Not sure if I should tell someone
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Not sure if I should tell someone
My EXABF is a healthcare professional. I ended our relationship because along with daily alcohol use he was using marijuana (which is illegal in this state) he'd lied and said he'd quit. I also learned about many other drugs that he used in the past as well as the time he'd been dealing in college to support his habit. He was so hooked on marijuana he had one of those bags of fake pee people can use to trick a drug test strapped to his leg for a year while at his previous job (current boss participates in after hours pot use). I blamed the drug for his self absorbtion. I gave a lot of thought to which came first the drugs or the narcissistic tendencies and ultimately decided it didn't matter.
I live in a big city with a small town feel. I've heard from several people, some know I dated him some don't, negative things about him as a practitioner (bad bedside manner, rude, narcissistic, quality of care not as good as the clinic owner). I have not started these conversations and have mostly dwelled on their statements and moved on. But I was talking to my massage therapist and mentioned regular massages seem to be working better than adjustments did for me in the past. And she brought up that an acquaintance of hers told her she is never going back to the clinic because EXABF is always high at work. That he is "shrooming" while working on patients. This could be false he never used to adjust me after work because he'd always had a drink before I got there but it is believable that his addictions have progressed. I feel like I should tell someone but it is just a rumour. He could injure or kill someone if he's working on patients while high! According to him he'd done something bad at his last job that he wouldn't tell me about but his boss knew about before hiring him. His boss is his friend, pot smoking buddy, and landlord. I'm contemplating sending a message to his boss's wife as a heads up that this rumour is out there and may or may not be true. I went on a couples vacation with them and got to know her (she knows about the after hours pot use it was happening in her basement). Even if she doesn't care about drugs after work, during should be a problem and they could be liable because it is her husband's clinic.
I'm worried about my feelings of guilt if this is true and I don't say anything and he injures someone. The last couple days all I keep thinking is should I send the message or just back off and let things play out how they will?
I live in a big city with a small town feel. I've heard from several people, some know I dated him some don't, negative things about him as a practitioner (bad bedside manner, rude, narcissistic, quality of care not as good as the clinic owner). I have not started these conversations and have mostly dwelled on their statements and moved on. But I was talking to my massage therapist and mentioned regular massages seem to be working better than adjustments did for me in the past. And she brought up that an acquaintance of hers told her she is never going back to the clinic because EXABF is always high at work. That he is "shrooming" while working on patients. This could be false he never used to adjust me after work because he'd always had a drink before I got there but it is believable that his addictions have progressed. I feel like I should tell someone but it is just a rumour. He could injure or kill someone if he's working on patients while high! According to him he'd done something bad at his last job that he wouldn't tell me about but his boss knew about before hiring him. His boss is his friend, pot smoking buddy, and landlord. I'm contemplating sending a message to his boss's wife as a heads up that this rumour is out there and may or may not be true. I went on a couples vacation with them and got to know her (she knows about the after hours pot use it was happening in her basement). Even if she doesn't care about drugs after work, during should be a problem and they could be liable because it is her husband's clinic.
I'm worried about my feelings of guilt if this is true and I don't say anything and he injures someone. The last couple days all I keep thinking is should I send the message or just back off and let things play out how they will?
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Location: maine
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His current patients have the option of reporting him to the relevant licensing boards. A patient commenting on the *experience* of being treated by a doctor high or drunk would be of much more interest than a former girlfriend tattling on him. You can, if you want to, but his patients should - especially if they've vowed not to go back.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I would also stay out of it because at this point it is just second hand gossip.
Based on what you know, it may well be true, but passing that along to the wife of the owner/boss would just be third hand gossip in reality.
It is just a matter of time before someone reports him if it's true.
Based on what you know, it may well be true, but passing that along to the wife of the owner/boss would just be third hand gossip in reality.
It is just a matter of time before someone reports him if it's true.
