Alcoholic ex left me for another woman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1
Alcoholic ex left me for another woman
My bf of almost a year broke up with me for his coworker that he had known about a month prior. He didn't tell me this, I just figured it all out once we broke up. We were struggling the last month due to him having a lot of stresses. I was always there for him. His drinking was still there...he could easily drink 3 40oz beers 5 to 6 nights out of the week. I know he is an alcoholic and he will proudly say he is one. He also drinks harder liquor occasionally but beer almost daily. I noticed he was pushing me away and we got in a huge fight, he left, came back the next day to get all his things. Come to find out he is already living with her....
From his track record he seems to use woman or try to get them to fill his void of unhappiness. The girl before me lasted a month and the one before her lasted about 3 to 4 months. Then we made it almost a year. Then instantly he is gone and I am left like wtf! I went crazy with the calls and texts and emails. The only response I got was at the beginning and he told me he wasn't happy anymore and he could see i wasn't either. ********...we were happy! He wasn't happy with his life but we were good...or so I thought. It wasn't until he started pushing me away that we really started fighting. He had told me when we first started dating that he will not fight in a relationship....red flag!
I miss him. He has blocked me from everywhere. I sent him an email 7 days ago and that's it. I don't know what to believe, if alcohol has to do with it. He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with. He really is a dead beat when I read that aloud as I type. I just am hurt that this happened. I really never thought this would happen ,
The girl he is with is 12 years younger, has 2 young children. I just don't see how this makes sense...he isn't a fan of little kids....I mean he is in his 40s and he is already living with her!
From his track record he seems to use woman or try to get them to fill his void of unhappiness. The girl before me lasted a month and the one before her lasted about 3 to 4 months. Then we made it almost a year. Then instantly he is gone and I am left like wtf! I went crazy with the calls and texts and emails. The only response I got was at the beginning and he told me he wasn't happy anymore and he could see i wasn't either. ********...we were happy! He wasn't happy with his life but we were good...or so I thought. It wasn't until he started pushing me away that we really started fighting. He had told me when we first started dating that he will not fight in a relationship....red flag!
I miss him. He has blocked me from everywhere. I sent him an email 7 days ago and that's it. I don't know what to believe, if alcohol has to do with it. He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with. He really is a dead beat when I read that aloud as I type. I just am hurt that this happened. I really never thought this would happen ,
The girl he is with is 12 years younger, has 2 young children. I just don't see how this makes sense...he isn't a fan of little kids....I mean he is in his 40s and he is already living with her!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I know it really doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’ve dodged a bullet. This guy is a mess...alcoholism doesn’t excuse someone serially using and discarding partners (and children) like used Kleenex. That’s just jackass behavior.
And yes, putting you on notice that he won’t “fight” was just a way to get you to hide any issues so he could do what he wanted without being accountable to anyone.
The new girlfriend is just his latest victim...don’t try to figure out why he did this or anything else...the answer is, “because I can.”
I am very sorry for the pain you’re going through. The best path is through it...unfriend him, block his number, don’t look at his social media, and put his emails in your Spam folder.
Someday you will look back and be glad you walked away from a train wreck. In the meantime, this board is a great place to hang out because we’ve been there, and in my case, more than once.
Be kind to yourself.
And yes, putting you on notice that he won’t “fight” was just a way to get you to hide any issues so he could do what he wanted without being accountable to anyone.
The new girlfriend is just his latest victim...don’t try to figure out why he did this or anything else...the answer is, “because I can.”
I am very sorry for the pain you’re going through. The best path is through it...unfriend him, block his number, don’t look at his social media, and put his emails in your Spam folder.
Someday you will look back and be glad you walked away from a train wreck. In the meantime, this board is a great place to hang out because we’ve been there, and in my case, more than once.
Be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
Hi Hurt11, glad you found the forum but sorry for what brings you here, of course.
You know that little bit you typed at the end of your post:
"He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with. He really is a dead beat when I read that aloud as I type".
That's kind of the truth of it isn't it? He doesn't really sound like an upstanding guy. As you said, this is a pattern for him. I assume he is generally a rather unhappy person, alcoholics aren't normally very happy people.
So he runs to where he thinks he will get his next high, his next acceptance. The first few months of the relationship is a honeymoon period, everyone is on their really nice behaviour, full of the new relationship. That passes and the normal relationship progresses. Sounds like he is just chasing the "easy" part.
I'm going to guess that you didn't find living with an alcoholic easy?
