What are the reasons for lack of self love and compassion
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What are the reasons for lack of self love and compassion
I think I am not compassionate with myself. I've tried to see why I stayed in a relationship without sex or emotional availability. I am just not sure. What are the reasons why someone would stay in such a relationship? Why didn't I think I deserved love and affection? Even now I am not sure why I want to go back but that could be due to trauma bonding but I've always been in relationships that are unsatisfactory. My first boyfriend physically abused me. My second cheated on me. Third was a good man but I dumped him to be with someone for a short while( that person told me he broke up with his girlfriend but hadn't) and finally, I got together with AH right after breaking up with the good man one last time. Even writing this down seems shameful and painful.
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There is nothing to be ashamed of, ltuvia. I hope you will not burden yourself with that.
I can only tell you my experience, which may or may not resonate with you. I was raised in a household with an alcoholic mother and codependent father. Managing my mother's emotions was the paramount industry in our house, and we were all expected to participate with everything we had. This led me to understand that other people's needs and wants were more important than my own. I was shamed for having feelings about anything, and learned they were inconvenient and troublesome to others. My entire being was focused on someone else. I never developed a strong sense of self-respect or a foundation of self-worth. My failures reflected badly on me; my successes were attributed to the patience and inherent goodness of others. My value only existed in relation to someone else: my parents' daughter, my sibling's sister--and eventually, someone else's friend or girlfriend. I was only lovable if someone else loved me. I was only worth anything if someone else gave me that worth. I wasn't good enough, unless I was good enough for someone else. I had no relationship with myself, only with others.
It took a string of unhealthy relationships, one imploded marriage, three years of therapy, a lot of self-work without a romantic relationship in my life, and one short-term relationship with an alcoholic before I got to a point where I could say I was honestly good enough for me, by just being me, on my own. I no longer felt panic and terror at the idea that I might never meet someone and might remain alone. I actually liked being alone with myself. I was good company! I was 36 years old and ready for whatever came next. I had been through a lot and done a lot of things I could have felt shame about, but I recognized that every step I took was a step I needed to take in order to reach that place. I made amends to those I hurt, and I let go of the shame and embarrassment that only I was hanging onto. I couldn't change the past, but I could move forward with confidence that I could make healthier, kinder, more compassionate choices towards myself and others.
I can only tell you my experience, which may or may not resonate with you. I was raised in a household with an alcoholic mother and codependent father. Managing my mother's emotions was the paramount industry in our house, and we were all expected to participate with everything we had. This led me to understand that other people's needs and wants were more important than my own. I was shamed for having feelings about anything, and learned they were inconvenient and troublesome to others. My entire being was focused on someone else. I never developed a strong sense of self-respect or a foundation of self-worth. My failures reflected badly on me; my successes were attributed to the patience and inherent goodness of others. My value only existed in relation to someone else: my parents' daughter, my sibling's sister--and eventually, someone else's friend or girlfriend. I was only lovable if someone else loved me. I was only worth anything if someone else gave me that worth. I wasn't good enough, unless I was good enough for someone else. I had no relationship with myself, only with others.
It took a string of unhealthy relationships, one imploded marriage, three years of therapy, a lot of self-work without a romantic relationship in my life, and one short-term relationship with an alcoholic before I got to a point where I could say I was honestly good enough for me, by just being me, on my own. I no longer felt panic and terror at the idea that I might never meet someone and might remain alone. I actually liked being alone with myself. I was good company! I was 36 years old and ready for whatever came next. I had been through a lot and done a lot of things I could have felt shame about, but I recognized that every step I took was a step I needed to take in order to reach that place. I made amends to those I hurt, and I let go of the shame and embarrassment that only I was hanging onto. I couldn't change the past, but I could move forward with confidence that I could make healthier, kinder, more compassionate choices towards myself and others.
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Thank you SK. I am now 34 years old and I am terrified of never finding someone in my life or growing old and alone. I don't want that but I also want to have enough self love that I don't want to want to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone. As far as I know my dad never drank alcoholically or anything. He admitted recently that he used to smoke and he just stopped one day. He has a habit of chewing tobacco and Beatle leaf(common in India) and he has not stopped that despite all the attempts from our family. So it's not necessarily alcohol but there is something else he is using to cope with stressful emotions I believe. My mother does exhibit some codependent behaviours but I guess I need to observe more. I don't know from where this comes from. I had lot of conflict due to my angry reactions when I was a child and lot of blaming me for everything. Maybe that's where?
