Unreliable
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 28
Unreliable
Ah saw our daughter today. Was late, as usual. Dropped her off a few hours ago, he forgot most of her things I packed including her only sippy cup. Asked him to get it from the car, and give me the money we spoke about for our daughter while he is gone. So he goes to the car
2 hours later...
He is at the bar watching the game. Who does that? I can rely on him for anything! I need to get child support started asap. Can I without divorcing him? We are currently living separately.
Also, I'm worked up from the fact he called me last night to tell me he loved me and to be extremely mean all in the same sentence. He text me many times too. It was 1am. He was drunk, obviously.
Anyway, my mom is going through a lot so wont be able to help me pay for a lawyer if I decided to get a divorce. Is there any cheaper way? Or free way to get a divorce. Maybe I can fill out the paper work myself? First thing on my mind is to get child support. I'm just worried that he will spend it all on alcohol and say he has nothing to give me. Luckily I put money away for hard time.
2 hours later...
He is at the bar watching the game. Who does that? I can rely on him for anything! I need to get child support started asap. Can I without divorcing him? We are currently living separately.
Also, I'm worked up from the fact he called me last night to tell me he loved me and to be extremely mean all in the same sentence. He text me many times too. It was 1am. He was drunk, obviously.
Anyway, my mom is going through a lot so wont be able to help me pay for a lawyer if I decided to get a divorce. Is there any cheaper way? Or free way to get a divorce. Maybe I can fill out the paper work myself? First thing on my mind is to get child support. I'm just worried that he will spend it all on alcohol and say he has nothing to give me. Luckily I put money away for hard time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 223
You can get interim support while a divorce is pending (depending on your state), yes. But generally not until you file because you ask for it in your divorce paperwork.
You can do your own paperwork, especially if you think you can reach an agreement without a judge making findings (even if you get a lawyer most divorces settle before a full blown trial, even if it’s acrimonious). Check with your county Court about whether they have self help services. Many do- they will help you figure out what forms and how to fill them out, which can be confusing (I’m a lawyer and I did my own papers and I still talked to the legal self help people to help me figure out the custody stuff). The local courts will often have packets or online forms with all the basics.
You can do your own paperwork, especially if you think you can reach an agreement without a judge making findings (even if you get a lawyer most divorces settle before a full blown trial, even if it’s acrimonious). Check with your county Court about whether they have self help services. Many do- they will help you figure out what forms and how to fill them out, which can be confusing (I’m a lawyer and I did my own papers and I still talked to the legal self help people to help me figure out the custody stuff). The local courts will often have packets or online forms with all the basics.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Erza,
I'm glad you're here. This took off stuff is best dealt with by having a growing support network.
My local DV recovery help center has been very beneficial for me, in many ways. Are you able to get a number for your local one?
Al-Anon has also been extremely important for me in navigating these type of things.
I'm glad you're here. This took off stuff is best dealt with by having a growing support network.
My local DV recovery help center has been very beneficial for me, in many ways. Are you able to get a number for your local one?
Al-Anon has also been extremely important for me in navigating these type of things.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Erza, I did a pro se divorce. My situation was very different from yours, though. XAH and I were in total agreement on who got what, we had no kids and we had no debt. I still ended up hiring a lawyer who worked with me on a "consult only" basis, just to make sure I was doing things properly.
The cost of this assistance was in the hundreds of dollars, under $1000. It was well worth it, both for the correction of misinformation that I had and for the extra assurance that my papers were correctly filled out and properly filed so there would be no delays. Everything did go smoothly, but from what I've read here, my X was much, much more cooperative than the average, and again, we had no debt to fight over and no children over whom to struggle about support and visitation.
Here are some snippets from the web site of the attorney who I worked with:
If you hire an attorney for full representation, they will handle every part of your case.
For limited scope or partial representation, an attorney will only deal with a few agreed upon issues.
If you hire someone for consultation only, they would be available to review/prepare documents and provide advice when need but they wouldn’t represent you in court.
The biggest and most obvious advantage of representing yourself is the cost. If you and your spouse can agree on the terms of your divorce you can save a lot of money on attorney fees. If the parties involved behave rationally and calmly, it is an advantage to be able to communicate directly between one another rather than through their attorneys. Direct communication is always ideal.
