A brief moment of clarity, hopefully not fleeting God grant me the serenity to except
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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A brief moment of clarity, hopefully not fleeting God grant me the serenity to except
I am sitting in the living room of my new house this morning reading the “how Al Anon Works” book. I am more specifically on page 50 learning about step three. Giving it all over to a higher power. As I’ve been reading this section, the serenity prayer keeps coming to my mind. I have said this prayer many times, but today it feels different.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my husband, his choice to drink, what he does in that house when I’m not there), the courage to change the things I can (myself, stop looking at the cameras and wondering if he’s been drinking and If he’s okay), and the wisdom to know the difference (that I’m gaining through this book and through Al Anon and through my “courage to change” devotional).
I’m sitting here just sobbing, in my living room, before my kids get up.
ive always wanted a closer relationship with God, but not this way. Not at the expense of my marriage and my life as I’ve known It. All I feel is sadness and guilt and more sadness.
i know my higher power is in this forum right now. In your words shared with me. In the clarity all of you have helped me realize over these past several months that gave me the strength to leave, get out of his way, and work on my OWN life.
Thank you for listening.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my husband, his choice to drink, what he does in that house when I’m not there), the courage to change the things I can (myself, stop looking at the cameras and wondering if he’s been drinking and If he’s okay), and the wisdom to know the difference (that I’m gaining through this book and through Al Anon and through my “courage to change” devotional).
I’m sitting here just sobbing, in my living room, before my kids get up.
ive always wanted a closer relationship with God, but not this way. Not at the expense of my marriage and my life as I’ve known It. All I feel is sadness and guilt and more sadness.
i know my higher power is in this forum right now. In your words shared with me. In the clarity all of you have helped me realize over these past several months that gave me the strength to leave, get out of his way, and work on my OWN life.
Thank you for listening.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
I am constantly amazed FWN at your energy and ability to handle all
that you are with small children and a baby!
A closer relationship with God is a tremendous blessing,
especially at a time like this and will be a great source of
wisdom and comfort for you.
Keep learning, have compassion for yourself as you look honestly
at your actions and motives - we all started out only wanting the
best for our loved ones. Self compassion is key in this journey.
Have no doubts you are helping others as well, and we appreciate
you very much. ((hugs))
that you are with small children and a baby!
A closer relationship with God is a tremendous blessing,
especially at a time like this and will be a great source of
wisdom and comfort for you.
Keep learning, have compassion for yourself as you look honestly
at your actions and motives - we all started out only wanting the
best for our loved ones. Self compassion is key in this journey.
Have no doubts you are helping others as well, and we appreciate
you very much. ((hugs))
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by FWN 
ive always wanted a closer relationship with God, but not this way. Not at the expense of my marriage and my life as I’ve known It.
I've found that the times when spiritual growth happens are when I'm way beyond my comfort zone, when I'm feeling that I don't have the resources to deal with what's happening, when I'm at my wit's end and my heart is breaking. That is when I begin to learn things.
Most of us will not make a serious change unless we have a pretty major motivation. We talk and talk here about what will make the A "hit bottom"; in fact, I think you yourself may have posted this question at least once. I believe that all of us need to "hit bottom" before we'll make any real changes in our lives, not just addicts. Unless and until we see (and truly believe) the negative consequences of our current thoughts and behavior, we simply won't make the change. Why would we? We've gotten "comfortable w/the discomfort."
Just like an A, some of us will start down our recovery path fairly early, not too deep into the hole. Others will need things to get worse, sometimes much worse, before they see a reason to change. And some will never find that bottom but just keep digging.
Often, we need to be broken in order to be remade, or at least that's what I believe. It's painful and difficult and messy, but that's when the growth takes place. What you're going through is hard, but it's a part of the path that I don't think you can escape, at least not if you're going to make lasting change in your life.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
FWN,
As I sit here eating donuts, forgot to pack my healthy oatmeal before leaving for work. I am amazed at your strength to get through all of this. To find Al-Anon and read the books, go to the meetings and put all the things together. Taking care of your kids and new born, Finding the strength to find a new place to live. You are should be proud of yourself.
