Thoughts about THERAPY
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Nara,
Trust your gut instincts!
Some days it can be as simple as one moment at a time. You have the right to try out another therapist or two, even while having an appointment scheduled with this one. Perhaps write down, with gratitude, 5 things you've gained from this experience of seeing this counselor. An open heart, clear mind, gratitude and debriefing from any toxicity with safe, supportive people outside the therapist's office can create strength, greater emotional intelligence and inner strength.
My experience, strength and hope.
Trust your gut instincts!
Some days it can be as simple as one moment at a time. You have the right to try out another therapist or two, even while having an appointment scheduled with this one. Perhaps write down, with gratitude, 5 things you've gained from this experience of seeing this counselor. An open heart, clear mind, gratitude and debriefing from any toxicity with safe, supportive people outside the therapist's office can create strength, greater emotional intelligence and inner strength.
My experience, strength and hope.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I relate greatly to construction and renovation of the physical kind to life stuff. 
Strength: gained by using 'muscles' of any kind. Strength can be in communication with others, building support networks, looking at something from new viewpoints and learning how to create/look at and make use of blueprints for our own lives. When building something, we don't keep looking at the garbage that's thrown out.
Strength: gained by using 'muscles' of any kind. Strength can be in communication with others, building support networks, looking at something from new viewpoints and learning how to create/look at and make use of blueprints for our own lives. When building something, we don't keep looking at the garbage that's thrown out.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Nara...….I notice that you were able to summarize your feelings about the current therapy in about 2 good sentences....
And, in addition, when asked about what your goals of therapy are...you were able to narrow to a very precise area of concern------
My suggestion(s)------next session...tell the therapist exactly, the same information that you shared with us....she deserves to k now how you feel the therapy is going, also....
Then...share with her your goals for therapy, as you have shared them with us....
You can even put talking points on a couple of index cards...so you don't get flustered when talking to her....
This, I think, should clear up a lot between you and the therapist....maybe, she will agree to take a different tact with you...or, she may see fit to refer you to a different therapist with a different style or specialty....
Too bad that there aren't any ACOA meetings in your area...because that would be a good augmentation to therapy, I would imagine...since your core issues that you want to deal with are pretty common in children of alcoholics....
And, in addition, when asked about what your goals of therapy are...you were able to narrow to a very precise area of concern------
My suggestion(s)------next session...tell the therapist exactly, the same information that you shared with us....she deserves to k now how you feel the therapy is going, also....
Then...share with her your goals for therapy, as you have shared them with us....
You can even put talking points on a couple of index cards...so you don't get flustered when talking to her....
This, I think, should clear up a lot between you and the therapist....maybe, she will agree to take a different tact with you...or, she may see fit to refer you to a different therapist with a different style or specialty....
Too bad that there aren't any ACOA meetings in your area...because that would be a good augmentation to therapy, I would imagine...since your core issues that you want to deal with are pretty common in children of alcoholics....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 70
I went to two therapists; the first one was okay (specialized in trauma counseling) but, really, did not understand addiction. The second was an addiction therapists - and was fabulous. She "got" it.
I'd recommend a therapist who specializes in addiction. I found that my therapist was less likely to make excuses or explain away my X's behavior and, frankly, mine. Validation is all well and good - but I didn't need or want some things to be validated. I needed someone to explain to me what the heck was going on and to help me screw my head back on straight. Knowing the difference between when I needed validation and when I needed honesty - well, I think that came because of my therapists years of experience in helping alcoholics and their families.
Just my two cents.
I'd recommend a therapist who specializes in addiction. I found that my therapist was less likely to make excuses or explain away my X's behavior and, frankly, mine. Validation is all well and good - but I didn't need or want some things to be validated. I needed someone to explain to me what the heck was going on and to help me screw my head back on straight. Knowing the difference between when I needed validation and when I needed honesty - well, I think that came because of my therapists years of experience in helping alcoholics and their families.
Just my two cents.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by FionnaPerSe 
One more thing- it seems to me like you are wanting validation and constant reassurance from the relationships you are in that you are worthy. So friendly advice here- you will never get enough of such reassurance, even from the healthiest of people.
It is a highly risky investment to put your own value anywhere else, and into anyone elses hands. SO, You need to be able to feel worthy within first. Which is why being single for awhile and work on those belief might indeed be the great way forward.
Best! <3
It is a highly risky investment to put your own value anywhere else, and into anyone elses hands. SO, You need to be able to feel worthy within first. Which is why being single for awhile and work on those belief might indeed be the great way forward.
