New Username but not new.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 7
New Username but not new.
Hi Folks
I was here since 2009 but I can't remember my old username or how to log on so I made a new account. My last posts on here were not great. I was feeling very down and conflicted with how life was going. I was still letting exah affect me.
I am pleased to say that things are much better now. 6 years post divorce from AXH and life is great. I 've been travelling a lot. I've taken up old hobbies I put down many years ago and I am a volunteer in my community. My two youngest boys still live with me. They are happy. It hasn't been easy for them and they both had a lot of issues to work through to get to the point they are at. One is still in therapy. The legacy of life with an alcoholic dad. It's my biggest regret I stayed with him so long but life happened and I can't change that now. One is at college and my other, disabled, son is doing courses online.
I have some good friends now and on my birthday 10 of us went out for a meal together. It was a good night and a perfect birthday. So different to my others. I get feelings of pure happiness now. I never knew what that felt like for years.
I am still single and very happy that way. I kind of decided a year or so ago that getting into with anyone was never happening. I am way too independent now. However that theory might be about to be blown out of the water cos I met a man last year through friends who is a widow and his smile actually melted my heart. How sappy am I eh? He thought I was married to someone else and only found out Tuesday that I am not, so watch this space.....
Kids wise 3 of my daughters still do not speak to me. Exah has never changed lol. He sees the boys when it suits them and I don't have anything to do with that side of things now. They see him when I am working or not actually in the same country. Suits me fine.
I've been looking through the threads. A few familar faces jumped out at me but many newcomers too. I'll try to get round to answering a few soon but am off out on the night shift soon.
I was here since 2009 but I can't remember my old username or how to log on so I made a new account. My last posts on here were not great. I was feeling very down and conflicted with how life was going. I was still letting exah affect me.
I am pleased to say that things are much better now. 6 years post divorce from AXH and life is great. I 've been travelling a lot. I've taken up old hobbies I put down many years ago and I am a volunteer in my community. My two youngest boys still live with me. They are happy. It hasn't been easy for them and they both had a lot of issues to work through to get to the point they are at. One is still in therapy. The legacy of life with an alcoholic dad. It's my biggest regret I stayed with him so long but life happened and I can't change that now. One is at college and my other, disabled, son is doing courses online.
I have some good friends now and on my birthday 10 of us went out for a meal together. It was a good night and a perfect birthday. So different to my others. I get feelings of pure happiness now. I never knew what that felt like for years.
I am still single and very happy that way. I kind of decided a year or so ago that getting into with anyone was never happening. I am way too independent now. However that theory might be about to be blown out of the water cos I met a man last year through friends who is a widow and his smile actually melted my heart. How sappy am I eh? He thought I was married to someone else and only found out Tuesday that I am not, so watch this space.....
Kids wise 3 of my daughters still do not speak to me. Exah has never changed lol. He sees the boys when it suits them and I don't have anything to do with that side of things now. They see him when I am working or not actually in the same country. Suits me fine.
I've been looking through the threads. A few familar faces jumped out at me but many newcomers too. I'll try to get round to answering a few soon but am off out on the night shift soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Welcome back! Glad to hear everything seems to be going so well for you.
I am pretty sure I remember who you are, ( I wont say the name in case you don't want it "out there" ) ... I very much appreciate the update! I love hearing the uplifting success stories from those of us who have come out the other side of the chaos.
I am pretty sure I remember who you are, ( I wont say the name in case you don't want it "out there" ) ... I very much appreciate the update! I love hearing the uplifting success stories from those of us who have come out the other side of the chaos.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Thanks for the replies and birthday wishes 
I remember you all I hope newcomers get some encouragement from my story. It wasn't easy and I thought I was irreversably broken after 18 years with exah but it turns out I wasn't.
I did many things wrong. I umm and awwed over divorcing exah since our wedding day when I found him the day after drunk out his skull at 10 am in the morning. This continued every.single. day and was. who he is. I compounded that by having twins with him. It went on and on. Always and excuse to stay until he had bled me dry mentally, physically and financially. Then I left and the real work began. I was old in my view by then...53. Who'd ever want me now. Well I did. I owed it to me to love myself.
I self isolated for years, fell into my old ways of thinking at times and attracted the wrong sort of men, all I managed to side step. I stayed single and focussed on myself and my kids and building a life on my own. It wasn't easy being single but anyone who thinks the can get into another relationship 6 months/a year/even much longer for most of us post AH or AW is kidding themselves. It's just a band aid. It takes time to break old habits, make your kids feel safe again and know who you are and what you want. It's a one step forward two steps back dance for a long time. However you will get there. I got amazing support from this forum and now 6 years on I feel like the person I used to be pre exah but much wiser lol. There is life after an alcoholic spouse or partner.
I am no longer attracted/addicted to drama and that bad boy type that sucked me in time and time again. I've met a man now whose idea of bad boy lol is going horse riding along the beach and then for a good meal with a cup of coffee and do you know what I find that attractive now. So thank you to each and everyone of you that helped me on this journey.
I remember you all I hope newcomers get some encouragement from my story. It wasn't easy and I thought I was irreversably broken after 18 years with exah but it turns out I wasn't.I did many things wrong. I umm and awwed over divorcing exah since our wedding day when I found him the day after drunk out his skull at 10 am in the morning. This continued every.single. day and was. who he is. I compounded that by having twins with him. It went on and on. Always and excuse to stay until he had bled me dry mentally, physically and financially. Then I left and the real work began. I was old in my view by then...53. Who'd ever want me now. Well I did. I owed it to me to love myself.
I self isolated for years, fell into my old ways of thinking at times and attracted the wrong sort of men, all I managed to side step. I stayed single and focussed on myself and my kids and building a life on my own. It wasn't easy being single but anyone who thinks the can get into another relationship 6 months/a year/even much longer for most of us post AH or AW is kidding themselves. It's just a band aid. It takes time to break old habits, make your kids feel safe again and know who you are and what you want. It's a one step forward two steps back dance for a long time. However you will get there. I got amazing support from this forum and now 6 years on I feel like the person I used to be pre exah but much wiser lol. There is life after an alcoholic spouse or partner.
I am no longer attracted/addicted to drama and that bad boy type that sucked me in time and time again. I've met a man now whose idea of bad boy lol is going horse riding along the beach and then for a good meal with a cup of coffee and do you know what I find that attractive now. So thank you to each and everyone of you that helped me on this journey.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by charlie123 
I've met a man now whose idea of bad boy lol is going horse riding along the beach and then for a good meal with a cup of coffee and do you know what I find that attractive now. So thank you to each and everyone of you that helped me on this journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Thanks for coming back to share. I don't know your story, but it's good to be reminded of what I could become again.
You can do it. I did and believe me I am not a poster child for a good example of how to live your life. I served more as a horrible warning. It's hard but it's worth it.
You can do it. I did and believe me I am not a poster child for a good example of how to live your life. I served more as a horrible warning. It's hard but it's worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Decided the new man wasn't a good idea. I had coronavirus while in Europe and his only concern was I might be getting it on with the others in quarantine with me. Seriously!! He was all over me far too quickly in my book then he actually dumped me on text while I was ill. Who does that? After I was no longer infectious I flew home on one of the last flights out.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by charlie123
Decided the new man wasn't a good idea. I had coronavirus while in Europe and his only concern was I might be getting it on with the others in quarantine with me. Seriously!! He was all over me far too quickly in my book then he actually dumped me on text while I was ill. Who does that? After I was no longer infectious I flew home on one of the last flights out.
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