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Let me tell you a secret, my friend -- when you overcome this fear of being along (and you will), you will be ready when a healthy potential partner comes along. When I fully realized I was okay being alone, I met my now-husband almost immediately, even though we had had a ton of mutual friends for at least ten years. It would have been no good meeting the right person and the wrong time. That was about thirteen years ago and we are still going strong.
As for the why and where does it comes from--I honestly believe that is a lot less important than accepting what it is, and working to change your behaviors and self-perception accordingly. Give your therapy time--eventually the two of you will tease out where it comes from, but needing to know that shouldn't hinder you from making progress on your own relationship with yourself.
As for the why and where does it comes from--I honestly believe that is a lot less important than accepting what it is, and working to change your behaviors and self-perception accordingly. Give your therapy time--eventually the two of you will tease out where it comes from, but needing to know that shouldn't hinder you from making progress on your own relationship with yourself.
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Ituvia----I think that SparkleKitty's post on the issue is so articulate----worthy of printing out and saving, to be read over and over.
Due to the nature of this forum, naturally, the subject of self love and self esteem is a frequent topic of discussion.
Sometimes, I think that the very idea of self "Love" may seem to big to wrap one's head around---too foreign of a concept.
I think, that, maybe, it would might make more sense to strive to "become familiar with one's self"----as the first baby step.
Some people have said that they didn't even know what they liked, at the most simple level. I recall one member saying that they became totally overwhelmed at being asked to pick which hardware to pick for new kitchen cabinets. I have heard of one celebrity relate about being overwhelmed when asked what flavor of ice cream, on a trip to an ice cream shop. Another spoke of being paralyzed when asked to decide which restaurant to visit, by a group of peers.
Of course, that is just one example of not even being familiar with one's preferences----but, I think that lack of "familiarity with self" can go very deep into all areas of a person's life.
After all, how can someone relate to loving someone that they are n ot even familiar with?
LOL----one of the loudest and most familiar refrains, heard on this forum----"Focus on your self!!!"-----I would modify, for the beginners, to "Become Familiar with yourself".
Due to the nature of this forum, naturally, the subject of self love and self esteem is a frequent topic of discussion.
Sometimes, I think that the very idea of self "Love" may seem to big to wrap one's head around---too foreign of a concept.
I think, that, maybe, it would might make more sense to strive to "become familiar with one's self"----as the first baby step.
Some people have said that they didn't even know what they liked, at the most simple level. I recall one member saying that they became totally overwhelmed at being asked to pick which hardware to pick for new kitchen cabinets. I have heard of one celebrity relate about being overwhelmed when asked what flavor of ice cream, on a trip to an ice cream shop. Another spoke of being paralyzed when asked to decide which restaurant to visit, by a group of peers.
Of course, that is just one example of not even being familiar with one's preferences----but, I think that lack of "familiarity with self" can go very deep into all areas of a person's life.
After all, how can someone relate to loving someone that they are n ot even familiar with?
LOL----one of the loudest and most familiar refrains, heard on this forum----"Focus on your self!!!"-----I would modify, for the beginners, to "Become Familiar with yourself".
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I am terrified of never finding someone in my life or growing old and alone
Looking for something other than yourself to make you enough is a sure way to be miserable. Thoughts do not have power of their own. When you identify and believe in a thought, you give power to the thought. Your mind will believe what you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it love. Stop looking outwards. Look inward. You are enough.
All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for. Jon Kabat-Zinn
I don't know from where this comes from. I had lot of conflict due to my angry reactions when I was a child and lot of blaming me for everything. Maybe that's where?
It all starts with acceptance of yourself as being enough because no amount of searching or self improvement can make up for lack of self-acceptance.
You are enough and are all that you need.
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I had this realisation today that no matter what, ultimately I keep going back to the thoughts about RAH. Thinking desperately that it's not Narcissim and he is just a dry drunk or whatever and now that he is working tbe steps it will be ok. I must've not love myself enough to just care about myself and not think about this or that about him. I just can't stop myself. Much like the alcoholic who cannot stop drinking. Only that my issue seems to have no outwardly symptoms.
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The codependency is strong with me. I can feel it. A friend who is going through seperation seems to be able to focus on her self much more easily. She even asks me why can't you focus on yourself? To which I just didn't know why.
