Saint Francis

It's been forever since I last posted. 5 years ago my AH and I separated. I had to give him the ultimatum of beer or me. He chose beer and left. In that 5 years I helped out in his near death trips to the hospital 4 times and nursing homes where he sobered up until the days he got out. Then he was back to being a mean drunk again.
A week ago I got the call from the trauma center 2 hours away. He was in grave condition after lying on the floor for 7 days. As his legal wife, I had to make the difficult decision to remove him from the ventilator, he passed 3 hours later, alone (no visitors during the virus). I'm devasted that's how his life ended, mostly how his user drinking buddies just let him lie naked on the floor for 7 days in his own wastes. Never getting any help, calling an ambulance, anything, nothing at all. In the midst of all this I have all the sadness, anger, and clean up. 54 years old, married for 21 years. It's all such a waste! The end.

Libby06

I'm sorry for your loss saint Francis. Thank you for coming back and reminding us of what our fate could be if we continue down the path of alcohol addiction. You spent a great deal of your life involved and loving him. I cant imagine your pain, not pretend to. I wish you peace and healing. I'm sorry he died alone.

dandylion

Saint Francis, an am very moved as I read your story.My heart goes out to you and I feel so much compassion for your pain. I can tell that you did all that you could do.I am sure that you will be grieving, but I would like to remind you not to beat yourself up for any of the things that you could not control. You were never in control of him or the alcoholism.You did your best at the times.

BeckoningCat

I'm so sorry for your loss, Saint Francis. I know there's nothing I can say that will make it better, but my heart goes out to you.

Also, I love your user name.

Saint Francis

Thank you. I used to come to this forum often when I needed support. It was a long road and I was certain of the outcome. Another thing that is awful is getting less support from friends and family because you were separated and receiving well-meaning statements like "At least his suffering is over." I got maybe 3 sympathy cards and my siblings finally chipped in for some flowers after all the times I chipped in for inlaws' relative's deaths. Just seems unfair.

dandylion

SF. I know what you are saying. I do think that some people don't know what to say to the grieving----so, they say anything that comes to mind.Also, unless someone have walked in your kind of shoes, they just don't understand.
I remember, that, after my husband died---rather suddenly and u nexpectedly, I felt that I was doing rather well, for the circumstances. So many people would grab my hands, and say "He would want you to go on". I had the urge to reply "What in the Hell do you think I am doing!".

SmallButMighty

Heartbreaking stuff SF. I am so sorry you've had to endure any and all of it. You are right, it is horribly unfair, all of it.
I do think it is hard for people to find the right words sometimes. But really there isn't anything anyone can say or do that really helps the situation. It's just all so grievous.
Again, I am so sorry this happened. *hugs*

FeelingGreat

It is a terrible waste. Some people just don't have the strength to fight alcohol and just give up and die. It was always out of your control, and you did what you could. I'm sure he would say so as well.

Amaranth

Saint FrancisI'm so sorry for the way it turned out. It's so sad and even though you probably knew this could happen one day, it's still such a shock when it does. You did all you could. My heart goes out to you.

hopeful4

I am so very sorry. You just have to remember that people truly do not understand at all what you are going through.
Sending you huge hugs.