Survived...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Survived...
Like most of you, I was absolutely dreading the past few days. I made myself sick with the "what ifs" of it all. Christmas Eve was rather uneventful. We received a call regarding AH's elderly family member saying they were in the hospital. I was afraid this would be a trigger because we are no contact with his family but he pushed through and managed to get himself motivated enough to enjoy dinner and dessert at my Mom's house. He is having a lot of pain this week and by the time we got home, he could not walk and so he went to bed. I was left to wrap presents and set up for the morning but I will say that it was more pleasant than ever!!! I watched Christmas movies and took my time...it was an enjoyable night.
Christmas morning, we got another surprise. Quick backstory- our daughter is a recovering meth addict and active alcoholic. She has not been inside our home (come to pick up food a few times but only if I hang it on the gate) since February. Well, out of the blue, she called and asked if she could pop in to see her brothers. OF COURSE YOU CAN IF YOU ARE SOBER!!! YES!!! She brought her boyfriend and they stayed for breakfast and it was a good time. I was so very happy to have all my kids in the house!
The rest of the day, AH played woe is me. I asked him if there was something I could do for him, he said no so I just went about my day. He stayed in his chair, sleeping and pouting while we went to Christmas dinner with my family.
I am thankful for the tools that I have developed from the support here and AlAnon too. It made for the first pleasant holiday I have had in longer than I can remember. I am actually looking forward to next year and being so much better than I am today.
Update- AH is 20 days dry. He started smoking pot again on Friday so I use the term "sober" lightly. At what point do you call it "recovery"? He is not working a program, he is just "not drinking".
Christmas morning, we got another surprise. Quick backstory- our daughter is a recovering meth addict and active alcoholic. She has not been inside our home (come to pick up food a few times but only if I hang it on the gate) since February. Well, out of the blue, she called and asked if she could pop in to see her brothers. OF COURSE YOU CAN IF YOU ARE SOBER!!! YES!!! She brought her boyfriend and they stayed for breakfast and it was a good time. I was so very happy to have all my kids in the house!
The rest of the day, AH played woe is me. I asked him if there was something I could do for him, he said no so I just went about my day. He stayed in his chair, sleeping and pouting while we went to Christmas dinner with my family.
I am thankful for the tools that I have developed from the support here and AlAnon too. It made for the first pleasant holiday I have had in longer than I can remember. I am actually looking forward to next year and being so much better than I am today.
Update- AH is 20 days dry. He started smoking pot again on Friday so I use the term "sober" lightly. At what point do you call it "recovery"? He is not working a program, he is just "not drinking".
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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I think you call it recovery when it looks like recovery. Switching to another method of numbing one's emotions might not fit the bill.
Really nice news about your daughter, though. I am so glad that happened.
Really nice news about your daughter, though. I am so glad that happened.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
I think you call it recovery when it looks like recovery. Switching to another method of numbing one's emotions might not fit the bill.
Really nice news about your daughter, though. I am so glad that happened.
Really nice news about your daughter, though. I am so glad that happened.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by oddsunflower
I am thankful for the tools that I have developed from the support here and AlAnon too. It made for the first pleasant holiday I have had in longer than I can remember. I am actually looking forward to next year and being so much better than I am today.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
hey oddsunflower, so glad you got to see your Daughter and she is doing well!
As sparklekitty said, recovery looks like recovery, you will know it when you see it, there won't be a need to guess.
Kind of like him being on your planet instead of living in his own world I should imagine!
Glad to hear you are looking out for yourself.
As sparklekitty said, recovery looks like recovery, you will know it when you see it, there won't be a need to guess.
Kind of like him being on your planet instead of living in his own world I should imagine!
Glad to hear you are looking out for yourself.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
Good news about your daughter!
As far as your AH....like you said, he is just not drinking, or as we call it “white knuckling” or “dry drunk”. My ex was sober like that for a year but he was not much fun to be around, still grumpy and depressed and always tired and not interested in socializing. After a year he started drinking again. He finally did get sober which involved rehab for 3 months and lots of meetings, having a sponsor etc. He was willingly going to local AA meetings (which he never wanted to do before because of his job and the many people he knows in town because of it, he didn’t want anyone knowing) and being open about being a recovering A.
Your AH is just substituting with pot now. 20 days is not a lot. It’s only a matter of time before he will go back to drinking without working a program. Sleeping and pouting and woe is me is not what recovery looks like...far from it. Drinking is only a small part of the problem. Without learning new healthy coping skills to replace the alcohol nothing much will change, even if he isn’t drinking, hence the term dry drunk. Pain is no reason to drink it is just an excuse. It is a reason to go see a doctor and go about it the right way. Sounds like you are detaching and worrying about you so that’s good. Sounds like you managed to have a good time during the holidays. Is you AH showing any interest in actually seeking treatments? Without treatment he is unlikely to truly recover and stay clean,
As far as your AH....like you said, he is just not drinking, or as we call it “white knuckling” or “dry drunk”. My ex was sober like that for a year but he was not much fun to be around, still grumpy and depressed and always tired and not interested in socializing. After a year he started drinking again. He finally did get sober which involved rehab for 3 months and lots of meetings, having a sponsor etc. He was willingly going to local AA meetings (which he never wanted to do before because of his job and the many people he knows in town because of it, he didn’t want anyone knowing) and being open about being a recovering A.