Giving it all to a higher power. While I have always gone to church, but I think I was just going cause that what you did on Sunday. It wasn't until everything hit the fan so to say. That I knew I needed help. I couldn't fix this situation with my now RAW. I'm a fixer my nature. If it's broke the engineer in me wants to make it good again. It was through Al-Anon that I learned the phrase "LET GO & LET GOD". Those words were powerful for me to hear. I realized I don't have to fix everything. That somethings he is better at fixing. I now view church in a different light. I pray a lot more. Not for just me, but for all those around me.
I'm sorry for your sadness, Try not to feel guilty that it took your AH for you to become closer to a higher power. Just know that your Higher Power and us here are here for you. When ever you need someone to talk to.
Keep being strong for your kids and for yourself. I hope you have a beautiful day and a great weekend. By the way, I have left over Donuts if you need one.
As I sit here eating donuts, forgot to pack my healthy oatmeal before leaving for work. I am amazed at your strength to get through all of this. To find Al-Anon and read the books, go to the meetings and put all the things together. Taking care of your kids and new born, Finding the strength to find a new place to live. You are should be proud of yourself.
Giving it all to a higher power. While I have always gone to church, but I think I was just going cause that what you did on Sunday. It wasn't until everything hit the fan so to say. That I knew I needed help. I couldn't fix this situation with my now RAW. I'm a fixer my nature. If it's broke the engineer in me wants to make it good again. It was through Al-Anon that I learned the phrase "LET GO & LET GOD". Those words were powerful for me to hear. I realized I don't have to fix everything. That somethings he is better at fixing. I now view church in a different light. I pray a lot more. Not for just me, but for all those around me.
I'm sorry for your sadness, Try not to feel guilty that it took your AH for you to become closer to a higher power. Just know that your Higher Power and us here are here for you. When ever you need someone to talk to.
Keep being strong for your kids and for yourself. I hope you have a beautiful day and a great weekend. By the way, I have left over Donuts if you need one.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
LOL exactly dandelion, exactly. I have not watched them today and this morning very specifically decided to wash my hands of it. I am no longer going to worry about whether or not he is home from work, whether or not he goes to work etc. All it does is make me crazy and I know it is the opposite of no contact. I need to worry about me and my children, he will do his thing and we will do ours.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ive always wanted a closer relationship with God, but not this way. Not at the expense of my marriage and my life as I’ve known It. All I feel is sadness and guilt and more sadness.
And I can almost hear God saying....hey YOU asked!
really good idea to stop looking at the cameras in your house - gotta say, that's kinda, um, well, let's just say not healthy....FOR YOU.
so what IS healthy for you? they say the best way to eliminate bad/unwanted habits is to develop new/better ones. part of the reason why people in early recovery can feel so lost and adrift is that they got part one down - ie stopped drinking - but they have yet to enact part two - filling the void. or they attempt part two, but the fill the void with equally unhealthy choices and activities.
it's great to hear you've been reading Alanon literature. what other similar actions can you take on your road to health and well being?
And I can almost hear God saying....hey YOU asked!
really good idea to stop looking at the cameras in your house - gotta say, that's kinda, um, well, let's just say not healthy....FOR YOU.
so what IS healthy for you? they say the best way to eliminate bad/unwanted habits is to develop new/better ones. part of the reason why people in early recovery can feel so lost and adrift is that they got part one down - ie stopped drinking - but they have yet to enact part two - filling the void. or they attempt part two, but the fill the void with equally unhealthy choices and activities.
it's great to hear you've been reading Alanon literature. what other similar actions can you take on your road to health and well being?
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
Grant me patience with the changes that take time
Appreciation of all that I have
Tolerance for those with different struggles
And the strength to get up and try again
One day at a time
It's lovely to hear you are feeling closer to your higher power. Actually handing it all over opens the way for things to come into your life that you never could have dreamed of.
I know you are feeling a huge sense of loss just now. It is important to also see what is available for you to receive. Allow yourself to feel the joy alongside your pain.
Practice gratitude every day, for the simple things...your baby's smile, a nice cup of tea, the hot water that comes out of the tap.....
It really helps. All is not lost. You are doing great.
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
Grant me patience with the changes that take time
Appreciation of all that I have
Tolerance for those with different struggles
And the strength to get up and try again
One day at a time
It's lovely to hear you are feeling closer to your higher power. Actually handing it all over opens the way for things to come into your life that you never could have dreamed of.
