Husband is home from rehab and I'm lost and confused
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Originally Posted by ChloeRose63 
You need to work on yourself before anything else. Fighting with him and forcing him to behave in a certain way because you need it is not healthy.
and in backing off, I noticed that he has come around a little bit. He communicated that coming home was so overwhelming and really hard. but he will not go into detail about why it's so hard. He seems a little bit less confident than he was... He's kinda walking with his head down a little bit and his matter is a bit milder.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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What you must realize is that you are not his sponsor. He is not going to share every thought that is going through his head right now, and that is absolutely ok. He has to work through this himself, you cannot do it for him nor can you make him act in any certain way. It's going to be a day at a time, and some days will look different than others.
Give him the space he needs. Encourage him, but don't try to get in his head. It's not good for him, or for you. Focus on yourself and making yourself happy right now.
Give him the space he needs. Encourage him, but don't try to get in his head. It's not good for him, or for you. Focus on yourself and making yourself happy right now.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
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Lioness147,
He put himself through Rehab, Is he also getting support from a sponsor in AA. He needs that to help guide him through this new phase of his life. Otherwise he will be wandering around in the dark so to say. Which it seams like your seeing. It will take him time to process everything he has been through in rehab. You focusing on your self and not him is the medicine you need right now. It will help you get better. Take each day one at a time. Be strong for yourself and have a great day.
He put himself through Rehab, Is he also getting support from a sponsor in AA. He needs that to help guide him through this new phase of his life. Otherwise he will be wandering around in the dark so to say. Which it seams like your seeing. It will take him time to process everything he has been through in rehab. You focusing on your self and not him is the medicine you need right now. It will help you get better. Take each day one at a time. Be strong for yourself and have a great day.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Hello,
Yes he is attending AA meetings and was set up with a Sponsor. He is being proactive, I will give him that and has stated that he never wants to go through that again.
Reading these posts have really helped me understand what he's going through. I even thought that maybe he met someone at rehab and no longer loved me because of how different he came back lol. My over thinking brain plays tricks on me sometimes.
Yes he is attending AA meetings and was set up with a Sponsor. He is being proactive, I will give him that and has stated that he never wants to go through that again.
Reading these posts have really helped me understand what he's going through. I even thought that maybe he met someone at rehab and no longer loved me because of how different he came back lol. My over thinking brain plays tricks on me sometimes.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I haven't read all the replies but you know you can spend years watching someone drink - but perhaps with space in there for some "sober" days and think IF he/she would just stop drinking it could be more like the "normal, sober" days and all would be well.
That's not actually true. The drinking is one thing. What that drinking is masking and the changes it makes to the brain are entirely different things.
Drinking may be propping up the person, even when they are a few days "sober" they aren't really. The effects of the alcohol continue and drives them to the next drinking session. Relief from feeling emotion or dealing with life in the real world is but a few shots or beers away (well more than a few).
So no, when they return from rehab "sober" that's just a drop in the bucket of the adjustments and rebuilding they will have to do.
It's tough on everyone involved.
That's not actually true. The drinking is one thing. What that drinking is masking and the changes it makes to the brain are entirely different things.
Drinking may be propping up the person, even when they are a few days "sober" they aren't really. The effects of the alcohol continue and drives them to the next drinking session. Relief from feeling emotion or dealing with life in the real world is but a few shots or beers away (well more than a few).
So no, when they return from rehab "sober" that's just a drop in the bucket of the adjustments and rebuilding they will have to do.
It's tough on everyone involved.
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I heard some analogy that stoping drinking is a bit like putting the breaks on really hard in a car with a bunch of stuff in the back. Once you hit the breaks all the stuff flies forward and hits you in the back of the head. It probably hits your family too. . . . hmmm . . . .I'm not sure that makes any sense. I heard it a long time ago.
Let us know how you get on.
Let us know how you get on.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 25
Hi Lioness,
I don't have too much to add that others haven't already said, but I just wanted to say it was very similar for my boyfriend when he got out of rehab. I wanted to know everything going on in his head and the distance made me sad and confused. Al-anon meetings helped, keeping busy, and trying to make sure to have compassion for him.