You know that little bit you typed at the end of your post:
"He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with. He really is a dead beat when I read that aloud as I type".
That's kind of the truth of it isn't it? He doesn't really sound like an upstanding guy. As you said, this is a pattern for him. I assume he is generally a rather unhappy person, alcoholics aren't normally very happy people.
So he runs to where he thinks he will get his next high, his next acceptance. The first few months of the relationship is a honeymoon period, everyone is on their really nice behaviour, full of the new relationship. That passes and the normal relationship progresses. Sounds like he is just chasing the "easy" part.
I'm going to guess that you didn't find living with an alcoholic easy?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,546
Sorry for your pain.
It makes me sad that women look at a man with no home, no license, 5 kids he ignores, who drinks the equivalent of ten 12-oz cans of beer a night, and say to themselves, "A boyfriend like that is better than no boyfriend at all."
It makes me sad that women look at a man with no home, no license, 5 kids he ignores, who drinks the equivalent of ten 12-oz cans of beer a night, and say to themselves, "A boyfriend like that is better than no boyfriend at all."
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hurt......sometimes we "fall in love with".....form emotional bonding....with those who are, otherwise, not good for us.....
When those bonds are broken...it is extraordinarily painful....one of the very painful human experiences....
Here is a great irony----"bad" relationships are just as painful to lose as "Healthy " ones. Who knew?! (we can thank Mother Nature for that one)….
How much of your anger is at your own self?
I think that when we are blindsided, like this, that we, also feel betrayed by our own self.....we wonder if we can trust our own self, any more....?
Even if the evidence is there that he was not what you wanted him to be.....you emotionally connected yourself to him...…
We even miss our enemies when they are suddenly gone.....In fact, the more we dislike our enemies...the more we miss them when they are gone.....it leaves an emotional empty hole...for a little while......
When those bonds are broken...it is extraordinarily painful....one of the very painful human experiences....
Here is a great irony----"bad" relationships are just as painful to lose as "Healthy " ones. Who knew?! (we can thank Mother Nature for that one)….
How much of your anger is at your own self?
I think that when we are blindsided, like this, that we, also feel betrayed by our own self.....we wonder if we can trust our own self, any more....?
Even if the evidence is there that he was not what you wanted him to be.....you emotionally connected yourself to him...…
We even miss our enemies when they are suddenly gone.....In fact, the more we dislike our enemies...the more we miss them when they are gone.....it leaves an emotional empty hole...for a little while......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
From his track record he seems to use woman or try to get them to fill his void of unhappiness. The girl before me lasted a month and the one before her lasted about 3 to 4 months.
He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with.
and you didn't see this coming.........at all? it's not like he started out as a real upstanding citizen, with a good resume and track record and THEN fell. it might do you well to look at what you found attractive about this person? what you saw that he brought to the table? that is where your time, energy and thinking is best dedicated. he just did what he's always done.
He doesn't have his own house, drivers license, and he pays a ton of child support for the 5 kids he has no relationship with.
and you didn't see this coming.........at all? it's not like he started out as a real upstanding citizen, with a good resume and track record and THEN fell. it might do you well to look at what you found attractive about this person? what you saw that he brought to the table? that is where your time, energy and thinking is best dedicated. he just did what he's always done.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Picking up on what Anvil has just posted......I think that the Rose Colored Glasses of early attraction are So...so...so thick....and, it feels so good...that we can't even see a freight train right in front of our eyes...……
They don't say that "Love is blind" for nothing...lol...
They don't say that "Love is blind" for nothing...lol...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Hurt,
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. You have to understand people on this forum have many years of experience being with an addict. What they are saying is that your boyfriend, is no special snowflake. He is no different then any other alcoholic. They will hurt you, destroy your self esteem, hurt you and much more. They are giving you wonderful advice. Block him as he has done to you and cut complete contact. His life is going no where and there is no reason you should want to be on his train.
Seek support for yourself, you will be ok.
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. You have to understand people on this forum have many years of experience being with an addict. What they are saying is that your boyfriend, is no special snowflake. He is no different then any other alcoholic. They will hurt you, destroy your self esteem, hurt you and much more. They are giving you wonderful advice. Block him as he has done to you and cut complete contact. His life is going no where and there is no reason you should want to be on his train.
Seek support for yourself, you will be ok.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by Hurt11 
I went crazy with the calls and texts and emails.....He has blocked me from everywhere.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
