PeacefulWater12

Hello all, just checking in to share an update which will hopefully encourage others.

So, as shared before I live with my AH who is very ill as result of life long alcohol abuse. He is very frail and disabled now.

So, my progress I noticed, his medical issues have suddenly ramped up over the last week. He is in very risky place now. New diagnosis, very risky surgery needed. What I noticed though it has had NO impact on me. NONE. I am aware of it fully and I do feel a level of compassion for him yet he has not been able to hook me into listening to endless hours of his moaning and self pity etc.

I have still completely gone about my usual routine. My healthy boundaries intact and enforced, as needed. My self care remains top quality.

Had this diagnosis happened a year or so ago, I would have been completely obsessed by it. Me doing all manner of insane things being involved. Damaging my self esteem and self respect. Completely insane codie behaviours would have come rushing back to play in me.

I would have allowed AH to take out his inability to deal with his feelings and his stress by letting him passively aggressively be nasty to me. I would have allowed him to create chaos in our peaceful, calm home. I no doubt would have been wasting money buying him rubbish to try and cheer him up. I did none of that.

I have allowed HIS diagnosis and subsequent decisions about the medical treatment going forward needed to remain squarely in the right place. On HIS shoulders. I know from his past patterns of behaviour, he would have pressured me into making all the necessary medical decisions for him. He would have taken no responsibility.

Feels very good.

I note also I feel no FOG, Fear Obligation or Guilt. He has tried acting his "poor victim" role to hook me in. No reaction in me.