Blogs


Notices

Need some advice

Old 03-09-2020, 10:14 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Need some advice

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. Im in need of some advice. I didnít get much sleep last night. Iím not sure if some of you remember my story. My AXH has a gf. Iíve had problems with her regarding her past history of violence. Family history of gang and drug trafficking. For those reasons, I do not allow my children to be around her. Besides that Iím having concerns about her behavior. Iíve spotted her in my neighborhood for the last year. It sometime is 3-4 times a month. She is across the street at my neighborhood park. I know itís a park so itís public. Last year, she was showing up with other lady to pick up some kids (not hers) at my sons catechism class. As my son and I were walking to my car she was stopped waiting there then as we approached she left. I wasnít sure what the intend for that was. I was alarmed. I told my ex. I got no response. I sent her a letter shortly after that in the mail telling her to stay away from my home, kids, kids school. She replied back in the mail ďYou need God in your life. I will pray for you : )Ē She still continued to show up around my home. I went to police they took a report and told me that they couldnít do anything because there is no protection order. Iíve been documenting every time I see her. Yesterday, I was walking out of my house to throw trash in the morning. I turned and looked towards the park. She was stand there looking at me. She was parked directly across the street. I would say 100 feet to 150 feet from my property. She was with other people. It appeared as if they were playing ďbaseball.Ē She doesnít live in my area and she herself lived near a park. I told my ex this we got into an argument. He was defending her. I believe she is watching my home. I am having work done on my home so everytime I walked outside and was there staring at me. I feel so uncomfortable and not safe. I added a doorbell camera last year. I donít know what else to do?
mamabear26 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to mamabear26 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (03-09-2020), Eauchiche (03-10-2020), Mango212 (03-09-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-09-2020, 10:50 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hopeworks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,237
Stalking

It sounds like she is stalking you which in most states is a crime.

i would do two things.

1. Contact a private investigator and for a relatively low cost get a full background to see if she has a history of violence or arrests in any state. If she has beenmentally unstable that will most likely be confidential unless you have a pi do a more expensive investigation by interviewing.

2. Contact your on call prosecutor at the state attorney or district attorneys office and describe behaviors to see if they fit your states legal definition of stalking.

i will add a 3... controversial... I believe in self defense instruction and training including firearms training and concealed weapon permits.

i have been a survivor of my qualifier attacking me 3 months post divorce by splintering my door with a lead pipe. I didnít kill him... I had left my gun at the office... that never happened again after I sent him my target practice silhouettes...

He died in his addiction and I am glad I didnít stand over him in a pool of blood and face my kids with having offed thier crazy dad....

but... I am lucky my being on my knees begging him to let me live was enough to save my life that night...

Hadnt shared that story before...... my crime? I started dating...🙄
Hopeworks is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hopeworks For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (03-09-2020), Eauchiche (03-10-2020), honeypig (03-09-2020), hopeful4 (03-09-2020)
Old 03-09-2020, 11:42 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Document all of this as it happens. Consider putting outdoor cams in place in addition to the doorbell cam. I agree with the controversial #3 above.
HeadEast is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to HeadEast For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (03-13-2020), Eauchiche (03-10-2020), hopeful4 (03-09-2020), Mango212 (03-09-2020)
Old 03-09-2020, 12:26 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
I agree. And keep a taser with you and out when going from the car to the inside of the home if you don't have a garage.

So sorry you are going through this.
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (03-13-2020)
Old 03-09-2020, 01:54 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,586
Yep, I would do all of the above. What about taking photos each time you see her and documenting. I don’t know if that is a good idea or not, but if I had intent to harm or intimidate, I would not want pictures to document my stalking. It might make her back off.

What do others think of this idea?
Hawkeye13 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (03-09-2020), hopeful4 (03-10-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-10-2020, 04:51 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Thank you for all the advice. I appreciate it.

I have a lot of pictures. Everytime she is near my home parked I take a photo of her truck and of her. Iím pretty sure she sees me standing outside of my home taking pictures but I donít believe she cares. I am gonna call my alarm company to see if I can get an additional camera on the outside of my house. I am also having work done on my fence, replacing wood for block fencing. I send an email to myself everytime she comes around such date, time, and pictures attached. I am going to look up my states laws about this to see if I have enough to file for a restraining order. I do carry pepper spray with me and I have a taser in my car. I stress every week about this. I donít understand what type of a woman especially a mother does this.
mamabear26 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to mamabear26 For This Useful Post:
Eauchiche (03-10-2020), hopeful4 (03-10-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-10-2020, 05:11 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Life is good
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Attempting to understand illogical, ill behaviors is a misdirection of energy. Being tied up in the sick behaviors, mentally and physically, is often exactly the result the abuser is enjoying.

My abuse recovery centers have helped immensely. So has Al-Anon. (((hugs)))

You don't deserve this abuse and these threatening behaviors.
Mango212 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Mango212 For This Useful Post:
dandylion (03-10-2020), FallenAngelina (03-11-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-10-2020, 05:16 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Life is good
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
She would do these things in order to hurt you.

Accepting this allows moving ahead. Looking for healthy support networks can be life-changing.
Mango212 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Mango212 For This Useful Post:
dandylion (03-10-2020), FallenAngelina (03-11-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-10-2020, 06:46 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
She would do these things in order to hurt you.

Accepting this allows moving ahead. Looking for healthy support networks can be life-changing.
Thank you for putting that into perspective for me Mango. I try to give a person the benefit of the doubt sometimes or try to understand where they are coming from. But as you stated it is a waste of my energy.
mamabear26 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to mamabear26 For This Useful Post:
dandylion (03-10-2020), FallenAngelina (03-11-2020), hopeful4 (03-11-2020), Mango212 (03-11-2020), trailmix (03-10-2020)
Old 03-11-2020, 09:10 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Life is good
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Mango212 is offline  
Old 03-11-2020, 09:37 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Life is good
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
When I have allowed an opening to seeing unhealthy relationships, or unhealthy behaviors in otherwise good relationships, I'm learning to pause, step back, connect with people in my recovery support networks and allow God room to transform my life.
Mango212 is offline  
Old 04-19-2020, 11:48 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Living in the moment
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 136
mamabear, how are you doing?
nikegoddess112 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to nikegoddess112 For This Useful Post:
trailmix (04-19-2020)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:45 AM.