Is he sober?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Florida
Posts: 23
Is he sober?
My ex is an alcoholic and has mental health issues. We split for good when our daughter was almost 3 and he attempted suicide in our home. Since that time, he has only been permitted supervised visitation with our daughter and has spent very little time with her. He took me back to court 2 years ago to have the parenting plan changed to unsupervised visitation but the court denied his request because he had not made any attempt to get sober and get mental health counseling. A year ago, he entered a 10-month religious-based inpatient rehab program. He completed the program late last year and currently claims to be sober, but he continues to blame me for everything and talk badly about me to our daughter. I don't think he is still sober. He wants me to allow him to have unsupervised visitation and thinks that I will say "OK" and believe that he is a completely changed person. He also has shown me no evidence that he is in any type of maintenance program or is receiving counseling (he moved in with his best friend who still drinks). Because of his past verbal and emotional abuse, we only communicate through an app called Our Family Wizard which is supposed to stop verbal abuse (it doesn't). He is taking me back to court and will have to prove that he is sober in order to get unsupervised visitation. Is completing a program enough for a court? After 9 years, I have no faith in the family court system. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
Hi Elis, have you heard of soberlink? You might want to google it and check it out.
That way he would have to prove he is sober before every visitation, you could even request in court that he pay for it.
Perhaps worth discussing with your lawyer.
That way he would have to prove he is sober before every visitation, you could even request in court that he pay for it.
Perhaps worth discussing with your lawyer.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
I think completing a program is a good first step however, that doesn't guarantee that he will remain sober. I would agree with trailmix on asking for SoberLink, if the judge does grant unsupervised visits. Based on what you have described, I would not agree to unsupervised visits however, it will be on the judge to have a final say in that. Ultimately, it is his job to prove to the judge that he is sober and will stay sober while visiting with your daughter. Just focus on adding protective measures just in case if unsupervised visits are ordered.
I still continue to this day to be on my AXH about his drinking. I am currently supervising visits because he has not displayed stable behavior and he still continues to drink. He also has to provide a clean alcohol test when I ask for it and so far he hasn't. Its a tough situation but us non-alcoholic parents have to do everything we can to protect our children.
I still continue to this day to be on my AXH about his drinking. I am currently supervising visits because he has not displayed stable behavior and he still continues to drink. He also has to provide a clean alcohol test when I ask for it and so far he hasn't. Its a tough situation but us non-alcoholic parents have to do everything we can to protect our children.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Florida
Posts: 23
Thank you. SoberLink is a good idea. I will mention it to my lawyer. You are right, the judge makes the final decision and it is impossible to predict what she will decide. Even if he is granted supervised visits, I will have to convince my daughter that she needs to spend time with him. Right now, she won’t answer his calls and will only see him if her friends are with her.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I am sorry for all the stress you are under! I can only begin to imagine 
Have you been keeping records of his communications? Have you been writing down the times he has spoken ill of you in front of your child? I think these might be helpful when you return to court. And some sort of monitoring while he has custody of your little one sounds like a great idea. There are others on here whose ex-spouses had to record sober on one of those devices x-number of hours prior to a visit, during a visit, and x-number of hours after--if memory serves.
Have you been keeping records of his communications? Have you been writing down the times he has spoken ill of you in front of your child? I think these might be helpful when you return to court. And some sort of monitoring while he has custody of your little one sounds like a great idea. There are others on here whose ex-spouses had to record sober on one of those devices x-number of hours prior to a visit, during a visit, and x-number of hours after--if memory serves.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Most people go to rehab and then pick up again. A friend who manages a rehab said they figure about 10% stay sober. His attitude says he's either drinking or on the way to one......... go with your gut. Tape his conversations to possibly show the court later.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I am sorry you have this to deal with.
Glad you are looking to protect your daughter.
I am mid 50's now but remember very clearly having access visits to drunk father. Him collecting my sibs and myself, he was always late, very drunk, him drunk driving us to his home. Him passed out in his chair all afternoon.
I would not want any other child to go through that.
Glad you are looking to protect your daughter.
I am mid 50's now but remember very clearly having access visits to drunk father. Him collecting my sibs and myself, he was always late, very drunk, him drunk driving us to his home. Him passed out in his chair all afternoon.
I would not want any other child to go through that.
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