I'm sorry that I come here when my mind just can't take things anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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I'm sorry that I come here when my mind just can't take things anymore.
Talked to Drama Queen daughter today. I try, I try for my family. So she calls me up and she is crying. I told her to tell me what the problem was. She started b!tching about her ex. I told her that I can talk to her about solutions but I will not listen to BS. (I did say this a lot nicer).
Guess I didn't sympathize enough with her and her ex enough like she wanted me to. I told her previously that I wouldn't be doing that, but if she needed someone to help her navigate the courts and what she can do that I will do that for her. I told her that she keeps complaining about the ex, but what is your plan, what is your focus.
She was getting very upset, and she kept telling me that she is my daughter and that I should be on her side. I told her again, that I am not choosing sides since all I am hearing is he said/she said, and that I will listen to what she says and give her my best recommendation of what she should do or say to her lawyer. She wouldn't leave it alone that she was my daughter and that I should be on her side. Well, I had enough at that point with her complaining about her abusive relationship and that I should be on her side, and I said to her, so where were you when I was getting a divorce? You were at the courthouse filing a Restraining Order against me, and you took your dads side of everything.
This may not make sense to people reading about my saga for the first time. I'm sorry for that. I just can't repeat all the other stuff right now.
So she gets an incoming phone call at that time and I just had a sigh of relief and thought she would never call me again.
I was wrong.
She called me back an hour and a half later. She is now telling me that she spent $200,000. so far on her divorce. She got $90,000 from the sale of her marital home in 6/2019. She is now down to $30,000. She tells me that she has a plan B for paying her bills. She has an old boyfriend that gives her money anytime she reaches out to him. Then she hit me with this. She told me she is seeing a married man. I asked her why? thinking that I could tell her that she is looking at the wrong type of man, and perhaps she could look at that. She told me that she is with him because he gives her $900. a month for her services.
I'm just really brain dead today. When she told me that, I told her I don't want to hear that. I didn't hear that, I don't want to talk about that, and that my dogs were dancing by the door and I had to take them out, and I hung up.
Guess I didn't sympathize enough with her and her ex enough like she wanted me to. I told her previously that I wouldn't be doing that, but if she needed someone to help her navigate the courts and what she can do that I will do that for her. I told her that she keeps complaining about the ex, but what is your plan, what is your focus.
She was getting very upset, and she kept telling me that she is my daughter and that I should be on her side. I told her again, that I am not choosing sides since all I am hearing is he said/she said, and that I will listen to what she says and give her my best recommendation of what she should do or say to her lawyer. She wouldn't leave it alone that she was my daughter and that I should be on her side. Well, I had enough at that point with her complaining about her abusive relationship and that I should be on her side, and I said to her, so where were you when I was getting a divorce? You were at the courthouse filing a Restraining Order against me, and you took your dads side of everything.
This may not make sense to people reading about my saga for the first time. I'm sorry for that. I just can't repeat all the other stuff right now.
So she gets an incoming phone call at that time and I just had a sigh of relief and thought she would never call me again.
I was wrong.
She called me back an hour and a half later. She is now telling me that she spent $200,000. so far on her divorce. She got $90,000 from the sale of her marital home in 6/2019. She is now down to $30,000. She tells me that she has a plan B for paying her bills. She has an old boyfriend that gives her money anytime she reaches out to him. Then she hit me with this. She told me she is seeing a married man. I asked her why? thinking that I could tell her that she is looking at the wrong type of man, and perhaps she could look at that. She told me that she is with him because he gives her $900. a month for her services.
I'm just really brain dead today. When she told me that, I told her I don't want to hear that. I didn't hear that, I don't want to talk about that, and that my dogs were dancing by the door and I had to take them out, and I hung up.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Wow, that's a lot to process Amy.
If you are in any way thinking you didn't handle this well (I don't know that you are) please don't think that. You were blindsided in this phone call.
Your Daughter obviously has some issues she deals with and you are obviously going to get some blame here, because that is just how it works, unfortunately.
You have decided that blindly listening and commiserating with her is not to her advantage. You have offered the help you are prepared to give and if that isn't enough, well what can you do?
As for the married man and the money - what a shocker! It really was best to leave the conversation at that point don't you think? That's not something you can just start having a conversation about on the spur of the moment, or decide to never speak about if that is what you want.
Anyway, sounds horrible and upsetting.
If you are in any way thinking you didn't handle this well (I don't know that you are) please don't think that. You were blindsided in this phone call.
Your Daughter obviously has some issues she deals with and you are obviously going to get some blame here, because that is just how it works, unfortunately.
You have decided that blindly listening and commiserating with her is not to her advantage. You have offered the help you are prepared to give and if that isn't enough, well what can you do?
As for the married man and the money - what a shocker! It really was best to leave the conversation at that point don't you think? That's not something you can just start having a conversation about on the spur of the moment, or decide to never speak about if that is what you want.
