Another fight, he left
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Originally Posted by 2020vision 
Hi flower, I feel we are in a similar place. My partner left 10 nights ago (yes I’m counting). He hasn’t come back, but texts me that he’s depressed.. 0f course, he’s still drinking. I looked into apartments for me and my daughter. I can financially stay in the house, but it’s a lot of work. I got a little mad today Bc I realize that his texts are all about poor him. He doesn’t ask how I am, how the dogs are that I now have to deal with, how the snow shoveling is going, etc.
I think my feeling mad is actually a good thing Bc I don’t feel bad for him today. We have gotten back together after breakups in the past. He is always on his best behavior for the first few weeks. He does things that I would have to practically beg him to do before. It’s short lived...be careful with that. I find it frustrating that he only really steps up to the plate when I get to this point. I’ve done a lot of reading m, too. This is the first breakup that I’ve actually looked into things. I’m listening to Codependence no More’ that many people suggested here. I’m only 30 minutes in, but it’s already helped me a lot. I’m driving alone, saying out loud “OMG...that’s me! So true! Been there! Done that!’ Have you read it? If not, I suggest it!
Good luck and stay strong. I know it’s not easy.
I think my feeling mad is actually a good thing Bc I don’t feel bad for him today. We have gotten back together after breakups in the past. He is always on his best behavior for the first few weeks. He does things that I would have to practically beg him to do before. It’s short lived...be careful with that. I find it frustrating that he only really steps up to the plate when I get to this point. I’ve done a lot of reading m, too. This is the first breakup that I’ve actually looked into things. I’m listening to Codependence no More’ that many people suggested here. I’m only 30 minutes in, but it’s already helped me a lot. I’m driving alone, saying out loud “OMG...that’s me! So true! Been there! Done that!’ Have you read it? If not, I suggest it!
Good luck and stay strong. I know it’s not easy.
I had hoped that he would stay away for longer than 14 hours. LOL. I wanted a real taste of how things would be if he weren't around the house. He has backed away a bit though.
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Originally Posted by 2020vision
I got a little mad today Bc I realize that his texts are all about poor him. He doesn’t ask how I am, how the dogs are that I now have to deal with, how the snow shoveling is going, etc.
Addiction is self centered.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
Hey Flower! Just checking in to see how you are doing?
No one here really seems to talk about the intimacy issues that alcohol can bring. I think as I get older, I don't care as much about sex as I used to. Or maybe, I've just have gotten used to the reduced frequency and other problems that have surfaced. I very much associate the emotional connection with someone to intimacy. I can't separate the 2.
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Originally Posted by flower959
No one here really seems to talk about the intimacy issues that alcohol can bring.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
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Now that you brought it up, ‘roommates’ might also describe my relationship. We have not been intimate for a long time. In fact, I had just started sleeping in the spare room when he left BC he snores when he drinks and I can’t afford to lose sleep. I didn’t even like being touched by him...I know RED FLAG. When we were intimate, it was always just about his needs anyway!
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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I think most people can relate to the another fight he left my ex use to get so drunk we’d fight wel I’d get verbal abuse thrown at me and then when I’d say get out of my house because it was my house not his, he’d happily get up get into his van and drive half an hour home while intoxicated and yes I reported him but he never got caught.
Then a few days after he’d be sorry and if forgive ah it’s ok he didn’t know what he was doing or saying oh he did as that came to light after a huge argument some very hurtful things came out personal attacks on me and my looks etc,
I hid his keys only because I feared he would kill someone not because I wanted him to stay the night I’d sleep in the other room. Then in morning I’d wait for the I’m sorry and o didn’t get it it was what’s wrong with you ?? Erm last night the awful things you said to me....
his reply so ? Was only telling you the truth I’m a realist no your an alcoholic and a nasty vile man in my eyes.
i would never go back because like others I started getting anxiety when I heard the bottle open and I knew o had to get out he still to this day ( from what I’ve been told ) says ahh we finished cos I was sick of dealing with her **** such delusional people and so self observed.
im so much happier I have my life back a smile on my face no anxiety and my home is my home be strong find happiness and leave what makes you unhappy behind.
Then a few days after he’d be sorry and if forgive ah it’s ok he didn’t know what he was doing or saying oh he did as that came to light after a huge argument some very hurtful things came out personal attacks on me and my looks etc,
I hid his keys only because I feared he would kill someone not because I wanted him to stay the night I’d sleep in the other room. Then in morning I’d wait for the I’m sorry and o didn’t get it it was what’s wrong with you ?? Erm last night the awful things you said to me....
his reply so ? Was only telling you the truth I’m a realist no your an alcoholic and a nasty vile man in my eyes.
i would never go back because like others I started getting anxiety when I heard the bottle open and I knew o had to get out he still to this day ( from what I’ve been told ) says ahh we finished cos I was sick of dealing with her **** such delusional people and so self observed.
im so much happier I have my life back a smile on my face no anxiety and my home is my home be strong find happiness and leave what makes you unhappy behind.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Same for me. I sometimes think there is something wrong with me because I don't want to be intimate at all. That being said, I have not had that connection on a VERY long time with anyone. At the end with my XAH he actually repulsed me, and I sometimes wonder if that has damaged me forever. Time will tell I suppose.
You are not alone in this I promise!
You are not alone in this I promise!
Originally Posted by flower959
No one here really seems to talk about the intimacy issues that alcohol can bring. I think as I get older, I don't care as much about sex as I used to. Or maybe, I've just have gotten used to the reduced frequency and other problems that have surfaced. I very much associate the emotional connection with someone to intimacy. I can't separate the 2.
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