I know you are feeling a huge sense of loss just now. It is important to also see what is available for you to receive. Allow yourself to feel the joy alongside your pain.
Practice gratitude every day, for the simple things...your baby's smile, a nice cup of tea, the hot water that comes out of the tap.....
It really helps. All is not lost. You are doing great.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Sounds like you are rounding a recovery “corner” and things are getting a little clearer.
You are an amazing woman FWN—you are tackling parenting 3 kids, one infant, as well as orchestrating both a move and a step recovery learning curve simultaneously.
You are an amazing woman FWN—you are tackling parenting 3 kids, one infant, as well as orchestrating both a move and a step recovery learning curve simultaneously.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 134
FWN
First off, I will admit I live vicariously thru your post. You seem to somehow ask what I’m thinking. I’m in a bit of a funk right now. Nothing’s changing. I am dragging my feet on my next steps, which I know I need to face but am scared too. So you are helping me enormously and many others I’m sure.
Thank you for that
My Higher Power is who I always turn to in time of need, to feel comforted and in knowing that someone is watching out for me and my loved ones. I have recently adjusted the way I have been praying/talking to “God”. I wanted to see miracles and feel instant gratification (who doesn’t right?) I prayed for my AH to get better, to change and be who I wanted him to be. To just be my husband again. Thru Al Anon and SR I came to realize I can’t ask God for that...plus, he don’t work that way lol. I was so obsessed on fixing my AH I only prayed for him. I kinda forgot about me. Now I pray for strength and guidance for myself and for patience ( loads of it!) I pray for my husband still, I’ve just changed my wording. I pray for his peace, guidance, for God to take his hand and help him when he’s down. I pray for his relationship with our children to grow. That’s all I can ask for. I no longer want to “change” my husband. He is who he is, wether I like it or not. I only want him safe and healthy. To find his own happiness where he can. That’s how I’ve turned things over to my higher power. Not easy but 1 more baby step
First off, I will admit I live vicariously thru your post. You seem to somehow ask what I’m thinking. I’m in a bit of a funk right now. Nothing’s changing. I am dragging my feet on my next steps, which I know I need to face but am scared too. So you are helping me enormously and many others I’m sure.
Thank you for that
My Higher Power is who I always turn to in time of need, to feel comforted and in knowing that someone is watching out for me and my loved ones. I have recently adjusted the way I have been praying/talking to “God”. I wanted to see miracles and feel instant gratification (who doesn’t right?) I prayed for my AH to get better, to change and be who I wanted him to be. To just be my husband again. Thru Al Anon and SR I came to realize I can’t ask God for that...plus, he don’t work that way lol. I was so obsessed on fixing my AH I only prayed for him. I kinda forgot about me. Now I pray for strength and guidance for myself and for patience ( loads of it!) I pray for my husband still, I’ve just changed my wording. I pray for his peace, guidance, for God to take his hand and help him when he’s down. I pray for his relationship with our children to grow. That’s all I can ask for. I no longer want to “change” my husband. He is who he is, wether I like it or not. I only want him safe and healthy. To find his own happiness where he can. That’s how I’ve turned things over to my higher power. Not easy but 1 more baby step
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
So many years ago when I was in your shoes I didnt know my X was an alcoholic, I only knew that I was very unhappy. And, I didnt believe that divorce was an option... for religious reasons, maybe, but more from family and peer pressure... and really just self imposed "standards".
I decided one day to pray for one thing... for God to show me how to be happy, or show me how to get out. Every single day I prayed that simple prayer. I knew that God would show me how to be happy in my marriage.
I have never felt closer to God than I did in those months of that prayer. He showed me things and led me on a path that... well, he showed me how to get out, AND how to be happy.
FWN, your higher power will show you how to be happy, too.
I decided one day to pray for one thing... for God to show me how to be happy, or show me how to get out. Every single day I prayed that simple prayer. I knew that God would show me how to be happy in my marriage.
I have never felt closer to God than I did in those months of that prayer. He showed me things and led me on a path that... well, he showed me how to get out, AND how to be happy.
FWN, your higher power will show you how to be happy, too.
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