Please please help....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: raleigh, NC
Posts: 1
Please please help....
I have family who need help. I am on 3000 miles away and cannot go to them.
Here is the basic facts. It is just two of them. Mother and daughter. The Daughter (my cousin) has always been dysfunctional and has been using for years. She seems to be a pathological liar (for many years) but maybe it was the drugs. She has manipulated and lied to her mother since I can remember.
She has medical issues and can't really work. She needs to be on pain meds (at least that is what the medical providers are saying) However, she is a great liar and who knows. Regardless, she started to OD and have seizures due to pain narcotics and now is in a three week pain management rehab. She is not getting totally sober there because she has pain issues but they are trying to get her under control.
My Aunt (the father is dead) (no other real family near them) is co-dependent with the daughter. She feels like she needs to be involved in the daughter's recovery even though she is addicted to pain killers herself and is now going throw withdrawl. She is very sick too and knows that she needs to stop the meds. However, the daughter is making her feel quilty and saying that she needs her to help her. The aunt needs to take care of herself first.
In two weeks, the daughter is going to five times a week outpatient pain med rehab but she has no where to live. I really don't think going to her mother's house (where there will be drugs and alcohol present) is a good idea.
We live too far to go to them and the daughter can't come to us. So here are my questions:
1. Is there anything we can say or do to tell the mother to leave the daughter alone so that she can recover.
2. Where do people go who get out of rehab but have no home? Can social workers help?
3. anyone else with similar situations?
We keep calling but we don't know if we can help. The mother and daughter are making each other worse and feed off of each other. We don't want them to die. We are trying to get the mother to come to us for a while, but she won't leave the area where the daughter is.....
Here is the basic facts. It is just two of them. Mother and daughter. The Daughter (my cousin) has always been dysfunctional and has been using for years. She seems to be a pathological liar (for many years) but maybe it was the drugs. She has manipulated and lied to her mother since I can remember.
She has medical issues and can't really work. She needs to be on pain meds (at least that is what the medical providers are saying) However, she is a great liar and who knows. Regardless, she started to OD and have seizures due to pain narcotics and now is in a three week pain management rehab. She is not getting totally sober there because she has pain issues but they are trying to get her under control.
My Aunt (the father is dead) (no other real family near them) is co-dependent with the daughter. She feels like she needs to be involved in the daughter's recovery even though she is addicted to pain killers herself and is now going throw withdrawl. She is very sick too and knows that she needs to stop the meds. However, the daughter is making her feel quilty and saying that she needs her to help her. The aunt needs to take care of herself first.
In two weeks, the daughter is going to five times a week outpatient pain med rehab but she has no where to live. I really don't think going to her mother's house (where there will be drugs and alcohol present) is a good idea.
We live too far to go to them and the daughter can't come to us. So here are my questions:
1. Is there anything we can say or do to tell the mother to leave the daughter alone so that she can recover.
2. Where do people go who get out of rehab but have no home? Can social workers help?
3. anyone else with similar situations?
We keep calling but we don't know if we can help. The mother and daughter are making each other worse and feed off of each other. We don't want them to die. We are trying to get the mother to come to us for a while, but she won't leave the area where the daughter is.....
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Sobe...welcome to SR,
The sad truth is that there is not alot you can do. Sometimes a rehab will find placement but that involves shelters. My son has stayed in shelters before while going to an outpatient program. When he wanted it he was willing to go to any length. When he doesn't there is nothing I can do to make him.
Even if you could bring her to your home you could not make her stay sober. That part is up to her. You can be supportive through phone calls and letters.
Hang in there,
JT
The sad truth is that there is not alot you can do. Sometimes a rehab will find placement but that involves shelters. My son has stayed in shelters before while going to an outpatient program. When he wanted it he was willing to go to any length. When he doesn't there is nothing I can do to make him.
Even if you could bring her to your home you could not make her stay sober. That part is up to her. You can be supportive through phone calls and letters.
Hang in there,
JT
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi sobe,
Welcome. Sorry I don't have an easy answer for you.
Pain meds are a hard issue. My husband OD'd on pain meds, and it took him another year to get off of them. Even now, it's hard to watch him deal with the pain and not have the option that others have to deal with it. There are alternatives. He is working with antidepressants that help him cope better, but it's a long slow process of trial and error. And it doesn't remove the struggle. It only helps coping with it.
There are other things which can help. Self hypnosis, meditation, massage therapy. But again, it isn't a fix, just a tool.
The thing is, the person has to want to stop, and be willing to work at finding alternatives before there can be any recovery. Those who are addictive have two things going against them; the addiction that perpetuates abuse of the medication, and the pain that drives them back to it. It is a very difficult thing to escape.
Take care of yourself and your family first. If you choose to be involved with this situation, it has a big possibility of sucking you in and pulling you and your loved ones down. There are support groups, such as Al-Anon, that teach us coping skills in dealing with addiction. But it is not something that you should try to handle on your own. If your Aunt is interested in support and help with dealing with this, this website can give you, and/or her the information to find an Al-Anon group in either local area:
http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html
I am not up on finding housing for people who don't have a place to live. Most recovery housing requires abstinence, so I don't know how they would handle the meds.
I hope that things work out ok for your loved ones. You are in my prayers. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. Sorry I don't have an easy answer for you.
Pain meds are a hard issue. My husband OD'd on pain meds, and it took him another year to get off of them. Even now, it's hard to watch him deal with the pain and not have the option that others have to deal with it. There are alternatives. He is working with antidepressants that help him cope better, but it's a long slow process of trial and error. And it doesn't remove the struggle. It only helps coping with it.
There are other things which can help. Self hypnosis, meditation, massage therapy. But again, it isn't a fix, just a tool.
The thing is, the person has to want to stop, and be willing to work at finding alternatives before there can be any recovery. Those who are addictive have two things going against them; the addiction that perpetuates abuse of the medication, and the pain that drives them back to it. It is a very difficult thing to escape.
Take care of yourself and your family first. If you choose to be involved with this situation, it has a big possibility of sucking you in and pulling you and your loved ones down. There are support groups, such as Al-Anon, that teach us coping skills in dealing with addiction. But it is not something that you should try to handle on your own. If your Aunt is interested in support and help with dealing with this, this website can give you, and/or her the information to find an Al-Anon group in either local area:
http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html
I am not up on finding housing for people who don't have a place to live. Most recovery housing requires abstinence, so I don't know how they would handle the meds.
I hope that things work out ok for your loved ones. You are in my prayers. Hugs, Magic
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