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Ituvia----I think that SparkleKitty's post on the issue is so articulate----worthy of printing out and saving, to be read over and over.
Due to the nature of this forum, naturally, the subject of self love and self esteem is a frequent topic of discussion.
Sometimes, I think that the very idea of self "Love" may seem to big to wrap one's head around---too foreign of a concept.
I think, that, maybe, it would might make more sense to strive to "become familiar with one's self"----as the first baby step.
Some people have said that they didn't even know what they liked, at the most simple level. I recall one member saying that they became totally overwhelmed at being asked to pick which hardware to pick for new kitchen cabinets. I have heard of one celebrity relate about being overwhelmed when asked what flavor of ice cream, on a trip to an ice cream shop. Another spoke of being paralyzed when asked to decide which restaurant to visit, by a group of peers.
Of course, that is just one example of not even being familiar with one's preferences----but, I think that lack of "familiarity with self" can go very deep into all areas of a person's life.
After all, how can someone relate to loving someone that they are n ot even familiar with?
LOL----one of the loudest and most familiar refrains, heard on this forum----"Focus on your self!!!"-----I would modify, for the beginners, to "Become Familiar with yourself".
Due to the nature of this forum, naturally, the subject of self love and self esteem is a frequent topic of discussion.
Sometimes, I think that the very idea of self "Love" may seem to big to wrap one's head around---too foreign of a concept.
I think, that, maybe, it would might make more sense to strive to "become familiar with one's self"----as the first baby step.
Some people have said that they didn't even know what they liked, at the most simple level. I recall one member saying that they became totally overwhelmed at being asked to pick which hardware to pick for new kitchen cabinets. I have heard of one celebrity relate about being overwhelmed when asked what flavor of ice cream, on a trip to an ice cream shop. Another spoke of being paralyzed when asked to decide which restaurant to visit, by a group of peers.
Of course, that is just one example of not even being familiar with one's preferences----but, I think that lack of "familiarity with self" can go very deep into all areas of a person's life.
After all, how can someone relate to loving someone that they are n ot even familiar with?
LOL----one of the loudest and most familiar refrains, heard on this forum----"Focus on your self!!!"-----I would modify, for the beginners, to "Become Familiar with yourself".
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Ituvia----I suspect that you need more help and guidance with the "become acquainted with yourself'----or, what others call "focus on yourself" concept. It is hard to change a lifetime behavior in a single pass.
Like with alcoholics----they have to go to an AA meeting every day, sometimes. And, Every Morning, they have to make a commitment to stay sober for that day. Hence----"One day at a time".
It makes sense, to me, that we need every bit of help and attention, as they do.
Like with alcoholics----they have to go to an AA meeting every day, sometimes. And, Every Morning, they have to make a commitment to stay sober for that day. Hence----"One day at a time".
It makes sense, to me, that we need every bit of help and attention, as they do.
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Originally Posted by Ituvia
Thinking desperately that it's not Narcissim and he is just a dry drunk or whatever and now that he is working tbe steps it will be ok.
You have only recently separated from your AH. To think you won't think about him is perhaps unrealistic. It's HOW you approach it that may make a difference. You do need to continue your work to find that though.
The quote from you above. "It will be ok", maybe ponder what "it" is. What do you love about him? What do you miss about him? Do ANY of those things actually have to do with him as a person or is it more about you? For instance, you miss having someone to go to the store with (bad example but you get my meaning). From what you have described this has not been a real relationship for years, so examining what you are really missing probably holds a key to why you are where you are.
If you were angry when you were younger (and perhaps now) that can come from many things. You may have felt unprotected in your home, that people would accuse you of being angry without looking deeper at where that came from. Basically it can be many things, but as SK mentioned, working on the result of that, right now, is important, rather than having to figure out the reasons, which you will probably discover over time.
You are who you are and that's ok. Maybe try saying that to yourself in the mirror every day.
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I hear your frustration Ituvia, but I just have to say what a remarkable accomplishment
you have just made in realizing and then acknowledging this about yourself!
This is very, very important progress on your journey and you are doing so well.
Try to hang in there with the unknowing and lack of answers, it will come with
time. You are discovering deeply ingrained beliefs you have about yourself
and with self compassion, you will grow and flourish.
As others said, we need help with this growth; alanon, therapy, our higher power,
SR, education through reading, and journaling.
