Maddoc78

Hi All,

I posted on here a week or so ago about my trainwreck of a boyfriend. I wanted to update you all, thank you again for your support which I continue to need in light of the last 24 hours.

So, history here---a few times during this relationship, M made some very provocative statements (always when middle of the night ********* drunk, vs. you know his day time happy drinking) which when pushed on it he would say, "I am just f$%^ing with you! Oh my you are so easy to tease, lol." One of those statements was, "I am married. She lives in PA." When he first said this, I was like um WTF, you are joking right? And he said no...I pushed back, well, technically I am still married, so...and a bit of back and forth and he said, no I am not married. I was. Been divorced 8 years....He said it a second time and it was still she lives in PA, but now she is a nurse and she has an autistic son. Then again when I pushed & said ok I am out, he staring me in the eye, he would grin and say, no, I an NOT remarried. Last week while hanging out he said he had bought a house in Pasadena, MD, was moving there because he was about to lose his house in VA. Now---he has been struggling with foreclosure and bankruptcy, so I actually believed this. Told him that was great, get a fresh start, new place, sober life. He laughed and said, oh my god, I did NOT buy a house! After all the **** I have done to save this one, I am never moving. The next day, when he was only one beer in, I asked him----so the new house in Pasadena? How do you come up with this ****? He said, yeah, you can't listen to me when I am drunk. Usually there is a backstory and a little fact in there to make the ******** more believable, like it COULD be real but it isn't.

You can guess where I am going. He has been almost silent since sending me away to get drunk the other night. Last night around midnight he texted "I need to die." So, yeah, stupid codependent me starts texting him how he can't give up, blah blah....He calls and says ok yeah I am out drinking, I am not out with other women doing ****. But we need to talk when I get home about the stuff I told you when I was drunk. He got home and called. Said he is actually married. Happened a little over a year ago. They knew each other all of 2 months. Haven't ever lived together. Hasn't seen her since November. But yes, I am married. How he will miss me....he is sorry. At first I was still like, wait, you are messing with me. This makes no sense. I have seen zero sign of a woman in his house. I have stayed at his house on weekends, weekdays.....he took me to all his local hangouts and introduced me as his girlfriend. I ran his name through 2 different background check sites and they both said he is divorced and single. He told me her name, said she is a nurse in Lancaster County...he said great now you are going to research her and tell her you have been ******* her husband and it's going to be a whole thing and cause me drama. I said, no I am not going to do that...why would i? He said, really I think you would, why wouldn't you?....and he just looked confused. And then he said, Why aren't you crying? I really expected you to be more upset....I said, I am all cried out over you M. I have spent the last few days crying over you and worried about you and wanting to get you help. I can't cry anymore. At the end of the last call he said something about how I need to read up on his disease and I said, what's the point now? And he hung up. He called back adn I didn't answer.

This went on for a bit...I told him wTF were you doing on a dating app? He said, we aren't together, I don't see her, we don't live together. I said you could have been honest---he said I did tell you, and you refused to believe me. I told you a few times. I said, twice, when drunk. And then insisted you were lying. I said, you told me to hurry up and get my divorce so I can marry you. Just last week. Why say that **** if you are married? Why do I need to hurry? And he said well cause mine will be super quick....I said ok, then do it. I don't understand why you stay married to someone you never see and don't love. He said ok and then we start dating again once our two divorces are final. And then back to , "you deserve so much better. you should hate me. Do you hate me? I am a drunk and I will probably kill myself one of these days....You need to forget about me and move on. I am married." And then he is showing me his new sheets on the bed and how he misses me....how she is abusive, she freaked out on him the last time she was in town because she saw a woman texted him and she jumped on top of him at the bar, started beating the **** out of him and they had to pull her off. If true, WTF why wouldn't you divorce or start it?

I hung up on him and since sent a long text basically saying he is a coward, I am super humiliated.....how I am sure this woman thinks they are in a real marriage.....and that he doesn't have to worry about me contacting her. Why bother?

So.....I have since googled the name he gave me and nada. Zip. I ran his name through the background check sites again, under PA instead of VA. Nothing. I get that maybe she doesn't use his last name....but why would he tell me her first name plus his last name?

I am done with this guy....but...holy crap. My head is spinning....I feel humiliated. I feel like a moron for falling for this.....he is someone's husband?! Or is this some new messed up mind game? As in, he dated someone who lives in Lancaster (which his puppy that is 1 1/2 yrs old, he did tell me he got her in PA and I always said, oh huh, well why or how did you find her? And he said this girl I knew was like you should get this puppy....sigh)....when I asked him her name, he hesitated a bit and I thought, a ha! he is going to say he is messing with me...instead he gave me a name, Chrissy. He said, remember I called you Chrissy the one night I was really messed up. Another twisted way to push me away? Or to see how much I am willing to tolerate?? What possible benefit could this person get from this marriage to him, I mean he had a good job...but he is going bankrupt, into foreclosure, had his DUI (around the time of this "marriage")...my best friend said maybe she married him and realized what a mess he is and that's why she never moved in with him or vice versa....I said yeah, but then you get a divorce and go on. WTF.

Again, just don't even know what to think or feel.....so glad I have a counseling session this afternoon. And naturally he has ignored my text.....

I feel nauseous. Someone in my other thread mentioned he sounded like he has sociopathic tendencies.....is that what this is? I am trying to process this all and don't know where to start or....god....I trusted him. Even if he was a disaster as a boyfriend, I thought we had a friendship and he constantly swore he would never cheat, he would never **** me over so I should relax....