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Meadow123 01-29-2020 06:27 PM

Recurring stress from past abuse
 
Hello,
I was on here last year as my boyfriend at the time was verbally abusive. We broke up and I have stayed away and out of contact. He tries to contact me but I do not respond. He sends nice messages and ugly ones... I guess it depends if he is drinking.
Ayways I was doing do well with my life but lately it has come back and haunted me. I feel anxious, scared and hopeless for no reason. My 16 year old son is challenging me at times but I know deep inside it's really not that bad with him. I just don't know where this is coming from and I am thinking it's like PTSD from the abuse or something like that. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so please share. I feel like I wont survive at times. My stomach is constantly turning and I am scared.

FeelingGreat 01-29-2020 06:41 PM

Hi meadow, I certainly experienced this with a bad breakup, only I wasn't getting messages from him. That can't be helpful. Can I suggest the first thing you need to do is block him so you don't get these regular reminders of his presence? I actually moved to another town, and it was necessary to get him out of my mind.

I still had what I called 'scripts' running through my head constantly, and when that bothered me enough I went to a psychologist. It only took 3 visits. He did a treatment that's used for PTSD that's quite widespread now. If you can afford to go, this will probably help, along with just talking it out.

Maybe a good start would be your doctor, to get a referral. Don't forget to block EXAH though.

Meadow123 01-29-2020 08:22 PM

Thank you... so I guess this is somewhat normal for a not so normal situation. I will make an appt. with my Dr. and there is a councellor I like who I should see again. I have blocked his number but unfortunately it goes to voice mail. It won't ring just sends him to voicemail. I usually delete before I listen but sometimes I don't then I start to believe I really am a loser and a ****. I wish my phone would block entirely. I guess I could change my number but I run a business and it would be so difficult. I know deep down it's not me... I think he projects what he hates about himself onto me.... when I feel weak is when I doubt myself. When I fight with my teenage son I get very weak. My EXABF has done some damage to me and I need to undo it. If I get one more message I will go to the police. I have some of the crap he sent me saved for this purpose. I cannot let him control me.

Gingerpeach 01-29-2020 09:04 PM

Meadow,
Yes, PTSD can definitely happen to people that were in abusive relationships. I had panic attacks for 5 years after my divorce whenever someone suggested dating and was anxious anytime I had to go to a couple places I knew he used to frequent.
I would call your situation continued verbal abuse since you are still experiencing it. You will not start healing while you are still listening to him on voicemail or in your head.

trailmix 01-30-2020 09:04 AM

Is that the best your phone company has to offer, having his calls go to voice mail?

I would give them a call and see if they have any solutions for blocking him properly.

I don't know about PTSD but stress you do have! Every time you see that vm light flashing or hear that sound, you are getting a jolt of adrenaline? Or you are hardened to that now and just get a feeling of blah, I have to deal with this again. Whatever you're feeling it's not positive and that's not good for you!

I know this feeling, it sucks. This intermediate contact from him is allowing your stress about it to linger and be reinforced, there is nothing good about that. I hope you will call your phone provider and inquire about better blocking and barring that is there any way you can change your number? Yes, horribly inconvenient but so worth it for your peace of mind.

If you are going to go to the police is he threatening you in some way. I'm sorry I've forgotten if you mentioned it. Also, have you been clear in saying don't contact me. I'm just thinking, if all else fails, you may have grounds for a restraining order.

Seren 01-31-2020 02:51 AM

Dear Meadow,

The only relationship I had that can compare is the one I had with my ex-husband. He had an affair, moved out, and began divorce proceedings. He became verbally abusive right before and after he moved out. I had no idea yet about the affair partner he had. Even once I did, he was still verbally abusive after I decided I did not want to be married to him any longer.

I jumped at time the phone rang. I dreaded opening my e-mail at work because that is where he would try to reach me, too. I was scared all the time. That is when I started counseling--and it really, really helped. A lot! I can't recommend it enough and hope that you might consider it.

I was tired of living in fear...it sounds like you are, too.

Please take good care of yourself!! You deserve peace and joy!


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