FossilHunter

I knew I’d be posting in here tonight, just not how it was going to go.

I packed up the rest of her things and dropped them off with her mom today. I made my last payment to her sober living place, as she should be done in a week.

I haven’t talked to my ex in months. She never reached out to tell me she was going to have to stay longer in sober living. So, her mom apparently messaged her to let her know I dropped her stuff off and made my last payment. My ex sent me a few sarcastic texts saying she apparently needed to come up tomorrow to pick up her things, asked if she could come by and see our pets, and if I was already dating someone else. I’m going to be gone all day and told her she couldn’t come by.

She then let into me about how I don’t know how broken she is emotionally, and physically. She’s ok having to be homeless, but I’m a terrible person for not letting her see the animals. She said she almost wished we’d never met.

It hurt. A lot.

The bad,
I engaged with her and defended my decision to not let her visit. I explained that I couldn’t keep paying forever. I couldn’t keep her stuff for my own mental well being. I’ve realized I can’t talk to her mom and expect her to keep my confidence (duh).

The good,
I stuck by my decision. I told her it was part of my keeping boundaries. I didn’t get mad or upset (maybe a bit hurt). I didn’t curse or make hurtful statements. I truthfully and clearly explained why I came to these decisions.

The unknown,
She stopped responding.


I knew to expect her to lash out over this. It just hurts to read those things. It’s hard not to justify my decisions to her. I’ve realized she doesn’t see this from my viewpoint.

I’m slowly placing one foot in front of the other. This just hurts, but not as much as it used to, for which I’m thankful.

Mango212

FossilHunter,

Thank you for posting and being here.

Bethany57

You deserve so much more....when you least expect it you will find it.

FeelingGreat

She sounds very entitled and self-centered, after all you have paid for the sober living and a thanks would be in order. Well done for your response to her.

I suspect that once she realises she can't shift you she'll move on.

maia1234

FH,
Good for you for trying to cut ties, in the long run, it is the best for both of you.

You got this my friend, no new contact means no new hurts!

trailmix

I honestly think you did the best you could here, under these circumstances.

Yes you engaged but that isn't always a bad thing. You explained your position. The fact that she doesn't see it that way, or doesn't want to, well that can't be fixed.

You've handled this really well. Paying for her sober living as you promised was a really nice thing to do.

I hope she makes it out of the well of alcoholism.

For you though, I know you are hurt and it will take more time for you to heal. You will be fine, we are here for support.

Sasha1972

You did good. You’re handling a really painful situation as best you can.

velma929

"She’s ok having to be homeless, but I’m a terrible person for not letting her see the animals. "

I almost can't get my head around how bone-headed this is. I love my animals, too. As long as they were/are in good hands, I would be super-concerned about being homeless. Really concerned. Distraught, even. I can't fathom whether this is supposed to be manipulative, or she hasn't sobered up yet.

"The good,
I stuck by my decision. I told her it was part of my keeping boundaries. I didn’t get mad or upset (maybe a bit hurt). I didn’t curse or make hurtful statements. I truthfully and clearly explained why I came to these decisions."

Perfectly fair and reasonable.

Bekindalways

Hey Fos, it seems like you have really been through the wringer on this. It can be so damn painful.

I hope that now you don't have to have contact with her, you can start healing.

I counted the days since I had last talked to my A the same way alcoholics trying for recovery count days of sobriety. I kept telling myself that the pain would eventually diminish.

Courage to you.

FossilHunter

Thanks for the support everyone.

As tough as the other night was, I woke up to my son wanting to play cars and eat breakfast. I relieved my remaining stress by hitting the drums and meditating. It was a good weekend.

Bekindalways

Good to hear FH. You sound like you are on your way to healing.

I forgot you have a child with your A which makes no-contact kind of impossible. Ugh.

FossilHunter

Nah, my son is from a previous marriage. She’s a borderline, also fun times.

Bekindalways

That is good to hear. I hope your son's mother is more together.

You can start putting together some no-contact time.