive it.

You didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.

FallenAngelina

Right.
Guilt serves only to keep us in a holding pattern around sadness and impotence.

There are many choices between "leave" and "stay," Samantha. Many, many choices that are not the extremes that many of us are not ready for and aren't even healthy for us at this time. Are you involved in a support community that is guiding you to keep all of your healthy choices clear in your mind right now?