Anyway, sounds horrible and upsetting.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
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Ohmigoodness! I got exhausted just from reading your post Amy, I can't imagine what it must be like to actually endure listening to some of the things your DQD says. I'm sorry that you go through these things with her. No mother would want to hear most of the things she says to you, but that last part..wow.. that's a doozie. Considering with whom you were speaking, I think you handled yourself in the best possible way.
I truly hope one day your daughter finds the help she needs to deal with her very obvious mental health issues. I can understand how talking with her must be a strain on your own sanity. Take good care of you, do something extra kind for yourself today.
*hugs*
I truly hope one day your daughter finds the help she needs to deal with her very obvious mental health issues. I can understand how talking with her must be a strain on your own sanity. Take good care of you, do something extra kind for yourself today.
*hugs*
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Amy55,
First wow.I want to say I think you handled the conversation magnificently . I think i would be in shock and brain dead also if I received calls like that from one of my kids. I don't think I would of changed anything you said or did.
You were firm with your DQD on that you would not take sides and offer to help her with her plan. Her bitching about her ex is not good for anyone and I'm glad you see that and hopefully your daughter will soon.
When I read that last paragraph my heart sank for you. I can't even imagine the pain of hearing that. You did right in finding a quick out off the phone. There was no good coming from that conversation with her only a lot of hurt. It's something that can be handled at a later time.
Why I don't know your back story from the first time you were here, I'll will read some today. We are here for you what ever the reason brings you here. We are a community, a family, a friend, that you can turn to for support. Be strong and know you are not alone.
First wow.I want to say I think you handled the conversation magnificently . I think i would be in shock and brain dead also if I received calls like that from one of my kids. I don't think I would of changed anything you said or did.
You were firm with your DQD on that you would not take sides and offer to help her with her plan. Her bitching about her ex is not good for anyone and I'm glad you see that and hopefully your daughter will soon.
When I read that last paragraph my heart sank for you. I can't even imagine the pain of hearing that. You did right in finding a quick out off the phone. There was no good coming from that conversation with her only a lot of hurt. It's something that can be handled at a later time.
Why I don't know your back story from the first time you were here, I'll will read some today. We are here for you what ever the reason brings you here. We are a community, a family, a friend, that you can turn to for support. Be strong and know you are not alone.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Wow. "Hi Mom, you never take my side and I hate my ex-husband and by the way I'm working as a call girl on retainer".
I think the only possible response to that is the one you gave - "sorry, I need to take the dogs for a walk".
I think the only possible response to that is the one you gave - "sorry, I need to take the dogs for a walk".
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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amy…...I think that it would be a good idea to cling close to the Serenity Prayer.....seriously!
I am so sorry that she did that verbal dump on you. (do you think she might have been drunk or on some agent?_....
I am so sorry that she did that verbal dump on you. (do you think she might have been drunk or on some agent?_....
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 528
Just saying so sorry.I know at some point with some people I got tired of complaints and I just wanted to see some effort in a positive direction
.although I have also been a relentless complainer at times. It really didn't get me anywhere to only complain. The rest of it...while it may be what is happening....sounds like it may come Down to you to reacting and losing your serenity.
.although I have also been a relentless complainer at times. It really didn't get me anywhere to only complain. The rest of it...while it may be what is happening....sounds like it may come Down to you to reacting and losing your serenity.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
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I hope for the sake of your own sanity you decide not to dig deeper into your daughters recent comments.
I am guessing she never brought this subject up before and just blurted it out recently. If true statements, what she blurted out may possibly just be the tip of an iceberg.
If questioned, she might tell you more - much more. More than you bargained for. Digging around even online may lead to a huge world of hurt.
I would think very carefully before trying to find out more. This type of thing may be best left in God's hands.
Im sorry Amy that you had to hear these words from your daughter.
I am guessing she never brought this subject up before and just blurted it out recently. If true statements, what she blurted out may possibly just be the tip of an iceberg.
If questioned, she might tell you more - much more. More than you bargained for. Digging around even online may lead to a huge world of hurt.
I would think very carefully before trying to find out more. This type of thing may be best left in God's hands.
Im sorry Amy that you had to hear these words from your daughter.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Dandy, to answer your question, I do think she abuses pain pills. She's not a drinker. I also strongly believe she has a personality disorder, whether it's borderline or histrionic I'm not sure.
I do know my best option is to stay No Contact with her. She had blocked me for about 2 years just recently, and they were the most stress free months that I have had.
I think I responded to her entire call the best that I could with the tools that I have to work with. I don't think there are any other tools that I can add in to deal with her.
I do try to deal with her for my grandchildren, my 2 other children and for my mom who is 87 now.
I just don't know why she would tell me things like this when she had previously blamed me for calling CPS on her, that was when she decided to file a Restraining Order against me. I didn't call CPS.
Why would she tell me about her pimping herself out for money if she knows that I could tell her ex and she could even lose her supervised visitation with her children. I don't know if I should even believe that since she might have said it so that I would offer her $900 a month so that she didn't have to sell her body. But knowing her the way that I do, I do believe it, and if I did offer her the $900, she would continue her lifestyle with an extra $900. to burn each month.
