Wombaticus

Hi all. I've been separated for 3 or 4 weeks now. There's been a bit of back pedalling from him about ending things. I am definately done, so no going back for me.My mind has been completely taken off that by son's suicide threats and self harm. I've done a really good job of putting supports in place and he is starting to come out of that dark place.I just had a colleague text me in a zoom mtg to ask if i was ok, as I didn't seem myself.I'm not myself and I'm not ok. I've not cried for over a week, but now I need to.Marriage breakdown, suicidal kid, iso. What a year.I'm very lucky I have good friends who I have been meeting up with to walk and talk.I know this is going to take a long time to work through, but I'm still very glad the breakup has happened. The list of things to do is overwhelming. First, make sure kid is safe. I'm safe, check.Wash clothesFind somewhere to live. Cook dinner.Start packing.Go to work.Take one day at a time.This too shall pass.

dandylion

Wombaticus, I think you are doing really well, under the circumstances. I think making a decision---even a dreaded decision can bring a certain kind of relief. It seems to free up the mind so that one can focus on the practical elements that need to be addresses. Backpeddling is not unusual for the alcoholic or super critical spouse, when it comes to shove. LOL---my first husband tried to back pedal like an Olympic Rower, but, for me it was too little--to late.It does feel overwhelming, at first, due to the multitude of things to address in a practical, daily living, kind of way----but, it does get easier and easier as time passes.

Wombaticus

Thanks Dandy. So much going on in my head right now. So sick of the anxiety!!!!!!!

FeelingGreat

Hi W, good to hear from you again. I know that the iso won't be helping any because even those of us without other stressors are finding this difficult and having a suicidal son def won't help.
I'm glad you don't regret splitting with your AH. At least it eliminates one factor causing you stress. It's also great you have friends to vent to.
I really admire the way you're supporting your son.
All the best, this too will pass.

SmallButMighty

You are approaching your situation in the best possible way Wom. You are right , it isn't easy, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but like you, I just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep breathing and do the next thing that needed doin'.
I'm glad you gave us an update, I've been wondering about you. Sending some strength and courage your way. *hugs*

dandylion

Wombaticus----I just remembered an old experience from my own life, when I was divorcing my first husband, I was working two jobs at the hospital, and raising three very small children with nothing but grief from their father. One night, as I was working the night shift, I went out on a patio to take a brief coffee break. It was just after dawn, and I was so tired---and wondering how I was going to get strength for the coming day. As I stood there thinking, I happened to glance over and see a clump of daffodils that were coming up---the very first ones of that spring. As I looked at them so fresh and new after the winter, tears started streaming down my face. I just stood there crying---but, I was crying tears of relief and a strange feeling of joy and freedom. The daffodils signaled to me that there was a new life coming---a life of freedom and peace of mind. I will never forget seeing those sweet yellow daffodils.

Amaranth

wombaticus
you sound like you're managing to keep up with practical things. This is good. Keep holding on ,it will get easier

trailmix

Hi Womabticus, great to hear from you. It does sound like you have an awful lot on your plate right now. I'm so glad you have a group to walk and talk with, that can make a huge difference.
It will pass and you will be settled once again and there will be peace and contentment. Hold on to that. I also think you are doing really well.

hopeful4

One day at a time friend! All of your priorities are in place. Big hugs!