Progress
 

I hit my limit with AH in July. I told him then that we should divorce and his response was - NO! As if I need his permission. I met with a paralegal in early August and hired her to help me with the documents to file with the court. Then the depression and anxiety hit hard. I've spent the last months working with my doctor to find a medication that worked. It was nearly impossible during that time for me to find the motivation to complete the forms and collect the needed documents. I'm now on a good medication that is helping so much. And tonight I finished the last of the forms/document collection. I've emailed them to the paralegal and will follow up with a call next week for our next meeting.

He hasn't had a drink since August 1, which makes me feel somewhat guilty for proceeding. Yet I know in my heart I'm justified with any decision I make. The past 3 months since he's not drinking, we've only had one argument. But I find myself wishing he weren't here nearly every day. I haven't brought up the divorce since July, just because it's been easier to coast through the days (especially during my depression) until I am ready to file.

Now with the upcoming holidays I am struggling with the timing. We have 5 (grown) children between us. And Thanksgiving is planned with the entire group. I've been trying to limit what AH is planning for Christmas because I kind of want to file after Thanksgiving. But fear an even worse Christmas. And my daughter will be home from college for a month at that time. I don't want her involved in any of the nastiness that could come.

I'll figure it out. I know that. And I"m going to continue moving forward.

Hey Maresydoats, it sure sounds like you are doing what you need to do.

I hope you have a good support network and kudos for finding meds that work. Depression is a tricky condition.

How are you today?

Do you have any upcoming holiday plans and a support network to help?

I have an appointment with the paralegal on 12/5 to decide when to proceed. The entire family is spending Thanksgiving together - which means my 2 kids, him and his 3 kids and 2 grandchildren. Holidays are usually a drunken disaster so I'm interested to see if he stays sober. Not that it would change anything. All of the kids know what my plans are, but I'm trying to keep them out of it (even though they are all adults). I have my sisters and several good friends who are holding my hand through all of this.

It's tricky. Your situation is even more complicated with kids but I did think about xmas (and birthdays, mine being in a few weeks as is his) and the impact of breaking up now. Your kids knowing what is going on is great.

I don't know if it helps but I came to the conclusion that maybe it would be better to tear off that bandaid and face the fact that xmas and the holidays will not be with him. The sooner I get used to it the better. It's going to be sad but atleast next year I can hope for it to be better. Maybe your kids will appreciate that more? Just my 2 cents.

Glad you got the medication worked out. You are sounding strong!

The fact that you are worried that his nastiness will show up if you tell him of your plans speaks volumes to me. So as long as you play by his rules all will be well. That is how much respect he has for you. I am glad you are certain that you are done with him. If he shows you a very ugly side when you serve him the papers then that is who you are really living with.

Yes, tough decision, maybe if Thanksgiving is a "drunken disaster" it will propel you to file the next day? There is no good time to file, per se, but you will know when the timing is right.

You are moving forward, that's what counts. You don't ever have to have a drunken disaster of a holiday again!

Trailmix - I find myself hoping that he will get drunk, so I have an "excuse". Even though I know I don't need an excuse. But yes, it would push me to just do it.

This limbo is so difficult. He doesn't believe I will leave him, so we just go through the days planning the holidays like nothing is wrong. I know he's bought me some Christmas gifts, and I have bought him some as well.

My hope is we can be civil and still have this last holiday with everyone together. My step kids and I still plan to have a relationship after the divorce. So I feel like he is controlling what happens this holiday and I can't figure out how to take my own power back. I can file beforehand, yes. But how he reacts to it may determine what the holiday looks like.