Consider that you are regressing back into your comfort zone when you think
about returning to your husband. A very unhealthy place for you, but
unfortunately, familiar and comfortable in a bad way.
https://self-compassion.org/the-thre...-compassion-2/
you have just made in realizing and then acknowledging this about yourself!
This is very, very important progress on your journey and you are doing so well.
Try to hang in there with the unknowing and lack of answers, it will come with
time. You are discovering deeply ingrained beliefs you have about yourself
and with self compassion, you will grow and flourish.
As others said, we need help with this growth; alanon, therapy, our higher power,
SR, education through reading, and journaling.
Consider that you are regressing back into your comfort zone when you think
about returning to your husband. A very unhealthy place for you, but
unfortunately, familiar and comfortable in a bad way.
https://self-compassion.org/the-thre...-compassion-2/
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Originally Posted by Ituvia
Thank you SK. I am now 34 years old and I am terrified of never finding someone in my life or growing old and alone. I don't want that but I also want to have enough self love that I don't want to want to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone.
A million excuses, that all come down to "I don't want to be alone." It was like that for me, too. My own parents were fine, never pressured me to get married or have kids. But I remember working with an older woman who said something was wrong with me if I "hadn't been able to catch a man yet." That stung, even though in my head, I knew better. When I got married, I adored my husband, (and he was a good guy) but in my gut, I worried it might be my last chance.
In widowhood, I had the same thoughts. Being older and wiser, I realized I would be better off alone than morally and legally bound to another bad match.
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I know I am supposed to practice this but this is exactly what I am struggling with.
Originally Posted by nez
This would seem to indicate that you don't think that you are enough. That something else is needed to validate your existence, which is completely false. You are enough.
Looking for something other than yourself to make you enough is a sure way to be miserable. Thoughts do not have power of their own. When you identify and believe in a thought, you give power to the thought. Your mind will believe what you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it love. Stop looking outwards. Look inward. You are enough.
"Where" is not as important as to "what" to do about it. When you focus on "what", stress and anxiety will lessen; peace and serenity will increase and answers of "where" will slowly reveal themselves because they are not important any more as you are already in the solution.
It all starts with acceptance of yourself as being enough because no amount of searching or self improvement can make up for lack of self-acceptance.
You are enough and are all that you need.
Looking for something other than yourself to make you enough is a sure way to be miserable. Thoughts do not have power of their own. When you identify and believe in a thought, you give power to the thought. Your mind will believe what you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it love. Stop looking outwards. Look inward. You are enough.
"Where" is not as important as to "what" to do about it. When you focus on "what", stress and anxiety will lessen; peace and serenity will increase and answers of "where" will slowly reveal themselves because they are not important any more as you are already in the solution.
It all starts with acceptance of yourself as being enough because no amount of searching or self improvement can make up for lack of self-acceptance.
You are enough and are all that you need.
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The IT is the companionship that I had or at least I think I had. Yes he is emotionally and sexually unavailable. He'd sit on his laptop all day but when I asked him why he doesn't botber spending time with me instead of the laptop, he'd say that because of the crisis he needs to get himself upgraded and find a new job. We were also going to relocate abroad so finding a job was going to be difficult. Since I don't have technical skills per se, he was saying he would find a job quickly to sustain us and then I could get one. It was always something or tbe other most of the time. He immerses himself into his work and always tells me work is worship.
now that we are seperated temporarily, he has been saying that he has realised the below. I don't know if it's all crap or he actually realises his mistake. But like I said in the other thread, I've decided to NOT decide right now because it's just so overwhelming.
/////
I have realized the gravest mistake of my life, which was to pursue financial growth at the expense of familial values and ties.
I went on with the belief that this world will forgive and forget who I was if I achieve financial and career growth, I was terribly wrong.
I had cut everyone out from my life because I wanted to achieve that financial and career success before I can hold my head high and talk to them.
With this realization I am working on myself for a better future, there is only one take away from these dark times.
Everything happens for a reason and the reason is my realization. I am sorry once again for not giving your opinions a fair thought and chance.
We have come through a long and arduous path, the lessons we have learnt are priceless and once again I believe that what we are going through is a brilliant test of our resolve to be a better person than who we were a few months back. On one hand I am happy for what we are going through, but on the other hand every day away from you feels like a lifetime. /////////
now that we are seperated temporarily, he has been saying that he has realised the below. I don't know if it's all crap or he actually realises his mistake. But like I said in the other thread, I've decided to NOT decide right now because it's just so overwhelming.