Best! <3
Growing up that’s how I was treated, there was always something more important going in, so my needs had to wait. So guess what I do now? Yes, we can take care of my needs later.
looking out for others sometimes before ourselves, can be a good thing at times, but I didn’t learn to do that in the healthiest way. I need to feel complete first, but I guess I tend to do for others first in hopes to receive the same later. But always later.
when I got into this relationship I was feeling good about myself. I was happy, I was confident, I was helping many people accomplish their goals, I was doing charity work, I had just been offered my dream job. At the first sign that my ex was affecting my self-esteem I tried to end things, but got caught up on “you don’t trust anybody”. That went in until I didn’t have my confidence anymore.
and by writing this I just realized, every time a partner do something to shake some of the self stem I built I end things right there to protect myself, even if I don’t leave the relationship. I might stay but with no hopes, and maybe just waiting for them to end things. Wow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Mango212
Hi Nara,
Trust your gut instincts!
Some days it can be as simple as one moment at a time. You have the right to try out another therapist or two, even while having an appointment scheduled with this one. Perhaps write down, with gratitude, 5 things you've gained from this experience of seeing this counselor. An open heart, clear mind, gratitude and debriefing from any toxicity with safe, supportive people outside the therapist's office can create strength, greater emotional intelligence and inner strength.
My experience, strength and hope.
Trust your gut instincts!
Some days it can be as simple as one moment at a time. You have the right to try out another therapist or two, even while having an appointment scheduled with this one. Perhaps write down, with gratitude, 5 things you've gained from this experience of seeing this counselor. An open heart, clear mind, gratitude and debriefing from any toxicity with safe, supportive people outside the therapist's office can create strength, greater emotional intelligence and inner strength.
My experience, strength and hope.
I know I have a lot of wound from childhood, and specially now that I learned that I come from an alcoholic family I need some kind of therapy more than ever. Is hard but I’m letting my XAF go so I can look into the sources of my problems. Finally giving attention to what is causing me pain my whole life.
I will definitely try a different therapist and see how that goes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by Derringer
Try reading this
A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson
I had the same experience with therapists, just a sympathetic ear for $80-$120 an hour. 🙄
The book helped me immensely.
A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson
I had the same experience with therapists, just a sympathetic ear for $80-$120 an hour. 🙄
The book helped me immensely.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
This is very similar to my experience at the beginning of therapy. But mine would say things like “how does that make you feel” and “why do you suppose you are feeling that way” kind of stuff. It’s a very gentle way of unpacking the trauma and letting you get where you need to go on your own time. Now (after gaining my confidence back) I walk in and say things like, “ I need direction on A, B, C” and we work up solutions to those things first and then I will talk about whatever else is bothering me. Just food for thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Nara-
I have been in therapy a long time. I have found it to be the BEST gift I have ever given myself.
I have seen a variety of therapists in that time, for different reasons.
My first therapist I did mainly talk therapy, and I needed that. I needed an ear to allow myself space to talk and process. We talked about a lot. For example that was the first time I read Co-Dependent No More.
As I started to heal I started to search for something more. I ended up transitioning to a second therapist and while she is open and has empathy she is also much more willing to confront and call me out on my own blocks. At first I struggled with this, but I could feel movement in my body (which felt stuck before) and while it was really hard it was freeing.
With this second therapist part of the gift she has given me is the gift to bring to her when I am uncomfortable about something between us. For example I once walked into her office and stated "I am so mad at you..." and rather than take it personally, because she knows me, she literally clapped for me, said "Finally," and on we went with the appointment.
I would not have been ready for the second therapist, without the first, but I am grateful for them both.
Finally I have done a variety of healing modalities for recovery and I am glad I did. Al-anon, therapy, body work, mindfullness based stress reduction, yoga, etc. I say that because they all helped and often one would help me to have a good fit for another.
Finally, I think just the fact that you asked about this is probably recovery in action!
I have been in therapy a long time. I have found it to be the BEST gift I have ever given myself.
I have seen a variety of therapists in that time, for different reasons.
My first therapist I did mainly talk therapy, and I needed that. I needed an ear to allow myself space to talk and process. We talked about a lot. For example that was the first time I read Co-Dependent No More.
As I started to heal I started to search for something more. I ended up transitioning to a second therapist and while she is open and has empathy she is also much more willing to confront and call me out on my own blocks. At first I struggled with this, but I could feel movement in my body (which felt stuck before) and while it was really hard it was freeing.
With this second therapist part of the gift she has given me is the gift to bring to her when I am uncomfortable about something between us. For example I once walked into her office and stated "I am so mad at you..." and rather than take it personally, because she knows me, she literally clapped for me, said "Finally," and on we went with the appointment.
I would not have been ready for the second therapist, without the first, but I am grateful for them both.
Finally I have done a variety of healing modalities for recovery and I am glad I did. Al-anon, therapy, body work, mindfullness based stress reduction, yoga, etc. I say that because they all helped and often one would help me to have a good fit for another.
Finally, I think just the fact that you asked about this is probably recovery in action!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have been down the long road to therapy. I had one like that once. I felt like she babied me and said the same things you are saying. I don't need a mommy, I need a therapist. I went to her twice and switch. Good switch.
You have to go until you find the right one.
You have to go until you find the right one.
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