It's not like diabetes at all!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
It's not like diabetes at all!
"They" told me that being an alcoholic is no different from being diabetic. "They" being AH's counselors etc in detox. Well it's not at all like that!
I have friends who are diabetic. Diabetics don't lie to their spouses. They don't break things. They don't drive in blackouts and wake up smashed into a rock deep in the forest with no idea where they are or how they got there. They don't wake up at midnight and start to give the dogs breakfast cause they don't know what time it is. They don't sit in a stupor all day long. They don't breathe malt liquor fumes all over you while you're trying to sleep. They don't keep you up all night, waiting for the call from the sheriff's department. They don't lose their jobs because they're too drunk to know what they're doing. They don't attempt suicide.
"Well, you don't blame the diabetic for being diabetic!" they said.
No, but I do blame the diabetic if he goes off his diet and doesn't monitor his blood sugar. Why shouldn't I blame the AH for drinking? He's known for years that he's an A. He knows he can't drink! but he does it anyway. And not because of social pressure either! no one around him drinks. He goes out of his way to do it, and then lies to me about it.
The time he ended up stranded in the forest, he insisted that he must have had an epileptic fit. for the first time in his life. Yeah, right. When I found his truck, there was an empty whiskey bottle stuck under the pedals.
Is this a standard line, in detox centers, that alcoholism is just like diabetes? I have not had good experiences with the family programs at the places he's been. I only went a couple times and then refused to go after that. Last place he was in, family could only visit after attending the family program, so I didn't visit him. Too mad anyway. And I told him that right up front as I dropped him off there, yet every Wed and Sat he was calling me to make sure I was coming up for family program. NO! Though I did like his counselor there - he's the one told me not to let AH come home when he was discharged.
In that sense it is like diabetes though - AH needs help and he should be getting it from me! I'm his wife after all! but nothing I do makes any difference to him. Turns out the best thing I could do, for him and for me, was to tell him to go find a motel. Not like diabetes.
What a mess.
I have friends who are diabetic. Diabetics don't lie to their spouses. They don't break things. They don't drive in blackouts and wake up smashed into a rock deep in the forest with no idea where they are or how they got there. They don't wake up at midnight and start to give the dogs breakfast cause they don't know what time it is. They don't sit in a stupor all day long. They don't breathe malt liquor fumes all over you while you're trying to sleep. They don't keep you up all night, waiting for the call from the sheriff's department. They don't lose their jobs because they're too drunk to know what they're doing. They don't attempt suicide.
"Well, you don't blame the diabetic for being diabetic!" they said.
No, but I do blame the diabetic if he goes off his diet and doesn't monitor his blood sugar. Why shouldn't I blame the AH for drinking? He's known for years that he's an A. He knows he can't drink! but he does it anyway. And not because of social pressure either! no one around him drinks. He goes out of his way to do it, and then lies to me about it.
The time he ended up stranded in the forest, he insisted that he must have had an epileptic fit. for the first time in his life. Yeah, right. When I found his truck, there was an empty whiskey bottle stuck under the pedals.
Is this a standard line, in detox centers, that alcoholism is just like diabetes? I have not had good experiences with the family programs at the places he's been. I only went a couple times and then refused to go after that. Last place he was in, family could only visit after attending the family program, so I didn't visit him. Too mad anyway. And I told him that right up front as I dropped him off there, yet every Wed and Sat he was calling me to make sure I was coming up for family program. NO! Though I did like his counselor there - he's the one told me not to let AH come home when he was discharged.
In that sense it is like diabetes though - AH needs help and he should be getting it from me! I'm his wife after all! but nothing I do makes any difference to him. Turns out the best thing I could do, for him and for me, was to tell him to go find a motel. Not like diabetes.
What a mess.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((((mushroom))))))
I know it seems like addiction is more of a choice than a disease. I know several diabetics who do not accept their condition who go into sugar shock and end up in the hospital....and it is a pain in the butt to deal with them.
I can't think of any disease that the symptoms are pleasant. But, just because we detest the symptoms does not negate the fact that addiction is a disease...
I know it seems like addiction is more of a choice than a disease. I know several diabetics who do not accept their condition who go into sugar shock and end up in the hospital....and it is a pain in the butt to deal with them.