/////
I have realized the gravest mistake of my life, which was to pursue financial growth at the expense of familial values and ties.
I went on with the belief that this world will forgive and forget who I was if I achieve financial and career growth, I was terribly wrong.
I had cut everyone out from my life because I wanted to achieve that financial and career success before I can hold my head high and talk to them.
With this realization I am working on myself for a better future, there is only one take away from these dark times.
Everything happens for a reason and the reason is my realization. I am sorry once again for not giving your opinions a fair thought and chance.
We have come through a long and arduous path, the lessons we have learnt are priceless and once again I believe that what we are going through is a brilliant test of our resolve to be a better person than who we were a few months back. On one hand I am happy for what we are going through, but on the other hand every day away from you feels like a lifetime. /////////
Originally Posted by trailmix
Time takes time? You are just at the beginning of this. You have made progress. The advice from SK and dandylion is so spot on!
You have only recently separated from your AH. To think you won't think about him is perhaps unrealistic. It's HOW you approach it that may make a difference. You do need to continue your work to find that though.
The quote from you above. "It will be ok", maybe ponder what "it" is. What do you love about him? What do you miss about him? Do ANY of those things actually have to do with him as a person or is it more about you? For instance, you miss having someone to go to the store with (bad example but you get my meaning). From what you have described this has not been a real relationship for years, so examining what you are really missing probably holds a key to why you are where you are.
If you were angry when you were younger (and perhaps now) that can come from many things. You may have felt unprotected in your home, that people would accuse you of being angry without looking deeper at where that came from. Basically it can be many things, but as SK mentioned, working on the result of that, right now, is important, rather than having to figure out the reasons, which you will probably discover over time.
You are who you are and that's ok. Maybe try saying that to yourself in the mirror every day.
You have only recently separated from your AH. To think you won't think about him is perhaps unrealistic. It's HOW you approach it that may make a difference. You do need to continue your work to find that though.
The quote from you above. "It will be ok", maybe ponder what "it" is. What do you love about him? What do you miss about him? Do ANY of those things actually have to do with him as a person or is it more about you? For instance, you miss having someone to go to the store with (bad example but you get my meaning). From what you have described this has not been a real relationship for years, so examining what you are really missing probably holds a key to why you are where you are.
If you were angry when you were younger (and perhaps now) that can come from many things. You may have felt unprotected in your home, that people would accuse you of being angry without looking deeper at where that came from. Basically it can be many things, but as SK mentioned, working on the result of that, right now, is important, rather than having to figure out the reasons, which you will probably discover over time.
You are who you are and that's ok. Maybe try saying that to yourself in the mirror every day.
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Originally Posted by Ituvia
I've decided to NOT decide right now because it's just so overwhelming.
So I read that and I think, well, those are kind of nice words. But they are just words. This behaviour has obviously damaged the relationship you had tremendously. I'm sure another question you have is, if all things work out as he says and you envision, can you even overcome that history. Maybe, maybe not. It would really kind of be like starting all over again and seeing where it goes (if all those things do happen).
Of course you are confused. You have been treated poorly for years and now all you have are some words to go on, who wouldn't be!
Actions, not words. Pace yourself, you have all the time you want.
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Originally Posted by Ituvia
I know I am supposed to practice this but this is exactly what I am struggling with.
You how you hear - hey, you wouldn't talk to your enemy like that, why are you talking to yourself like that? Well that's actually true and when I finally accepted that, it became much easier to look at myself and say, you know what, you are ok.
It doesn't matter if you get angry sometimes, if you cry at movies, if you are short or tall or big or small or prefer to do some things in a particular way, it just doesn't matter, because it's ok, you are ok! I think the road to loving yourself (which can be a tall order when you don't really) starts with acceptance. I am this way or that and that's ok. It's good, I'm good.
It's not a blind path, we all have things to work on all the time, so we do, but mostly we are ok.
What are the good things about you Ituvia? You have told us you have anger, but what are the good things? Are you kind to people? Are you a good listener? Do you like hearing about other people and sharing your opinion? Do you cook for someone (or even for yourself), do you try to do the "next right thing" as much as you can?
I'm sure there are wonderful things about you that you could be listing, Maybe make that list for yourself?
