Lala39

I'm new here...trying to read and gain knowledge in this new territory. It seems like everything I'm reading is the partner of an addict is mostly codependent. Does anyone have insight to when the addict is actually the giver/enabler in the relationship?

SparkleKitty

I think codependency among addicts is not all that rare a thing. That being said, I'm not sure I understand your question or situation -- what/whose negative behavior is the addict in the relationship enabling?

JamieLee

I do think my spouse is codependent and an addict-- I think the negative habit they enable is their own addiction-- because they feel "used" from what they feel is giving to other people and then they feel that justifies their bad behavior. -- although maybe that's just an example of addiction taking care of itself. Who knows...

trailmix

Hi JamieLee. Addiction is selfish. The results of addiction on a person's life and personality could be looked at many ways I suppose, but it all has the same end result.

Whatever "reasons" the addict comes up with, i'm sure are reality to them in the moment (or as good an excuse as any. Addiction is about defense of the addiction and this just sounds like a way to defend it.

I help everyone, no one helps me, I'll have a drink.

FallenAngelina

Codependence consists of several relationship roles, "enabler" being just one. Alcoholism doesn't spring up out of nowhere, it comes from years of trying to cope in an unhealthy family/relationship. Most alcoholics come from codependent (not necessarily alcoholism) family situations, so there is quite a lot of overlap between codependence and alcoholism. Increasingly, we are coming to understand that it's not one or the other. More and more AA members are also active in AlAnon because AlAnon addresses the deeper reasons that the alcoholic turned to alcohol in the first place.

hopeful4

It's called being a double winner and is actually quite common.