SIB

Think its time to pull the plug on this guy. I've kept a distance for many years now (and he knows it) but an opportunity for a quick road trip to my new property came up and he showed genuine interest in coming, even buying food / supplies and taking the bus to meet me before the 2.5hr drive. He got a little fresh in text messages a few nights before and I made it clear I wasn't going up there with a "drunk f**k".

I got no reply and figured I'd be going alone with the dog, but the night before I got a sober text saying he'd meet me at the time and was looking forward to it. I meet him, a sure fire sober drunk, not clean, ragged, and on edge. We get up there (3 days at a cottage far away from anything) and he buys a 6 pack. I am like hmmm. Yeah, he had mickeys hidden everywhere and was drunk the whole time, got worse and worse until coming home when we almost came to blows.

I mean I give this guy so many chances, stick up for him, but he just doesnt give a f**k. Now I am done with him. And no, he wont find AA, he'll just die drunk loser that ruined everything around him.

Just had to get it off my chest

dandylion

SIB----I am unclear----is this "guy" your actual father?

LumenandNyx

Just a quick observation - It doesn't seem as though your feelings parallel your behavior. And it seems to me like it might have been just as easy for you to get in your car and drive over to your property without him. Why did you go meet him? What do you think he would have done if you hadn't picked him up? Go get drunk? He did that with you anyway...

Hmmm is right.

While he can't be expected to be reliable and consistent and sane so long as he drinks - you can be these things and more.

trailmix

Hey SIB, I'm sorry your trip was such a downer.

You know, it kind of sounds like you have expectations of him that he can't (perhaps never) meet. That will always leave you disappointed (and angry etc).

Your Father is an alcoholic, period. Alcoholics drink, as you know. He won't change that unless and until he wants to, not for you or anyone else. Taking an alcoholic away for three days for a "dry" holiday is an unreasonable expectation, no?

The only way, possibly, that you can have any type of relationship with him at all is to accept him for who he is. Yes, that means accepting his drinking too. Doesn't mean you have to like it or support it, just accept it. That also means meeting up whether that's for dinner or just a visit, with no strings attached.

You, of course, can have your own boundaries (and should!). If you don't want to meet up with him when he's drunk, that is entirely your choice, just don't expect him to follow any rules.

SIB

This was me giving him a chance after many years and he made it even worse, I've cut him out of my life for good now