SparkleKitty

For me, when I was experiencing those feelings, I would have done anything to avoid the actual solution, which was becoming the best partner **to myself** that I could possibly be.

It felt like, the right person could fix me and my feelings of inadequacy, and my lack of self-esteem.

The truth was I had to fix myself. Nothing anyone else could ever do or say could give me what I needed to give myself. It never would have been enough.

dandylion

Alx-----read the reply that you posted on Maddoc's thread. Your comment to her about being rejected by a damaged person for another damaged person.

I think it might be unrealistic to think you would be "over" the feelings, so soon. I think it is more realistic to move past the grieving the loss in many weeks to months, Especially if it was a toxic relationship or if you have certain co-dependency tendencies.
I have to ask---forgive me---did you read the article that I just posted for you---and/ or read the book by Robin Norwood that is recommended in the article?

littlesister1

You should be HONORED that he chose a woman who is clearly a train wreck

It simply means you are too HEALTHY for him

Alxn8r

dandylion - Women Who Love Too Much is dead on!! I am going to get that book tonight. I also start CODA this evening so I should have a good amount of info to process. I will keep plugging away at this problem until I dissolve it. Thank you Again!

Alxn8r

dandylion- I guess I feel that he was so awful that I should have no feelings at all about the whole event. About Women Who Love To Much... I only read the article you linked but I am actually listening to the book right now (audio book) at work!

littlesister1- That is a great point and I know you are right! My problem is reconciling my thoughts/knowledge with my emotions/feelings.

dandylion

Alxn-----once a person invests themselves in another person, and bonds with them----there is always grieving over the loss----It doesn't matter that the relationship was toxic. In fact, toxic relationships can, in some cases, be harder than healthy ones to move on from the break up.

Alxn8r

dandylion - That is the truth!!

Bowielover7

I’m in a similar situation. The guy I had been dating checked into an inpatient program. He’s been out a month and I haven’t seen him, Carley heard from him and he is dating. Completely ghosted me after standing by him through his rock bottom.

I believe he is using again and like many people have said, addicts don’t care about anyone, especially people who are onto their ********. It’s a twisted and manipulative game that leaves you feeling like you aren’t good enough. And I think that’s a high for an addict because they feel so terrible about themselves.

Please get off this roller coaster and ask yourself why you don’t think you deserve more.

Alxn8r

Bowielover7- Thank you for your story! I wish you a fast recovery from the treatment of your addict too. 👍 I finally started going to CODA meetings to get help with understanding (and never repeating) this situation again! I hope I can finally figured things out this time!

ironwill

Alxn8r,

I glad you are able to get the help you need to get through this and help you understand. Know that it won't happen overnight. it will take a while, but with determination, and strength you can find the peace and understanding that you are looking for. I know that you can do this. If ever you have doubts or questions come here for advice. There are a lot of great people here that want to be there for you and help you out. Keep being strong and have a great day.

Alxn8r

Thank you ironwill! I'm gonna try my hardest this time.