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And she brought up that an acquaintance of hers told her she is never going back to the clinic because EXABF is always high at work. That he is "shrooming" while working on patients.
ok first, how would the acquaintance have accurately known that he was on mushrooms? it's not like you glow green or anything. and if this acquaintance had concerns, why didn't THEY report it?
second, telling the wife of the clinic owner in no way resolves the problem, if one truly exists. right now you have heresay, two degrees removed. a person told a person who told you. not one single fact. only rumor. even if based on truth, the only reports that would matter would be affected patients.
you already knew he had drug/alcohol problems. you were also a patient of his. and you never felt compelled to report.
he is your ex. stay out of it. you are under no obligation to manage his problems. time to back up and also ask to not hear further 'chatter" about his antics.
ok first, how would the acquaintance have accurately known that he was on mushrooms? it's not like you glow green or anything. and if this acquaintance had concerns, why didn't THEY report it?
second, telling the wife of the clinic owner in no way resolves the problem, if one truly exists. right now you have heresay, two degrees removed. a person told a person who told you. not one single fact. only rumor. even if based on truth, the only reports that would matter would be affected patients.
you already knew he had drug/alcohol problems. you were also a patient of his. and you never felt compelled to report.
he is your ex. stay out of it. you are under no obligation to manage his problems. time to back up and also ask to not hear further 'chatter" about his antics.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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You are all right about staying on my side of the street. And I have done so while ex patients mentioned his bad bedside manner or skill.
I was a patient when we first met. But to my knowledge he was never intoxicated during office hours. Which is why I said this was a rumour and may not be fact. I don't know the other person and never spoke to her and I'm assuming he isn't glowing green but people in drugs
I was a patient when we first met. But to my knowledge he was never intoxicated during office hours. Which is why I said this was a rumour and may not be fact. I don't know the other person and never spoke to her and I'm assuming he isn't glowing green but people in drugs
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
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Another vote for staying out of it. I think I'd call BS on the bag of urine strapped to his leg. The urine specimen cups have a temperature reading strip attached to the collection cup, and have had for a long time. Urine attached to his leg would be way too cold. The clinic will have liability insurance. Like I said, stay out of it and it sounds like it's good you are an EX.
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Location: Western US
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Kudos to you for getting away from this guy . . . . most of us are experiential learners so kind of have to figure it out as we go . . . .your ExA's employers and patients have to figure it out too.
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My initial freak out was influenced by the fact the the DC that owned the business prior had believed he'd directly but accidentally contributed to a patient's death. People don't realize adjustments can be dangerous. He committed suicide and that was how the clinic was purchased by the current owner. I remember the previous owner being a kind thorough man (I'd been his patient). We all do have to learn our own lessons. I was future tripping and what ifing. Like what if the rumor is true and what if he contributes to someone's death or injury-how would I feel if I said nothing. That was putting too much of the onus on me. If that rumor is out there then they are just as likely to hear it. I guess all I really can and should do is turn it over to my higher power and pray that doesn't happen.
Thanks to those that gave a softer touch response. After years of controlling abuse from my EXAH and FOO I don't respond well to more assertive confrontational methods. My immediate internal response after some of the posts was to want to send a message even more, like "you cant control me". So clearly there is more work to be done inside me.
Thanks to those that gave a softer touch response. After years of controlling abuse from my EXAH and FOO I don't respond well to more assertive confrontational methods. My immediate internal response after some of the posts was to want to send a message even more, like "you cant control me". So clearly there is more work to be done inside me.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Head East,
i don't know personally that those test fake out devices work but do a quick search of the internet and there are a ton of options and reviews. Some of them even look like genitals to try and fool observed testing!🙄
My EXAH was a drunk but he didn't get into pot (that I know of) until I was gone. This shorter relationship with EXABF was a new eye opening experience of how naive i still am about addiction and how good they are at hiding and lying -for a time.
i don't know personally that those test fake out devices work but do a quick search of the internet and there are a ton of options and reviews. Some of them even look like genitals to try and fool observed testing!🙄
My EXAH was a drunk but he didn't get into pot (that I know of) until I was gone. This shorter relationship with EXABF was a new eye opening experience of how naive i still am about addiction and how good they are at hiding and lying -for a time.
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