Should I Drink With Her...?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
She will keep progressing in her alcoholism. The reduction in amount will be temporary. I also thought I could “manage “ it.
As was said above, once you are a pickle you can’t go back to being a cucumber.
As was said above, once you are a pickle you can’t go back to being a cucumber.
She is drinking but just hiding it. My spouse does this too. I hate the lies almost as much as the actual drinking. But if I drank with him, we would both just drink too much as I have a problem as bad or worse than him, so it isn’t an option any longer.
My point is you are in a no-win situation as long as she holds the belief that she can keep drinking and control it. Drink with her or not, that’s the core issue.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina
I don't think that it makes one bit of difference whether we drink with/around an active alcoholic or not. The alcoholic is the one and only person responsible for her drinking. If we could influence an active alcoholic to not drink or to "cut down," then there would be no need at all for this forum, the thousands of meetings in every town and the millions of counseling sessions happening every year. There is ONE PERSON who has an influence on whether and how much an active alcoholic drinks and that is the active alcoholic. Nobody else.
There is no way to control an alcoholic's drinking. None.
There is no way to control an alcoholic's drinking. None.
Sometimes an intervention can raise the bottom and successfully compel the alcoholic to enter rehab.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by steve11694
Sometimes an intervention can raise the bottom and successfully compel the alcoholic to enter rehab.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1
Just "joined" this site and my Wife has been close to one year dry, I have supportively also done the same, our adult Children and friends family now drink around us. but I am scared if I do she will get angry at me, or relapse. I have no answer and I suspect there is no actual answer just opinions
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^^I think there's mostly just experience (or, opinions) - plenty of us have seen or tried variations on being the one drinking or not as the non-alcoholic, alcoholic-in-progress, person who needed to get sober...I look at it as what I, myself, have to do for my sobriety, and what choices I make to stack those odds in my favor. Others' behavior- even my husband, who is in recovery too - cannot affect whether I choose to drink. Certainly does make it simple to have two sober folks in the home like we do, and have a non-issue. But that's probably unusual statistically 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
Originally Posted by Kurttile
Just "joined" this site and my Wife has been close to one year dry, I have supportively also done the same, our adult Children and friends family now drink around us. but I am scared if I do she will get angry at me, or relapse. I have no answer and I suspect there is no actual answer just opinions
You can have a definitive answer. You can ask her. If she says yes, go ahead and drink and you then find it upsets her or she says it's making her very unhappy, well you have your answer.
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