trailmix

If you must dwell, at least dwell in reality? He, whoever his is, is not some great guy who has found the perfect woman? In reality they are probably just using each other.

Try not to romanticize her, I know it hurts but she has changed, pretty much beyond recognition. Now, that is sad for sure and it's hurtful for you because the woman you did love is basically, personality wise, gone.

She has chosen this lifestyle and this is a person that invited you back in to her life and her life is a mess. What kind of person does that?

So yes, the ending of any relationship where you still care is painful but you will get through this. It is so important not to ruminate! That will just drag you down. Time to look forward a bit. This virus will pass, you will go back to work your Daughter will go back to school, you will meet new people.

Keep yourself distracted as much as possible. You probably don't feel like doing that at all and things that would normally make you feel happy aren't - but you just have to keep at it, eventually your joy will come back.

woodlandlost

Thank you...all great advice. I have been hanging on. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your reply. I am hurting

dandylion

woodlandlost…..of course you are hurting. I think that most everyone on this forum can relate to and remember this kind of pain...with the loss of a significant relationship.
Personally, I can remember the feeling of not even being able to breathe, and feeling like I wanted to vomit....
In the beginning, I cried so much that it lowered the water table on the East Coast of the U.S...…..lol....
I thought that I would never love again, like that....and that love was lost, forever....
Was I ever wrong!! Now, that was many, many years ago.....and, as it turned out...I found the greatest love of my life about 9 months later (by total accident)….and, eventually, he became my wonderful husband.
Looking back....what I felt was unthinkable, excrutiating pain....turned out to be the best thing for me....otherwise, I would have never been free to find my wonderful husband. Now, I am actually grateful that it happened. I would have never...never...never believed this, at the time.
Make no mistake...I went through the same kind of pain that you describe for several months.....and, it gradually subsided....gradually, in fits and starts. At first, I had to crawl from day to day....just doing the best that I could to go on....
But, it got better....6 wks. was better than day one....3 months was better than 6 weeks....6 months was a lot better than 3 months....By one year....my life had begun to change so much that I almost couldn't recognize what my life had been like a year before....

I know that men are often reticent to cry.....but, crying is good....it is Nature's way to help us externalize all of that pain...it can be an important part of the healing process. I fully endorse crying......

Kokoro

Nothing wrong with being a slow learner. I was in a similar position about 6 months ago. When I found out he drank again after a month of having a relapse I felt like my world had gone. I still remember feeling gut wrenchingly sick for what felt like an eternity.

It does get better. Trauma also allows you to grow as a person. This is who she is right now sadly and I.am so sorry this has happened

Hugs. You will get through this I promise xxx

Michsm

That was a great post by dandelion. Each long day gets better. It took me about a year and half to fully recover. You can recover too but you will have to “go through it”. I cried, I stayed in bed, I listened to sad music, I thought I couldn’t live without him (that was the dumbest one) I stopped eating. But I learned so much from that relationship, so much about myself. I am committed to not allowing myself into something like that again. I was bitter and angry for a long time, at him and at myself Now, I cannot even remember the last time I thought about him or talked about him, Hope you are doing ok, just take it day by day.