My boyfriend had just graduated law school when his drinking spiraled out of control. He said he would rather go through three years of law school again than another 30 days of rehab. Yet he also got very close to the people there (makes sense with all the group therapy). I didn't understand and I still don't, really, but I keep reminding myself that anyone would have a hard time re-adjusting.
I don't have too much to add that others haven't already said, but I just wanted to say it was very similar for my boyfriend when he got out of rehab. I wanted to know everything going on in his head and the distance made me sad and confused. Al-anon meetings helped, keeping busy, and trying to make sure to have compassion for him.
My boyfriend had just graduated law school when his drinking spiraled out of control. He said he would rather go through three years of law school again than another 30 days of rehab. Yet he also got very close to the people there (makes sense with all the group therapy). I didn't understand and I still don't, really, but I keep reminding myself that anyone would have a hard time re-adjusting.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Originally Posted by snitchcharm
Hi Lioness,
I don't have too much to add that others haven't already said, but I just wanted to say it was very similar for my boyfriend when he got out of rehab. I wanted to know everything going on in his head and the distance made me sad and confused. Al-anon meetings helped, keeping busy, and trying to make sure to have compassion for him.
My boyfriend had just graduated law school when his drinking spiraled out of control. He said he would rather go through three years of law school again than another 30 days of rehab. Yet he also got very close to the people there (makes sense with all the group therapy). I didn't understand and I still don't, really, but I keep reminding myself that anyone would have a hard time re-adjusting.
I don't have too much to add that others haven't already said, but I just wanted to say it was very similar for my boyfriend when he got out of rehab. I wanted to know everything going on in his head and the distance made me sad and confused. Al-anon meetings helped, keeping busy, and trying to make sure to have compassion for him.
My boyfriend had just graduated law school when his drinking spiraled out of control. He said he would rather go through three years of law school again than another 30 days of rehab. Yet he also got very close to the people there (makes sense with all the group therapy). I didn't understand and I still don't, really, but I keep reminding myself that anyone would have a hard time re-adjusting.
It's still super early on, so I have given him space and I am not interrogating him as I was lol that seems to help.
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sc.....that gives you a clue as to how hard early recovery is.....Law school is hell in many ways....but, facing your own self, and all of your demons without your main coping mechanism (alcohol) to soften the blows...is a deeper plunge into hellishness....
this is true for all of us...facing ourselves can be the most frightening thing any of us ever have to face. It takes real courage and it...is...scary....
lol...I didn't go to Law School....but, I saw lots of other people who did....Yikes.
this is true for all of us...facing ourselves can be the most frightening thing any of us ever have to face. It takes real courage and it...is...scary....
lol...I didn't go to Law School....but, I saw lots of other people who did....Yikes.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Originally Posted by dandylion
sc.....that gives you a clue as to how hard early recovery is.....Law school is hell in many ways....but, facing your own self, and all of your demons without your main coping mechanism (alcohol) to soften the blows...is a deeper plunge into hellishness....
this is true for all of us...facing ourselves can be the most frightening thing any of us ever have to face. It takes real courage and it...is...scary....
lol...I didn't go to Law School....but, I saw lots of other people who did....Yikes.
this is true for all of us...facing ourselves can be the most frightening thing any of us ever have to face. It takes real courage and it...is...scary....
lol...I didn't go to Law School....but, I saw lots of other people who did....Yikes.
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Since Thursday, I feel like he's changed. In 38 days he came back sober but distant and looks distracted or bored.
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Join Date: Sep 2023
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Originally Posted by Lioness147
Hello,
Yes he is attending AA meetings and was set up with a Sponsor. He is being proactive, I will give him that and has stated that he never wants to go through that again.
Reading these posts have really helped me understand what he's going through. I even thought that maybe he met someone at rehab and no longer loved me because of how different he came back lol. My over thinking brain plays tricks on me sometimes.
Yes he is attending AA meetings and was set up with a Sponsor. He is being proactive, I will give him that and has stated that he never wants to go through that again.
Reading these posts have really helped me understand what he's going through. I even thought that maybe he met someone at rehab and no longer loved me because of how different he came back lol. My over thinking brain plays tricks on me sometimes.
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