Family law and court procedure are complicated things. If you commit to representing yourself, you must be sure that you know the law and know the process. You may end up biting off more than you can chew when dealing with issues like child custody, division and distribution of pension benefits, and so on.
Another disadvantage is that if you chose not to hire a lawyer, you’re on your own. Expect zero help from the court and especially not from the opposing lawyer. If you are unable to organize and develop a plan for litigation, nobody will do it for you. You must be prepared.
I would think the best place for you to start is to schedule consults (often these are free) with a number of attorneys, to see what they have to say about your situation, what they think the best plan is, and how much it would cost. Earlier someone mentioned your local DV center as a resource, which would be good also. Simply typing "low cost legal help" as a search term gave me a whole bunch of options, too.
As I said, I hired an attorney for consult only, everything went well and the price was reasonable. There were a couple of very important differences from your situation, though. In your shoes, I think I'd do a LOT of research before figuring I could handle it myself. Having read what others here have gone through or are going through regarding custody, support and so on, I'd worry about putting myself and my kids in a bad spot through not having some sort of professional advice, at the very least. It doesn't sound as if your AH is going to behave "rationally and calmly", as the quote above said, and you're going to need big enough guns to protect yourself and your kids, especially if he gets a lawyer.
One more thing--I've seen that divorce law can vary widely even from county to county within a state. A consult would be valuable simply to make sure that the information you have is accurate and up-to-date for the place you live. You may find out things you never imagined were the case, both good and bad, and you don't want to be blindsided later on.
I wish you all the best, Erza. Please be thorough in your research and don't rule anything out until you have all the info.
The cost of this assistance was in the hundreds of dollars, under $1000. It was well worth it, both for the correction of misinformation that I had and for the extra assurance that my papers were correctly filled out and properly filed so there would be no delays. Everything did go smoothly, but from what I've read here, my X was much, much more cooperative than the average, and again, we had no debt to fight over and no children over whom to struggle about support and visitation.
Here are some snippets from the web site of the attorney who I worked with:
If you hire an attorney for full representation, they will handle every part of your case.
For limited scope or partial representation, an attorney will only deal with a few agreed upon issues.
If you hire someone for consultation only, they would be available to review/prepare documents and provide advice when need but they wouldn’t represent you in court.
The biggest and most obvious advantage of representing yourself is the cost. If you and your spouse can agree on the terms of your divorce you can save a lot of money on attorney fees. If the parties involved behave rationally and calmly, it is an advantage to be able to communicate directly between one another rather than through their attorneys. Direct communication is always ideal.
Family law and court procedure are complicated things. If you commit to representing yourself, you must be sure that you know the law and know the process. You may end up biting off more than you can chew when dealing with issues like child custody, division and distribution of pension benefits, and so on.
Another disadvantage is that if you chose not to hire a lawyer, you’re on your own. Expect zero help from the court and especially not from the opposing lawyer. If you are unable to organize and develop a plan for litigation, nobody will do it for you. You must be prepared.
I would think the best place for you to start is to schedule consults (often these are free) with a number of attorneys, to see what they have to say about your situation, what they think the best plan is, and how much it would cost. Earlier someone mentioned your local DV center as a resource, which would be good also. Simply typing "low cost legal help" as a search term gave me a whole bunch of options, too.
As I said, I hired an attorney for consult only, everything went well and the price was reasonable. There were a couple of very important differences from your situation, though. In your shoes, I think I'd do a LOT of research before figuring I could handle it myself. Having read what others here have gone through or are going through regarding custody, support and so on, I'd worry about putting myself and my kids in a bad spot through not having some sort of professional advice, at the very least. It doesn't sound as if your AH is going to behave "rationally and calmly", as the quote above said, and you're going to need big enough guns to protect yourself and your kids, especially if he gets a lawyer.
One more thing--I've seen that divorce law can vary widely even from county to county within a state. A consult would be valuable simply to make sure that the information you have is accurate and up-to-date for the place you live. You may find out things you never imagined were the case, both good and bad, and you don't want to be blindsided later on.
I wish you all the best, Erza. Please be thorough in your research and don't rule anything out until you have all the info.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
