Strength28

Well, I am partly exhausted because I am a first grade teacher fumbling my way through week one of 100% virtual learning with 27 six year olds...(Ha Ha!!!)
But also (and in all seriousness) because of current situation with AF. He came home from 30-day inpatient rehab about a week and a half ago. He was uncomfortable being "out of his bubble," but seemed to be very focused and dedicated to his (tele-health) Partial Hospitalization out patient program and AA. But about a week into that, I’ve noticed a definite change in his behavior, mood, and demeanor, and I’ve been concerned he’s relapsed. (He was a secretive drinker due to anxiety and depression.) He denies he's been drinking of course. It went down hill from there.

Yesterday, I came home from work around 1pm and he was passed out in bed. His outpatient therapist had also called me to check on him because he had skipped his outpatient session for the day. He has 5-hour sessions every weekday for his program.

Says he’s tired, says he’s depressed, says he’d rather be dead. Hasn’t called his sponsor for help.

Today, his therapist called me again ( I was on my way home from work.) She was concerned about his demeanor in their session today, he was really lethargic and couldn’t stay awake. Was not answering her calls.
She asked me to see if he'd get on a call with us. He did. She wanted him to go into the center for a doctors eval ( and she told me also to blood test and breathalyze)
He refused. Said he's too depressed but will go tomorrow instead.

Therapist called the county crisis line to have him evaluated over the phone instead, per policy, since he would not go in person to the rehab center.

So now, I need to enforce my healthy boundaries. One being I won’t live with him if he’s not participating in his recovery and all resources available to him. And another one being, I will not live with someone active in their addiction.

So he needs to leave and he knows that.
Says he’s going to a hotel. Refusing to go stay at his mom's house. “Doesn’t want to talk to anyone” “It’s a trick.”

Other than the therapist and crisis line calls, he's been passed out in bed.
I’ll make him leave once I have the energy to wake him up.

I know I need to keep posting here to help myself, so there it is. Terrified of what comes next for him, but I know I need to detach to save myself.

I’m exhausted, sad, and terrified all over again.

Seren

Hi Strength,

I'd be exhausted, too. Anyone would. I'm just so sorry he's not doing what the therapist recommends. It almost sounds as though he should be hospitalized for his own safety. I don't know if that's possible where you live. It varies from place to place.

And yes, you absolutely deserve to take care of yourself and keep your own promises to yourself. I hope you are able to get some rest tonight! Please keep close to SR!

LumenandNyx

Yeowza. That was a very succinct post.

I hope you can get him out without too much drama. I think the longer you wait to ask him to leave, the harder it's going to be.

You wrote "So now, I need to enforce my healthy boundaries. One being I won’t live with him if he’s not participating in his recovery and all resources available to him. And another one being, I will not live with someone active in their addiction."

Those are logical, reasonable and appropriate reasons considering the circumstances and situation.

Best.

Seren

How are you doing, strength?

Strength28

Well, I’m ok for the moment. AF went to detox inpatient today. Glad he’s safe. Hoping he will
make a good choice for himself when he is in his sober mind,
Will see what his case manager recommends. in the meantime I am going to try my best
Focus on myself, so I can support him if he makes a choice to get help

Seren

I know it had to be a relief knowing that at least he was in the hands of professionals to help him. I hope you were able to get some rest last night!