Originally Posted by FallenAngelina

If anyone understands missing our loved one, it's people who have or do love an alcoholic, so you'll find plenty of empathy among us here. However, part of a healthy recovery program is learning how to not use people as emotional life rafts when our own ship is full of holes.

I completely understand that you love this man, but it rather seems as though there is a lot more at stake for you than simply missing him. Whenever we feel as though our life and all happiness depends on another, this is always a signal that we have made that person into something that they can never be - the captain of our ship and the keeper of our emotional well being. A healthy recovery program includes learning about healthy emotional independence within a close relationship. I rather suspect that this issue is erupting in a big way for you right now, a year into your recovery, and that is why you're feeling this overwhelming need for this man. The answer doesn't lie in his return to your nest, nor in his easing your pain of missing him. Whether you ultimately come back together as a couple or not, you need to learn how to be emotionally self sufficient if you want to have a good relationship. Take this time to learn more about sailing your own ship. What you learn now about yourself will serve you no matter what - whether you reunite, whether you eventually couple with someone else, whether you spend some time being single. Going forward in a healthy direction does not involve your husband coming back to ease this emotional pain that you feel right now. That pain is valuable communication from your inner wisdom and that pain is about you, not about him. Listen to it and use it and learn from it as part of your own healthy recovery. Asking your husband to return and do this work for you only detours you on your own recovery venture.

Originally Posted by maia1234

Rose,
How wonderful that you are sober and working a program. Its amazing to look back and see what collateral damage you have done over the years. Fyi - My sisters in laws parents remarried after he got sober and joined AA. He was very involved until the day he died. So he continued to work a program and she recognized it and they remarried, so there is always hope.

What I have to say is continue to work your program. Alcoholics are very demanding and selfish people (by nature) so being aggressive to him is what he expects. If you are working a program, you should be giving back not demanding. They say you can always recognized someone who is working a program, you don't need to tell people, people to get them to notice.

Make a difference, do good and who knows what might happen, its in Gods hands, it is out of your control. Hugs, I hope it works out for you! (Us codies dream of this scenario!!)