hummingbird358

Update:
He called this morning and had cancelled his flight. Asked what his options were for rehab. Made the call to where he was 2 years ago and they had an opening for him. He is there now.
I was hoping he would try another rehab but he wanted to go back to where he was.
He sounded exhausted on the phone. He has been fighting to long.

hummingbird358

Update.... he called this am and wanted to go to treatment. The place he was at before got him in and guess what?? He WALKED out! Why? he was too isolated?? he lives alone so as it is.. Bottom line was they didn't give him a nicotine patch and sleeping meds so he got agitated and left. Plus he wanted to go back to drinking.
Says he doesn't care about his life. I asked him then why should anyone else? He said no one should I guess.
I so don't want to take his calls anymore. We told him we can't do this anymore and he was like "I need you to talk to" No matter what we say it doesn't matter anyway.
I asked the rehab about getting him involuntarily committed but they told me in the state he lives in it is extremely hard to do it.

hummingbird358

Called another place and is to go this morning... already called us last night and said that he doesn't think he will go. He is already pushing it away. A friend came to stay with him and take him this morning. His friend told us that he will cut ties if he doesn't go. I said that to my son and he said that literally doesn't bother him at all.
I know what the answer is... It is hard to do but I have to.
This is no life for him either to live with this demon controlling him. He mentioned before about taking his life. I am at peace with it. He will die one way or another from this if he doesn't surrender and get help. This is no life for him or for us.
I have to tell him today that he can't call me anymore. I have done all I can. I am sure I will be charged for yesterday and for all of the paperwork and time spent last night getting him in at this other place.

Seren

Oh, hummingbird! I'm sorry he is refusing to go. It's so frustrating and unbelievable. I don't think any of us who've never struggled with addiction can possibly understand a mind ruled by addiction (or any of the possible co-occurring mental issues). Logic and sense are not part of that equation, in my experience.

My stepson walked out of a couple of places in his day. He very nearly did die...on several occasions. I won't bore you with the details, but he is alive today and drug free for the moment. And I always say 'for the moment' because for someone with addiction, relapse is possible. So I don't take his sobriety for granted. I hope that he doesn't either--but that's just something else over which I have no control.

I hope your son decides to reach out again to one of the rehabs. I'll keep you both in my prayers!

Fusion

Why book a place at a rehab he's attended before, where the 'treatment' obviously didn't work? There are myriad rehabs, some with different approaches. I've read back, and your son clearly needs a rehab with a fresh approach from the previous. If your son has been drinking every day recently, I can understand his agitation at being denied a nicotine patch and sleeping aid, if the rehab didn't start detoxing him the minute he entered, then your son would need to leave and drink, because of the set in of physical alcohol withdrawal and its dangers. I'm not making excuses for your son, but if the rehab didn't think nicotine patches and sleep meds were necessary, why not give him placebos, to calm him and make staying there easier on him?

I've never been to a detox, or rehab, or addiction counselling, or treatment of any kind.I live in a country where that's pretty rare. I drank every day for over twenty years, latterly, all day. I tried AA, didn't stop drinking. I joined SR, researched addiction material/brain neuroscience published after research at the end of last century, and this century. Some of the publishers of such material are connected with this century new-age rehabs, SR has adverts for them. Not having rehab available to me, I selected a method of stopping drinking which aligned with my experience, and read the books and viewed videos of people associated with some rehabs.

I stopped drinking on my own, with the benefit of all that material, by tapering, because detox isn't readily available here, and NHS advice is to taper, which I did, although horrendous. I utilised AV Recognition, as many in the Alcoholic Forums do, plus the support and experience of the SR Community.

Have you thought of a rehab with a different ethos and approach from the one's that your son's attended previously, because they don't seem to have resonated with him? If it was me, I wouldn't pay for that rehab, they failed him. SR has lots of adverts for different types of rehabs and as your son is fortunate enough to have funding, and hasn't stopped drinking yet, maybe one of those alternative approach rehab could help?

hummingbird358

He went to a different recovery center today. He was drinking last night and this morning but did finally go. He was given the choice of going and we will be here to support him. If he chose not to go, we were letting go and he was all on his own. He still as of this morning was saying he was not going to go. I asked him where he thought his life would head then? Soon job loss, apartment loss, no insurance if no job, then homelessness. Told him to look out his window at the homeless people on the street below him.
I said we can no longer help him because we are just killing him.

So he is there yet. Detox would not give him any meds but allowed him to continue to smoke. He blew over a .2 and would not give him meds until it was down to a .12. He called 3x's telling us that he was getting agitated, sweating and his heart was pounding and wanted to leave. We reminded him we were completely done.
He should still be there. Praying this new approach will click for him.