Wombaticus

I've drafted a post several times but not posted as I'm feeling quite embarrassed. I'm writing this to face myself.
Kid 1 is getting angry, and sometimes it's hard to separate out normal teenage emotions from being genuinely angry at AH. Its probably a bit of both. Kid 1 is able to say that AH would rather be doing x,y,z than spend time with us. Kid 2 is becoming super helpful like I used to be, and also confused as something he does as a joke with AH in the morning is not ok in the afternoon.
It is now clear to me that my marriage is over. I have grieved for that so much over many years. I now recognise the impact that alcohol has had on me growing up and in the last 10 or more years.
Kid 1 knows I am unhappy and have been for a long time. He told me he has even wondered out loud to kid 2 when we would get a divorce as we are not happy. Maybe AH will be better with kids once we are separated? Maybe not. I have put off leaving for kids' sake and because I have lived in hope.
What an awful mess.
The good thing is that kids are talking to me.

ironwill

Wombaticus,

I'm sorry for your sadness of what you are going through. Teen age kids are hard enough to deal with, yet alone when your spouse is an alcoholic. I'm guessing your not getting much support from him in dealing with the kids. So you have to battle fronts to deal with. Just know that your kids are talking with you and that they love you. Just be strong for them and look after them and yourself. You can do this. Have faith in your self and have av great day.

Mango212

trailmix

Why are you embarrassed Wombaticus? I'm glad you posted.

I was never close to my Father - he did no parenting so I think, really, I don't even understand that relationship.

What I do know is that children are better off without an active addict in the house. It's too unpredictable, it causes fear, anger, rebellion. Yes, all those things are kind of normal in a teenager, I just don't know how much is just regular teen emotion and how much is from living in a dysfunctional home.

You have now come to your decision and I know it must be heartbreaking. You have done all you can do you know, it's not like you haven't tried.

I hope you will find peace with your decision soon.

maia1234

W,
I stuck with my axh for a very long time. I remember my DD19 (at the time) said to me, "Dad is never going to make you happy, why are you staying?" That was one of the "clinchers" to me for filing divorce. (besides the lying, cheating, verbal and mental abuse- jeez) I was just trying to keep the "family" intact. Our family was anything but intact. One of my therapist said to me " its harder to get a divorce then stay married". She was so right, I took the hard road, and survived and don't regret it.

Relationships are a lot like addiction, they progress, and not always in the way that we hope. It takes time to make that big decision and realize what is best for you and your kids. Your husband is a big boy and can take care of himself. Make a plan and take your time to execute it. Dealing with an alcoholic is not easy and we do the best we can with what we have.

Sending support to you in any decisions you make for you and your kids. Hugs!

Wombaticus

I'm embarrassed because I've been frustrated about my situation for a year or more, and yet I'm still here. In my defence, though, I've made lots of changes in that time.
Kid 1 said Dad's only happy when he's making money or he's drunk. He's just changed so much. I didn't marry this person.
sarcastic comments are coming thick and fast from kid 1, and kid 2 is joining in - oh what a surprise, Dad's on his phone - that sort of thing. AH accepts touch from K2 sometimes, but it's met with frustration at other times. Very confusing for K2.
Embarassment for me is a sign I'm taking too much responsibility for something not working out. Codie alert!!!
I could get embarassed if it rained on a picnic I had organized - I should have organized a tent, checked the weather more thoroughly, seeded the clouds for 3 days prior lol.
I'm embarrassed that my kids are being subjected to the choice I have made to stay this long.
They are not in immediate danger, and the second they are, I will act.

Wombaticus

thanks Maia. I have to remind myself that I do have a plan. I have to remain calm and give it over to HP . I can do it - and if it takes a month more or a year more, thats really ok. I don't have a deadline. Thanks for the support. It helped.

hopeful4

Keep talking to them. It's excellent that they are sharing with you. And always let them know none of it is their fault.

Sending huge hugs.

maia1234

W,
I agree, all our journeys are different. In my situation, it all fell into place the way God had planned. It took years, but I eventually had the strength, courage and support to follow through. You will too!!

Hang in there, follow your plan and in support for MLK day "We Shall Overcome!!" Hugs!!