dandylion

Maddoc-----when you list the things that you saw as his "assets" ----can you identify the ones that were srokes to your ego? And the thing about the relationship, itself that stroked your ego--or self esteem. I think that those things that stroke our own ego are very powerful----especially, for those of us who might, feel 'starved" for intimate attention----or, secretly, feel like we are not good enough,or might have co-dependent tendencies, etc. for,example, someone who is very handsome and charming, socially, can look (on the surface) like a "trophy" that is like heroine to our self esteem when they are ";love bombing" us. {erhaps, it could be someones financial security or their esteemed professional status----that we feel proud to be associated with, that can give us a feeling od social validation from friends, family and society, at large. but, it could be other angles on our self esteem. also.
Perhaps, ask yourself the question----what is the main feature of him that you can't see yourself living without (at least, not now)?
I think that this kind of self examination can give us rich information about our own selves and what our emotional wants and needs are.

Ariesagain

This is a false dichotomy and it’s how you get sucked in and lose your mind in the process: the drunk guy and the not drunk guy are the same guy. Don’t lie to yourself about that.

I get it. I’ve been there. It’s your very own soap opera and you have a starring role! It’s really hard not to tune in for the next dramatic episode! I hear it in your posts...you’re addicted to the drama. Makeups, breakups (why would you kiss him goodbye the morning after your last nightmare fight?)...it’s compelling as hell.

Here’s the problem: this isn’t television, it’s your life, with real-life consequences. He’s already suggesting how you need to bail him out financially. That should be sending you screaming toward the exits. So why aren’t you?

If you don’t walk away now and stay away, this soap opera will consume you.

trailmix

You cannot apply rational, logical "regular" relationship things to this relationship, it's not true and it will lead you down the garden path. He either appreciates you or he doesn't and right now he is probably totally incapable of that, which has zero to do with you and probably much to do with his alcoholism and the fact that he has truly gone off the rails.

Like thinking of him as two people (no he's really not, drunk or sober, he is the same guy). If you really sit down and think about what he has said and done, are these the comments and actions of a person who has it together? Not at all. Is that a guy you want as your partner? Sure, you can be with him if you want to look after him for years, is that your calling?

He is not relationship material, may never be. Imagine if you found someone who had great traits, who called when he said he would, who took you out, remembered your birthday and celebrated it with you etc. These men exist, that is not him.

As for handling his calls? What can you say? He can ask you for money and you can say no, ok that covers that. He can say he loves and misses you and you can go back and in 2 days he will be plastered and talking about his wife etc. Much better to just text if he does call and say you need a break from the drama and leave it at that. Time will help you see this more clearly.

Bekindalways

How are you doing Maddoc?