Reflecting on the journey
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 223
Reflecting on the journey
I looked back at my posts and I first posted about 3 years ago. I was much more clueless than I am now and had a husband with a drinking problem.
I thought this group was negative. Felt like doom and gloom. I know there are some good cases discussed, but all I read about was the progression and the issues.
However everything that you guys have said would happen is happening. We are divorced now over 1.5 years and the child custody battles remain.
1. His drinking has gotten worse, much worse
2. His parents now see the issues and they didn’t before
3. His new girlfriend is having the same issues I had
4. He isn’t treating his new baby any better than my kids
5. I am happier now and more at peace
All of the things that made me sad or concerned throughout have played out.
At this point, I think my sub concious is trying to emotionally prep me for him to die. His binges/benders are so bad. The decisions he makes are terrible. He goes missing for a day+ apparently. The moments of clarity with him I feel like I used to experience seem less. I keep hoping he lands in jail but his lucky self seems to avoid it.
What is Gods plan? I wish I knew because this is agony. I’m scared for my kids.
I thought this group was negative. Felt like doom and gloom. I know there are some good cases discussed, but all I read about was the progression and the issues.
However everything that you guys have said would happen is happening. We are divorced now over 1.5 years and the child custody battles remain.
1. His drinking has gotten worse, much worse
2. His parents now see the issues and they didn’t before
3. His new girlfriend is having the same issues I had
4. He isn’t treating his new baby any better than my kids
5. I am happier now and more at peace
All of the things that made me sad or concerned throughout have played out.
At this point, I think my sub concious is trying to emotionally prep me for him to die. His binges/benders are so bad. The decisions he makes are terrible. He goes missing for a day+ apparently. The moments of clarity with him I feel like I used to experience seem less. I keep hoping he lands in jail but his lucky self seems to avoid it.
What is Gods plan? I wish I knew because this is agony. I’m scared for my kids.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm so sorry that your ex continues on his self-destructive path. I can only imagine how frightening that is to think about for your children!
I don't know God's plan--none of us do. But I know God loves your ex-husband. It's just that we have free-will. And your husband is using his will to make self destructive choices that hurt others as well.
You, and others in his life, can continue to encourage him to seek recovery when those opportunities arise if you feel that is something you can do. I'm sure you have already had plenty of those conversations with him.
And you can continue to pray. You, your children, and your ex will all be in my prayers.
I don't know God's plan--none of us do. But I know God loves your ex-husband. It's just that we have free-will. And your husband is using his will to make self destructive choices that hurt others as well.
You, and others in his life, can continue to encourage him to seek recovery when those opportunities arise if you feel that is something you can do. I'm sure you have already had plenty of those conversations with him.
And you can continue to pray. You, your children, and your ex will all be in my prayers.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
batchel, I am sorry things continue to spiral out of control for the father of your children.
BUT, I am glad to see that despite your misgivings about his choices, you have moved forward into a happier more peaceful life. There is a quiet strength and calming wisdom we gain once we remove ourselves from the chaos. I'm glad you made that choice.
My AXH also continues on his path of destruction. The never ending cycle of "quitting", broken promises, drinking, lying , blaming and manipulating. At least I am no longer in the thick of it. I have heard my 26 yr old daughter tell me she "doesn't want to lose her Dad". She knows none of that is with in her control but it's still terrible thing for a young woman to be concerned about. Heartbreaking stuff. Baffling disease to say the least.
Thank you for updating us on how things are going. It always warms my heart to know that people have made positive steps in building themselves a healthier life, whatever that means to them.
BUT, I am glad to see that despite your misgivings about his choices, you have moved forward into a happier more peaceful life. There is a quiet strength and calming wisdom we gain once we remove ourselves from the chaos. I'm glad you made that choice.
My AXH also continues on his path of destruction. The never ending cycle of "quitting", broken promises, drinking, lying , blaming and manipulating. At least I am no longer in the thick of it. I have heard my 26 yr old daughter tell me she "doesn't want to lose her Dad". She knows none of that is with in her control but it's still terrible thing for a young woman to be concerned about. Heartbreaking stuff. Baffling disease to say the least.
Thank you for updating us on how things are going. It always warms my heart to know that people have made positive steps in building themselves a healthier life, whatever that means to them.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,002
Hi Batchel, so good to hear from you and so glad you are doing okay. Also I'm sad to hear that you Ex is degenerating. I never want this to happen; it is too damn common.
I thought this group was negative. Felt like doom and gloom. I know there are some good cases discussed, but all I read about was the progression and the issues.
Sigh . . .ugh . . .what you said here struck me. I try to be kind to newcomers as it is so tough realizing the horrific nature of alcoholism and addiction. We can offer support but we can't really change the ugly reality of it.
Thanks for being one of us Batchel in the fight to salvage as much as possible from the wreckage of alcoholism.
As I watched my Ex spiral, I kind of lost the ability to pray. I didn't know what to say. Finally I just prayed, "God bring him whatever will benefit him." . . . . .apparently God's idea of "benefit" is very different from mine
Originally Posted by batchel9 
I thought this group was negative. Felt like doom and gloom. I know there are some good cases discussed, but all I read about was the progression and the issues.
Thanks for being one of us Batchel in the fight to salvage as much as possible from the wreckage of alcoholism.
As I watched my Ex spiral, I kind of lost the ability to pray. I didn't know what to say. Finally I just prayed, "God bring him whatever will benefit him." . . . . .apparently God's idea of "benefit" is very different from mine
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Batchel,
Our addicts are no special snow flakes, they eventually end up sober or dead. Yes, this place is brutally honest, sometimes to a fault. Sometimes we come here not ready to hear what the veterans have to say, as we know everything. I was told on this forum, sometimes we need to close our mouths and just open our ears and eyes and just listen.
Its a horrific life that they live. Glad you are no longer a front row witness to his self destruction. How are you doing, getting any support for you and your kids? Keep strong, work your program and you will be able to survive what ever comes to you and your kids.
Hugs!
Our addicts are no special snow flakes, they eventually end up sober or dead. Yes, this place is brutally honest, sometimes to a fault. Sometimes we come here not ready to hear what the veterans have to say, as we know everything. I was told on this forum, sometimes we need to close our mouths and just open our ears and eyes and just listen.
Its a horrific life that they live. Glad you are no longer a front row witness to his self destruction. How are you doing, getting any support for you and your kids? Keep strong, work your program and you will be able to survive what ever comes to you and your kids.
Hugs!
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