I can't think of any disease that the symptoms are pleasant. But, just because we detest the symptoms does not negate the fact that addiction is a disease...
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Mushroom,
I have lived with an alcoholic, an addict, and a diabetic.
All 3 have a genetic and physical limitation that does not allow them to handle their substances like "normal" people. All have lied. All have abused their DOCs (drugs of choice). All have gone to extreme measures to get their DOCs. All have hidden their DOCs around the house and lied about how much they consumed. All have abused their DOCs to the point they've become disoriented and confused. And all have resisted proper recovery and management of their dis-eases.
Take it from one who's been there - while there are obvious differences, the similarities are there.
You are right - they all needed help. But not one of them could get their help from me. I am powerless over the alcoholic, addict, and diabetic. They have to want to live a healthier life. They have to make the choice to get better. And they have to receive guidance from professionals or programs that are equipped to deal with their dis-eases.
I understand your anger. But I do believe the family programs are very helpful, b/c it's important for all involved to understand addiction and how it is a family dis-ease. While it is up to your husband to stay sober by working a strong recovery program, it is equally important to have family members around who are also working a recovery program, something that can be taught through family night or al-anon. It also seems important to your husband that you attend. Maybe you might try attending again, with more of an open mind.
Take care,
JG
I have lived with an alcoholic, an addict, and a diabetic.
All 3 have a genetic and physical limitation that does not allow them to handle their substances like "normal" people. All have lied. All have abused their DOCs (drugs of choice). All have gone to extreme measures to get their DOCs. All have hidden their DOCs around the house and lied about how much they consumed. All have abused their DOCs to the point they've become disoriented and confused. And all have resisted proper recovery and management of their dis-eases.
Take it from one who's been there - while there are obvious differences, the similarities are there.
You are right - they all needed help. But not one of them could get their help from me. I am powerless over the alcoholic, addict, and diabetic. They have to want to live a healthier life. They have to make the choice to get better. And they have to receive guidance from professionals or programs that are equipped to deal with their dis-eases.
I understand your anger. But I do believe the family programs are very helpful, b/c it's important for all involved to understand addiction and how it is a family dis-ease. While it is up to your husband to stay sober by working a strong recovery program, it is equally important to have family members around who are also working a recovery program, something that can be taught through family night or al-anon. It also seems important to your husband that you attend. Maybe you might try attending again, with more of an open mind.
Take care,
JG
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
You cannot get rid of an addiction. Mushroom's husband will always have an addiction to alcohol, no matter what he does to treat it. The only "cure" is to stop drinking. Her husband had no choice in becoming an alcoholic any more than the diabetic had a choice. Her husband did not know when he picked up his very first drink that he would develop a physical dependency on alcohol. Addiction is not self-inflicted. If that were the case, we would all be addicts.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I see it more like a mental illness. I have seen obsessive/compulsives, manic/depressives, altzheimers. To me, alcoholism is more like that, except the disease centers on an obsession with alcohol. Even when they aren't drinking, the thought of drinking preys on them. Once they drink, they can't just put it down. It gets hold of them.
Many people see alcoholism as a lack of will power. Because I don't have the problem with alcohol, I don't understand having a problem quitting, or moderating. But I do have a problem with obsessing on the alcoholic. I can't quit trying to fix him, no matter how detrimental it is to my well being. So in a way, I can relate. JMHO. Hugs, Magic
Many people see alcoholism as a lack of will power. Because I don't have the problem with alcohol, I don't understand having a problem quitting, or moderating. But I do have a problem with obsessing on the alcoholic. I can't quit trying to fix him, no matter how detrimental it is to my well being. So in a way, I can relate. JMHO. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 7
As stated above, do not confuse the disease with the symptoms. The disease is alcoholism (or addiction, or compulsion... whichever floats your boat). The symptoms include (and are in NO WAY limited to): lying, cheating, stealing, etc.
I understand it is hard to see it when you are in the thick of it. Taking time out and away from the situation for yourself (perhaps even for as short a time as it takes to be at an Al-Anon meeting) may help your perspective.
I understand it is hard to see it when you are in the thick of it. Taking time out and away from the situation for yourself (perhaps even for as short a time as it takes to be at an Al-Anon meeting) may help your perspective.
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