oddsunflower

Step 1- I admit that I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.

oddsunflower

My apologies for the deleted post. In it's place is everything I should have said to myself before I typed it out.
"No." is a complete sentence.

FallenAngelina

Are you in a program working the steps or are you trying to understand this on your own? It's the gateway to recovery and holds so very much. People work for years in groups and with sponsors on understanding this step and taking it to heart.

For me, it has meant: "You mean, I really don't know what's best for him??" For me, it means accepting that there is so very much more to another person's life, even someone I'm close to, than I will ever know. I don't know everything that goes on inside of him and I don't have any control over his choices and feelings. It's a humbling step, yet incredibly empowering. For me, it's the doorway to moving beyond codependent thinking and learning to live in freedom, confidence and peace of mind.

oddsunflower

To be honest, I have been sort of working the parts of the program that I know about on my own. Meetings are extremely difficult for me to get to. I live in a rural area and do not have reliable transportation or a sitter to watch my disabled son that doesn't cost me a small fortune. I find that when I am really stuck in my own recovery from the narcissistic abuse and his alcoholism that this is the one step that I have to go back to all the time. I need the reminder that I have no power over this disease and that I need to have the courage to change the things that I CAN (like my own behaviors and self-care) and not put my energy into something I cannot change.
Mostly, I come here and read and read and read. I don't always comment and sometimes I read posts that are so old that if I did comment on them the OP is probably not even here anymore. I find hope here. I can chin up and carry on.

FallenAngelina

Wonderful that you are working on your own and doing what you can. I have a teenage son with significant autism and can relate to the issue of needing help that other parents grow past. While the steps are a beautiful framework, they really are meant to be worked in community and with a sponsor. Digging into ourselves can be rough going and many times we cannot see in ourselves but can hear it in others. Any way that you can involve other people is going to serve your efforts to work the steps.

AlAnon has phone meetings in which you can participate or simply listen along.

Mango212

Praying for the right sponsors in right timing can really accelerate healing.

The distance can be overcome in many ways, and all it takes is something "beyond me" to do that. ((((hugs))))

I'm glad you're here. I'm on Step 1 again with a new sponsor.

oddsunflower

Thank you! I am glad to be here and working hard on that "beyond me" part where I still feel like no one else will hear/understand what I am saying. One day at time though.

oddsunflower

I love the way you put this "needing help that other parents grow past

What a beautiful way to honor the struggles our kids have without belittling them. I will be using this phrase from now on. Thank you!

I am going to try a phone meeting today. Just take a listen and see how it goes. I have attended open AA meetings (there is an Alano Club very near to my home) and so I do understand the community aspect of the program. I will keep working the steps inside myself until I can find a place to land this tired soul.

Derringer

Examine how much time you put into trying to talk to your A about the drinking ..... did it get you anywhere ? Have you managed to put a cessation to it with words or actions ?

Probably not right ? So there is the powerlessness.

Life is unmanageable .... Do you feel like you are in control of your emotions, thoughts and actions ?

Or do you spend way too much time thinking about how to fix your A. ? And end up sad, hurt, angry, heartbroken, in despair.

Life is those things, thoughts, the emotions attached to those thoughts and the actions we take according to same.

Are you managing those things well and healthily ?

Or are they rag dolling you around and making life hard ?

AnvilheadII

I will keep working the steps inside myself until I can find a place to land this tired soul.

The 12 steps are an interactive process. We write out our responses to each step IN ORDER in a thorough, contemplative manner. There is a 12 step study section in this forum that goes thru each step in detail. This would be an excellent starting point - you do not HAVE to post a reply as part of your step work, this could be captured in a Word doc or handwritten in a notebook.

The only step where another person is actually "required" is Step Five. Altho one can benefit greatly from F2F meetings, step study meetings and working with a sponsor who has been thru ALL the steps at least once. but there is no reason you can't start your step work today!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post2693866 (Intro Step 1)

oddsunflower

THANK YOU for this!!!! I am off to dive into the forum!