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Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Maddoc,
You need to just focus on you. I am not surprised by what you just wrote about what he tried to do. An alcoholic will try anything to get back in. Trying to see if there is any chance with you. Then when you didn't budge (good for you!) He tries to bring you down and states he is going to block you. As you see more lies from him. You do not have to take that. You are a much better person without him in your life. Please! block him.
You have enough in your life to deal with then to deal with someone who looks like he just wanted sex. I know you are feeling heartbroken by what you saw early on as a possible new life after your divorce. Just know you are a beautiful person and can move on past this. Take it one day at a time. Look for the things that bring you joy and do them. Why we all desire some sort of companionship to fill our heart. You need to focus on your own heart. Once that is healed then it will be ready to open up to someone who fits your boundaries. I hope you have a good day and keep being strong.
You need to just focus on you. I am not surprised by what you just wrote about what he tried to do. An alcoholic will try anything to get back in. Trying to see if there is any chance with you. Then when you didn't budge (good for you!) He tries to bring you down and states he is going to block you. As you see more lies from him. You do not have to take that. You are a much better person without him in your life. Please! block him.
You have enough in your life to deal with then to deal with someone who looks like he just wanted sex. I know you are feeling heartbroken by what you saw early on as a possible new life after your divorce. Just know you are a beautiful person and can move on past this. Take it one day at a time. Look for the things that bring you joy and do them. Why we all desire some sort of companionship to fill our heart. You need to focus on your own heart. Once that is healed then it will be ready to open up to someone who fits your boundaries. I hope you have a good day and keep being strong.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Originally Posted by Maddoc78 
My therapist.....I admit, she was great as I broke away from my marriage. Dealing with M, I had hoped for a bit more? She basically tells me the same things I read here....that there aren't just red flags, there are flags on fire.....this man is toxic and I risk undoing all the good work I have done this past year. I need to value myself beyond feeling attractive for a man, etc. And I told her, YES, I KNOW that I need to do these things----what are the tools to actually do it? And then it drifts off to another topic.
He has reached out. Basically sayign how heartbroken he is....how much he will miss me. how really we could continue to be together. which my response was, WTF? YOU are heartbroken? YOU are the one doing this! YOU are the one who lied. But, it isn't all him...I share the blame as well. I think I always knew he hadn't really filed. And I figured I could ignore it and just deal with it when my divorce came through and he obviously was not any further in his process. he basically said he still wants to meet up for sex and I told him nope, I don't do that....and he said well then I need to block you because no one tells me no when I want to **** them. So I said fine. As my uncle once said (he is in recovery and actually works as a counselor at an in patient facility), "if you want to hook up with a middle aged alcoholic, it isn't hard, just go to any bar any night of the week."
He obviously didn't block me because I woke up to 4 missed facetime calls at 3 am.....SMH. So I will hit the block button myself.
You all have suggested great reading materials which I do want to check out. I think I just feel so overwhelmed by life right now----the divorce, work, my health...even without M in my world, it's like ok, add one more thing to the pile. But I will keep trying.....
He has reached out. Basically sayign how heartbroken he is....how much he will miss me. how really we could continue to be together. which my response was, WTF? YOU are heartbroken? YOU are the one doing this! YOU are the one who lied. But, it isn't all him...I share the blame as well. I think I always knew he hadn't really filed. And I figured I could ignore it and just deal with it when my divorce came through and he obviously was not any further in his process. he basically said he still wants to meet up for sex and I told him nope, I don't do that....and he said well then I need to block you because no one tells me no when I want to **** them. So I said fine. As my uncle once said (he is in recovery and actually works as a counselor at an in patient facility), "if you want to hook up with a middle aged alcoholic, it isn't hard, just go to any bar any night of the week."
He obviously didn't block me because I woke up to 4 missed facetime calls at 3 am.....SMH. So I will hit the block button myself.
You all have suggested great reading materials which I do want to check out. I think I just feel so overwhelmed by life right now----the divorce, work, my health...even without M in my world, it's like ok, add one more thing to the pile. But I will keep trying.....
Is that what you want in your life????
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
Good lord. No wonder your head is spinning. I'm truly sorry Maddoc, that this man is in your life. Yes he's a liar. Whether that is some kind of personality disorder or just plain old alcoholism and living in his own world, who is to say. Regardless of the reason he is not ok. Not even a little bit. His world is an absolute mess. He probably, himself, doesn't know the truth from one hour to the next. When he lies to you maybe that is the truth to him at the time. Which is worse I wonder, someone who just lies or someone who is so delusional that lies become real? Either is toxic.
Compulsive lying is a disorder, delusions, narcissism, sociopathy etc etc all disorders. Do you want a partner with toxic disorders? Forget the alcoholism! This is way way beyond that, although much of it may be caused by that, or increased it for him, these problems he has are HUGE. You cannot deal with them, you cannot help him (unless you are a licensed psychiatrist and even then it would be years of work!).
Maybe if you try to look at it that way. Not as a guy you love with a pretty big alcohol problem that he might want to overcome and as a guy with so many issues they all meld in to one big disaster, that might be helpful in separating yourself from him. There is nothing there for you. For him this is all about him, period.
Again, I am so sorry you ran in to him and that you have been hurt.
Compulsive lying is a disorder, delusions, narcissism, sociopathy etc etc all disorders. Do you want a partner with toxic disorders? Forget the alcoholism! This is way way beyond that, although much of it may be caused by that, or increased it for him, these problems he has are HUGE. You cannot deal with them, you cannot help him (unless you are a licensed psychiatrist and even then it would be years of work!).
Maybe if you try to look at it that way. Not as a guy you love with a pretty big alcohol problem that he might want to overcome and as a guy with so many issues they all meld in to one big disaster, that might be helpful in separating yourself from him. There is nothing there for you. For him this is all about him, period.
Again, I am so sorry you ran in to him and that you have been hurt.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by Maddoc78
He has reached out. Basically sayign how heartbroken he is....how much he will miss me. how really we could continue to be together. which my response was, WTF? YOU are heartbroken? YOU are the one doing this! YOU are the one who lied. But, it isn't all him...I share the blame as well. I think I always knew he hadn't really filed. And I figured I could ignore it and just deal with it when my divorce came through and he obviously was not any further in his process. he basically said he still wants to meet up for sex and I told him nope, I don't do that....and he said well then I need to block you because no one tells me no when I want to **** them. So I said fine. As my uncle once said (he is in recovery and actually works as a counselor at an in patient facility), "if you want to hook up with a middle aged alcoholic, it isn't hard, just go to any bar any night of the week."
He obviously didn't block me because I woke up to 4 missed facetime calls at 3 am.....SMH. So I will hit the block button myself.
He obviously didn't block me because I woke up to 4 missed facetime calls at 3 am.....SMH. So I will hit the block button myself.
I have a teenage daughter and if I ever learned that a man had said something like that to her, I would be on the phone to the police.
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