My Partner is Dying from Liver Failure
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
Originally Posted by neutronstar 
I thought I would be strong enough to go back into work this week but after receiving messages from friends in his past and how he had a "heart of gold", he was an "angel on earth", stories of how he helped others without any recognition it was a lot to bare. There were people I have never met before as they were part of his story before I was involved. Then others that I met a time or two. At first it made me sad but also happy that he was known for all of the good memories. Many different coincidences appeared to me each day pointing me to music that he loved, going through photos of the good times, signs he is still around me.
Then mid week reality hit of the financial pieces he left undone all because of his struggle with alcohol. I became mad at him for being so private and secret to leave me and his family dealing with his debts. We are having to pull together the pieces for his estate since it is not 100% clear yet.
This is the side that all of the friends and people in the community did not see. The lying and the secrets over his finances, his health, his struggles, the fights, the hell he was in. To top it off I had to meet with his financial counselor to get a status on his consolidated loan. Even his financial counselor was touched by him where he apparently helped her get her job and he was one of her first clients where he tried to cleanup his debt load.
I am feeling stronger. I have accepted this was going to be the outcome no matter what my actions were. I will survive but I need to move forward and stay busy since isolating myself in our house is not going to help.
I've reached out for some professional guidance and they are warning I need to allow myself time to mourn otherwise it could creep up later. I am going to try to go into work next week and see how it goes. I need to move forward as he would not want me to be sad and stressed about him. I still don't think the full reality has hit.
Then mid week reality hit of the financial pieces he left undone all because of his struggle with alcohol. I became mad at him for being so private and secret to leave me and his family dealing with his debts. We are having to pull together the pieces for his estate since it is not 100% clear yet.
This is the side that all of the friends and people in the community did not see. The lying and the secrets over his finances, his health, his struggles, the fights, the hell he was in. To top it off I had to meet with his financial counselor to get a status on his consolidated loan. Even his financial counselor was touched by him where he apparently helped her get her job and he was one of her first clients where he tried to cleanup his debt load.
I am feeling stronger. I have accepted this was going to be the outcome no matter what my actions were. I will survive but I need to move forward and stay busy since isolating myself in our house is not going to help.
I've reached out for some professional guidance and they are warning I need to allow myself time to mourn otherwise it could creep up later. I am going to try to go into work next week and see how it goes. I need to move forward as he would not want me to be sad and stressed about him. I still don't think the full reality has hit.
Yes, I'm really glad that you are getting guidance neuron, that's really important.
Can I also suggest that you get financial guidance as well? You weren't married so unless you co-signed on these debts, they are really not your responsibility. An independent debt counsellor or someone who normally handles estates might be helpful here.
For right now the most important thing is taking care of yourself. Focus on what you need and go with that, to talk, to be alone, to post here to go out to dinner to break up the day, whatever makes you more at peace.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
When my husband died (he wasn't an alcoholic), I was inundated with paperwork and forms and legal decisions that I was in no frame of mind to deal with. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this as well. I had help from many sources for which I was and am very grateful. Please don't hesitate to ask for help and accept it. Please vent here any time you need to decompress!
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,546
Neutronstar, it would be wise to contact a lawyer.
I was married when my Alcoholic Husband died (not from booze, but the two packs a day he smoked)
I avoided calls from the credit card company - stupidly - because I was just choosing not to deal with anything. But when I DID answer the phone and explain the cardholder was dead - she couldn't get out the words fast enough that I wasn't responsible for paying the bill. (His **estate** was, but I was off the hook). Really, for all people gripe about credit cards, I've had only positive experiences.
I'm gathering you weren't married, so barring any weird quirks, unless you were on his accounts, his bills aren't your responsibility.
It sounds like you have an okay relationship with his family? That's really great, because sometimes when people never married, the family of the deceased can pull rank and really make things unpleasant.
I get staying busy, but I stayed out of work for at least two weeks, maybe three, I don't remember. When I did go back to work, the Boss had started a new habit, he was making lists of things to help him get things done. He was soooo tickled when he showed me this. I never said anything, but after he walked away I thought of my own to-do list: 10:00 to 10:15, don't cry. 10:15 to 10:30, don't cry. 10:30 to 10:45, don't cry. You get the idea.
He's a great boss, paid me my full wages when I was out, I still work for him, but sometimes...
Sending prayers your way.
I was married when my Alcoholic Husband died (not from booze, but the two packs a day he smoked)
I avoided calls from the credit card company - stupidly - because I was just choosing not to deal with anything. But when I DID answer the phone and explain the cardholder was dead - she couldn't get out the words fast enough that I wasn't responsible for paying the bill. (His **estate** was, but I was off the hook). Really, for all people gripe about credit cards, I've had only positive experiences.
I'm gathering you weren't married, so barring any weird quirks, unless you were on his accounts, his bills aren't your responsibility.
It sounds like you have an okay relationship with his family? That's really great, because sometimes when people never married, the family of the deceased can pull rank and really make things unpleasant.
I get staying busy, but I stayed out of work for at least two weeks, maybe three, I don't remember. When I did go back to work, the Boss had started a new habit, he was making lists of things to help him get things done. He was soooo tickled when he showed me this. I never said anything, but after he walked away I thought of my own to-do list: 10:00 to 10:15, don't cry. 10:15 to 10:30, don't cry. 10:30 to 10:45, don't cry. You get the idea.
He's a great boss, paid me my full wages when I was out, I still work for him, but sometimes...
Sending prayers your way.
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