Chanelskie

My alcoholic ex and I been on break for few + months now. As I am recovering & moving on, I always wonder on the things and have questions that I went through (while I lived with him) for a year was there more than just alcohol.

For instance, I came home one day and I found my ex drunk. I found out he sold his new apple laptop ( he had for maybe a year) for $400 and he posted on sale section on FB for $700. I asked him why he sold his laptop at the last minute (like out of the blue) and why he didn't tell me he was going to sell it and why did he sell it for so cheap when he could have gotten a lot more $ for it. The second I asked, he got so mad and told me to leave him alone and its none of my business. I was not liking this side of him . It was a big argument. I let him sleep it off as he was drunk. I asked the next day and he just avoided it and didn't want to talk about it. He mentioned he sold it cuz he need money for his sister to come pick him up before he was moving back home. This is the time he lost his new job that lasted 6 months (i believe he got fired cuz he refuse to go in a lot of days). He said he quit his job but I didn't believe.

Anyways, he did mention that he's done drugs before back when he lived in Vegas and San Francisco before we got together. He said it was only coke to help sober up his drinking. He said he was only clean for 8-9 months of not doing drugs. I personally never seen him do drugs. But I thought of drugs and alcohol when he sold his laptop out of the blue & idk what he did with the money either.

He also did take money from my drawer and he never paid back and I'm sure it was spent on alcohol. He did ask to borrow money at times but I do feel like he stole some at the same time. Lets just say he overs me over $3000 including back rent he never paid. When I ask to pay me back, he got so upset & created lies that he doesn't owe me anything and
I never seen this side where he got mean and lie like that. After that I told him I forgave him for the debt because he'll never pay me back.

My questions are : was it the alcoholism or drugs that drove him to sell his laptop (that he needed on a daily basis) out of the blue to buy more alcohol or drugs?

I have no idea which one could be true but my friends and family think it was both. They find it odd that he sold it as such a cheap price and was desperate for the money.
I even told the ex I would have boughten that laptop for that price and gave it back to him if he needed the money so bad. He got so mad over that.
It honestly was so sad to see this. And a month later he admits he needed his laptop after-all.

I would like advice, opinions on this what anyone thinks of this. I appreciate the help I can. I'm sure someone has been in similar situation.

HeadEast

That's a hard question to answer because it's hard to say over what time frame the money was spent. It's easy to spend $400 over a month's time on alcohol. However, if he spent $400 in a short time, it's probably on drugs.

If he let his laptop go for a lot less than it was worth, I can't help but wonder if it was to buy drugs. It's just too easy to get a little money for cheap alcohol.

Gingerpeach

I'm glad to read that you are moving on.
It's easy to dwell and think on every detail of a past relationship. We want to label everything. Whether he sold his laptop for alcohol or drugs it seems you believe it was for a substance. You didn't like his behavior towards you while he was using that substance. Remember how badly he treated you, write it down on a list, get that list out and remind yourself when you are feeling weak. I wrote mine in a journal but some people choose to carry theirs with them. It helped me to keep moving forward

velma929

What difference does it make? He can't hold a job. He doesn't pay you his share of the rent. He can't discuss ordinary things like the household budget without getting into a fight.

If he's an alcoholic or drug addict (makes no difference, alcohol IS a drug, just a legal one)...

or his family didn't instill any moral code in him to pay his own way and treat others nicely...

or he was raised by wild wolves...

what's the difference?

This is what I learned from loving an alcoholic: One accepts the person as he/she is, and makes decisions about one's one life accordingly. And accepting the A as he is is a life lesson: We can't change our bosses, or our colleagues, or that surly teller at the bank. We have limited power, most of us, to change the particular circumstances at our jobs. We can't change a dishonest business person into an honest one.

We CAN minimize our contact with a toxic boss or colleagues, or (gasp) take it upon ourselves to look for another job where we'd be treated better. (We may discover, in our search, that we don't have it so very bad where we are, too!) We CAN move our banking to another branch or another bank, where the employees are more friendly. It's a huge hassle, but we CAN. We CAN refuse to do business again with someone who cheated us the last time.

Engaging in magical thinking (the "if only he didn't drink/drug everything would be fine" game) will not change anything.

FallenAngelina

There is always more than just alcohol. Always.

trailmix

You know, it's pretty hard to say, although the answers that have been posted are pretty accurate.

It depends on the time span. Could be for other drugs, could be to pay someone back, maybe he has a gambling problem, it's hard to say, you just don't know and he certainly wasn't going to confess.

I mean he stole money from you but there is nothing to say he hadn't been borrowing money from others.

For alcohol only, that seems very unlikely.

Alcohol is hard to hide, other drugs are not hard to hide (consuming them). He had been drinking and drugging before he met you (according to him) do you have any reason to think he wouldn't do that again?

FallenAngelina

I don't mean to imply that there are always more drugs involved. There's always more involved than "just alcohol." Trying to tease out the hornet's nest of whys surrounding someone's addiction is a downward spiral. And even when we get some answers, there we sit, having spiraled down. My experience is that asking "Why would he do that?" trying to get to the bottom of things just leads to a place that has no bottom.