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Thank you Trail. I do love to cook for people and myself. I learnt singing for a long time and I loved loved singing. It was soothing my Anxiety. AH used to tell me that I could sing even after a fight. I think that was q coping mechanism. Now I am not able to. I love animals and worked with rescues for a long time till last year. It's unbearable for me to watch any kind of cruelty and I stand up for animals(and humans) but generally animals. The way I confront animal cruelty maybe wrong but I am not wrong for standing up. I cannot turn the other way.
i used to read a lot as a child and adolescent but when I went off to college I think that's when I started having peak Anxiety and everything from then to till last year seems like a blur. I am on meds now and I have finally started reading books. The turning point was when I read the power of Now after AH had it for years. I never looked at it but the intense suffering forced me to to explore Eckhart's books. Like they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And I truly think Eckhart is my teacher.
i used to read a lot as a child and adolescent but when I went off to college I think that's when I started having peak Anxiety and everything from then to till last year seems like a blur. I am on meds now and I have finally started reading books. The turning point was when I read the power of Now after AH had it for years. I never looked at it but the intense suffering forced me to to explore Eckhart's books. Like they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And I truly think Eckhart is my teacher.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Well, I had some issues with self esteem as well. I didn't talk to myself nicely, put myself down, reprimanded myself etc etc.
You how you hear - hey, you wouldn't talk to your enemy like that, why are you talking to yourself like that? Well that's actually true and when I finally accepted that, it became much easier to look at myself and say, you know what, you are ok.
It doesn't matter if you get angry sometimes, if you cry at movies, if you are short or tall or big or small or prefer to do some things in a particular way, it just doesn't matter, because it's ok, you are ok! I think the road to loving yourself (which can be a tall order when you don't really) starts with acceptance. I am this way or that and that's ok. It's good, I'm good.
It's not a blind path, we all have things to work on all the time, so we do, but mostly we are ok.
What are the good things about you Ituvia? You have told us you have anger, but what are the good things? Are you kind to people? Are you a good listener? Do you like hearing about other people and sharing your opinion? Do you cook for someone (or even for yourself), do you try to do the "next right thing" as much as you can?
I'm sure there are wonderful things about you that you could be listing, Maybe make that list for yourself?
You how you hear - hey, you wouldn't talk to your enemy like that, why are you talking to yourself like that? Well that's actually true and when I finally accepted that, it became much easier to look at myself and say, you know what, you are ok.
It doesn't matter if you get angry sometimes, if you cry at movies, if you are short or tall or big or small or prefer to do some things in a particular way, it just doesn't matter, because it's ok, you are ok! I think the road to loving yourself (which can be a tall order when you don't really) starts with acceptance. I am this way or that and that's ok. It's good, I'm good.
It's not a blind path, we all have things to work on all the time, so we do, but mostly we are ok.
What are the good things about you Ituvia? You have told us you have anger, but what are the good things? Are you kind to people? Are you a good listener? Do you like hearing about other people and sharing your opinion? Do you cook for someone (or even for yourself), do you try to do the "next right thing" as much as you can?
I'm sure there are wonderful things about you that you could be listing, Maybe make that list for yourself?
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot w was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. ‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’
The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? ‘That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’
I’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them and this includes myself. I may be a cracked pot, but that is okay. It is me, just the way I am. I can work on or with the cracks, in the meantime, as long as I look for the good, I will have a good day, especially if I remember to smell the flowers on my side of the path!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
See, there are many good things about you, how often has anyone really focused on that, especially you? You mention everyone focusing on your anger, well, you might have a good reason for that anger. What anyone else thinks does not define you though. Your anger no more defines you than your love of animals or your singing, they are all part of you and all serve a purpose.
I'm so glad you are able to read books again, that's got to be a huge step in the right direction. Remember to read for enjoyment too! How about starting singing again? Even just for yourself. Once all the lock-downs are over have you considered joining a choir, maybe you have one at your church? Perhaps there are animals you can help as well.
It would be good to get back to the things you are passionate about.
So yes, you have many good traits, please stay focused on those, perhaps that is the "next right step".
I'm so glad you are able to read books again, that's got to be a huge step in the right direction. Remember to read for enjoyment too! How about starting singing again? Even just for yourself. Once all the lock-downs are over have you considered joining a choir, maybe you have one at your church? Perhaps there are animals you can help as well.
It would be good to get back to the things you are passionate about.
So yes, you have many good traits, please stay focused on those, perhaps that is the "next right step".
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