Your AH is just substituting with pot now. 20 days is not a lot. It’s only a matter of time before he will go back to drinking without working a program. Sleeping and pouting and woe is me is not what recovery looks like...far from it. Drinking is only a small part of the problem. Without learning new healthy coping skills to replace the alcohol nothing much will change, even if he isn’t drinking, hence the term dry drunk. Pain is no reason to drink it is just an excuse. It is a reason to go see a doctor and go about it the right way. Sounds like you are detaching and worrying about you so that’s good. Sounds like you managed to have a good time during the holidays. Is you AH showing any interest in actually seeking treatments? Without treatment he is unlikely to truly recover and stay clean,
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by Sleepyhollo
Good news about your daughter!
As far as your AH....like you said, he is just not drinking, or as we call it “white knuckling” or “dry drunk”. My ex was sober like that for a year but he was not much fun to be around, still grumpy and depressed and always tired and not interested in socializing. After a year he started drinking again. He finally did get sober which involved rehab for 3 months and lots of meetings, having a sponsor etc. He was willingly going to local AA meetings (which he never wanted to do before because of his job and the many people he knows in town because of it, he didn’t want anyone knowing) and being open about being a recovering A.
Your AH is just substituting with pot now. 20 days is not a lot. It’s only a matter of time before he will go back to drinking without working a program. Sleeping and pouting and woe is me is not what recovery looks like...far from it. Drinking is only a small part of the problem. Without learning new healthy coping skills to replace the alcohol nothing much will change, even if he isn’t drinking, hence the term dry drunk. Pain is no reason to drink it is just an excuse. It is a reason to go see a doctor and go about it the right way. Sounds like you are detaching and worrying about you so that’s good. Sounds like you managed to have a good time during the holidays. Is you AH showing any interest in actually seeking treatments? Without treatment he is unlikely to truly recover and stay clean,
As far as your AH....like you said, he is just not drinking, or as we call it “white knuckling” or “dry drunk”. My ex was sober like that for a year but he was not much fun to be around, still grumpy and depressed and always tired and not interested in socializing. After a year he started drinking again. He finally did get sober which involved rehab for 3 months and lots of meetings, having a sponsor etc. He was willingly going to local AA meetings (which he never wanted to do before because of his job and the many people he knows in town because of it, he didn’t want anyone knowing) and being open about being a recovering A.
Your AH is just substituting with pot now. 20 days is not a lot. It’s only a matter of time before he will go back to drinking without working a program. Sleeping and pouting and woe is me is not what recovery looks like...far from it. Drinking is only a small part of the problem. Without learning new healthy coping skills to replace the alcohol nothing much will change, even if he isn’t drinking, hence the term dry drunk. Pain is no reason to drink it is just an excuse. It is a reason to go see a doctor and go about it the right way. Sounds like you are detaching and worrying about you so that’s good. Sounds like you managed to have a good time during the holidays. Is you AH showing any interest in actually seeking treatments? Without treatment he is unlikely to truly recover and stay clean,
I am just trying to focus on the things I can control.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
OSF,
Wow, your plate is full. How wonderful that you got to see your daughter sober for Christmas, warms a momma's heart.
In my opinion, as with Sleepyhollow, sobriety to me is growing up, sobering up and working a program. I don't really think he is doing that. Who really knows if he is drinking or not. Does it really matter. As stated above its actions not words, that show if our addicts are working a program. Life with an addict is just not fun. I also dreaded my holidays and you never know who will show up that day. You survived another holiday with an addict and life was calm. yea!!
What is your plan or goal for 2020? Keep hitting alanon or open AA meetings. Keep posting and reading soberrecovery. Education is power to all of us. One day things will change and you will have the power to do what you need to do and accomplish. Sending hugs to you for a Happy New Year!
Wow, your plate is full. How wonderful that you got to see your daughter sober for Christmas, warms a momma's heart.
In my opinion, as with Sleepyhollow, sobriety to me is growing up, sobering up and working a program. I don't really think he is doing that. Who really knows if he is drinking or not. Does it really matter. As stated above its actions not words, that show if our addicts are working a program. Life with an addict is just not fun. I also dreaded my holidays and you never know who will show up that day. You survived another holiday with an addict and life was calm. yea!!
What is your plan or goal for 2020? Keep hitting alanon or open AA meetings. Keep posting and reading soberrecovery. Education is power to all of us. One day things will change and you will have the power to do what you need to do and accomplish. Sending hugs to you for a Happy New Year!
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