New Year New Start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 27
New Year New Start
Happy New Year Everyone.
I last posted around a year ago and just wanted to say thanks for all the supportive words I got, it gave me the confidence to stand up to my AM. I have stayed in touch but from a distance and much more on my own terms.
Mum has been ill this year and was admitted to hospital for almost a month during which she stopped drinking. She managed to make 2 1/2 months without drinking but wanted to drink again at Christmas and that is what she did. She waited until my Dad was at a funeral and ordered 3 bottles of spirit to be delivered, it was gone by the time he came home and she hasnt stopped drinking since.
Christmas day was a nightmare, I had already decided I wasnt going for dinner so had arranged breakfast. I turned up at 10am and she had been drinking since midnight the night before. The first words out of her mouth was your dad wants to leave me but cant afford to. I said why does it always have to be like this at Christmas, this is why I dread it. I was open and honest about how she makes me feel and she was offended. I have been having counselling and she made light of it by saying it was about shoes and told me i would have to pay her to get her to my house, not sure where that came from! The final straw for me was when she said my husband of 13 years was lucky that he wasnt part of the family.
So I walked away. My Dad came with me and I cooked breakfast at home, it was nice. I was at peace with what I had said and proud of my self for doing it. I actually managed to have a good Christmas! Since then I have let her family know that she is drinking again and they have been amazing and supportive.
Dad has had the doctor out, her brothers and sisters have been round but they have all said the same thing, she wants to carry on drinking and she can only be helped if she asks for it. She is also asking for a solicitor so she can disinherit me, I can only imagine this is my punishment for telling the family but I am not bothered about her money. I have told my dad I will be there to support him whatever they need but I can be in a room with her anymore and he understands.
I am incredibly sad that my relationship with my mum is over and that I never got here back but I think this is the right move for me and my own sanity. Time to get on with my own life.
I last posted around a year ago and just wanted to say thanks for all the supportive words I got, it gave me the confidence to stand up to my AM. I have stayed in touch but from a distance and much more on my own terms.
Mum has been ill this year and was admitted to hospital for almost a month during which she stopped drinking. She managed to make 2 1/2 months without drinking but wanted to drink again at Christmas and that is what she did. She waited until my Dad was at a funeral and ordered 3 bottles of spirit to be delivered, it was gone by the time he came home and she hasnt stopped drinking since.
Christmas day was a nightmare, I had already decided I wasnt going for dinner so had arranged breakfast. I turned up at 10am and she had been drinking since midnight the night before. The first words out of her mouth was your dad wants to leave me but cant afford to. I said why does it always have to be like this at Christmas, this is why I dread it. I was open and honest about how she makes me feel and she was offended. I have been having counselling and she made light of it by saying it was about shoes and told me i would have to pay her to get her to my house, not sure where that came from! The final straw for me was when she said my husband of 13 years was lucky that he wasnt part of the family.
So I walked away. My Dad came with me and I cooked breakfast at home, it was nice. I was at peace with what I had said and proud of my self for doing it. I actually managed to have a good Christmas! Since then I have let her family know that she is drinking again and they have been amazing and supportive.
Dad has had the doctor out, her brothers and sisters have been round but they have all said the same thing, she wants to carry on drinking and she can only be helped if she asks for it. She is also asking for a solicitor so she can disinherit me, I can only imagine this is my punishment for telling the family but I am not bothered about her money. I have told my dad I will be there to support him whatever they need but I can be in a room with her anymore and he understands.
I am incredibly sad that my relationship with my mum is over and that I never got here back but I think this is the right move for me and my own sanity. Time to get on with my own life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
EG,
Glad you posted. I am sorry for the pain your mother has caused. You are correct by protecting yourself and staying away. Sometime we have to put on our oxygen mask first to protect us and that is what you have done.
I pray that she finds sobriety, and I pray that you find serenity in 2020. Hugs!!
Glad you posted. I am sorry for the pain your mother has caused. You are correct by protecting yourself and staying away. Sometime we have to put on our oxygen mask first to protect us and that is what you have done.
I pray that she finds sobriety, and I pray that you find serenity in 2020. Hugs!!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi EG thanks for posting an update. It's incredibly sad isn't it? Especially after a period of sobriety. Alcoholism is a dangerous beast and many As can go for a long time without a drink, but it lures them back in with the idea that they can control it now. I'm stunned by the amount she drank in one sitting, and it shows she has built up a huge tolerance.
It's no excuse, but the interactions you had with her were when she was under the influence and likely to say things she doesn't mean; a mixture of aggression brought on by guilt and defiance. I do feel sorry for your father but I'm glad he came away with you for a peaceful breakfast.
All the best for the New Year for you and your family.
It's no excuse, but the interactions you had with her were when she was under the influence and likely to say things she doesn't mean; a mixture of aggression brought on by guilt and defiance. I do feel sorry for your father but I'm glad he came away with you for a peaceful breakfast.
All the best for the New Year for you and your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 27
Thanks for the replies. I should say the funeral was a 6 hour round trip so she had all day to drink but yes it is still a lot!
I feel sorry for my Dad too. I rang today to wish him a happy new year and he could speak to me outside because she was passed out on the couch. He had to cancel his brother and sisters visit today because Mum didnt want them to come. I am worried he is becoming isolated for us all. He said yesterday was a bad day because all she did was abuse him for telling the family (although it was me that told them) she says its a conspiracy. I worry he wont be able to care for her much longer and then what? But thankfully we are not there yet.
I feel sorry for my Dad too. I rang today to wish him a happy new year and he could speak to me outside because she was passed out on the couch. He had to cancel his brother and sisters visit today because Mum didnt want them to come. I am worried he is becoming isolated for us all. He said yesterday was a bad day because all she did was abuse him for telling the family (although it was me that told them) she says its a conspiracy. I worry he wont be able to care for her much longer and then what? But thankfully we are not there yet.
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