So, she waited till last night to call my son to complain about me and how I am not on her side. (lol) My son asked me a few questions about that phone call and I answered them. He told me that he knew I wouldn't have said those things and he told DQ that she probably misheard me.
The other thing that I think she might be doing here is trying to turn my family against me like she did try when she filed that RO. She was visiting my family unannounced to complain about me, but I have really good cousins and they didn't believe a word she said.
My son just wants peace in the family so that he doesn't have to plan different dates for all celebration and holidays, and I agree with him on that.
I do tell my DQ all the time the serenity prayer. I tell her that you cannot change another person, that you can't force people to do what you want them to do, and that she needs to have everything in her child custody battle written by the court and then she can enforce it. I tell her she can't change her in-laws, and she has the right to accept them as they are or just ignore them.
Her initial reason to call me yesterday was to complain about her ex. He had texted her while she had the children about switching the weekends, this would have given her almost all the Monday Holidays. I didn't see anything wrong with that, but that would turn her life all around and how could he do that to her, and now he will go to court and say that he tried to give her extra days and that she didn't want them, and it was all to make her look bad.
The other thing she told me is that the court order states that she needs to be in therapy, and she also needs co-parenting classes. She told me that the co-parenting class told her she didn't need to go to these, but they won't give her a letter stating this, but she recorded this on her phone. She told me that it would be a conflict of interest for her to be in therapy and co-parenting at the same time. You know my head was exploding then. But I got through that and I finally got her to stop her crying.
IDK, sometimes I need to write things down, so that I can get them out of my head.
And, NO, I will not pick up a drink over this. My life has gotten so much better since I stopped using that as a crutch to lean on.
Thanks for listening,
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
I do know my best option is to stay No Contact with her. She had blocked me for about 2 years just recently, and they were the most stress free months that I have had.
I think I responded to her entire call the best that I could with the tools that I have to work with. I don't think there are any other tools that I can add in to deal with her.
I do try to deal with her for my grandchildren, my 2 other children and for my mom who is 87 now.
I just don't know why she would tell me things like this when she had previously blamed me for calling CPS on her, that was when she decided to file a Restraining Order against me. I didn't call CPS.
Why would she tell me about her pimping herself out for money if she knows that I could tell her ex and she could even lose her supervised visitation with her children. I don't know if I should even believe that since she might have said it so that I would offer her $900 a month so that she didn't have to sell her body. But knowing her the way that I do, I do believe it, and if I did offer her the $900, she would continue her lifestyle with an extra $900. to burn each month.
So, she waited till last night to call my son to complain about me and how I am not on her side. (lol) My son asked me a few questions about that phone call and I answered them. He told me that he knew I wouldn't have said those things and he told DQ that she probably misheard me.
The other thing that I think she might be doing here is trying to turn my family against me like she did try when she filed that RO. She was visiting my family unannounced to complain about me, but I have really good cousins and they didn't believe a word she said.
My son just wants peace in the family so that he doesn't have to plan different dates for all celebration and holidays, and I agree with him on that.
I do tell my DQ all the time the serenity prayer. I tell her that you cannot change another person, that you can't force people to do what you want them to do, and that she needs to have everything in her child custody battle written by the court and then she can enforce it. I tell her she can't change her in-laws, and she has the right to accept them as they are or just ignore them.
Her initial reason to call me yesterday was to complain about her ex. He had texted her while she had the children about switching the weekends, this would have given her almost all the Monday Holidays. I didn't see anything wrong with that, but that would turn her life all around and how could he do that to her, and now he will go to court and say that he tried to give her extra days and that she didn't want them, and it was all to make her look bad.
The other thing she told me is that the court order states that she needs to be in therapy, and she also needs co-parenting classes. She told me that the co-parenting class told her she didn't need to go to these, but they won't give her a letter stating this, but she recorded this on her phone. She told me that it would be a conflict of interest for her to be in therapy and co-parenting at the same time. You know my head was exploding then. But I got through that and I finally got her to stop her crying.
IDK, sometimes I need to write things down, so that I can get them out of my head.
And, NO, I will not pick up a drink over this. My life has gotten so much better since I stopped using that as a crutch to lean on.
Thanks for listening,
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I will not be digging any deeper into this, if it comes up again I will shut down that conversation also. I want to be like those monkeys with See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil.
I'm happy that I live about 4 hrs away from her, I'm happy that I am in a bad school district, I'm happy that I live in another State from her because she can never try to move in with me and have visitation or custody of her children here. I did plan that out. (lol)
(((((hugs)))))
amy
I'm happy that I live about 4 hrs away from her, I'm happy that I am in a bad school district, I'm happy that I live in another State from her because she can never try to move in with me and have visitation or custody of her children here. I did plan that out. (lol)
(((((hugs)))))
amy
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Why does she tell you these things?
Drama is her drug.
Any response she can provoke from you becomes ammunition to circle back to others in the family to provoke THEM.
It’s terrible that her kids are exposed to all of this and honestly, I’m just glad their father does seem to be reasonably sane.
But you can’t fix that situation for them, sadly.
The only way to win is not to play, yes?
Sending you a hug....
Drama is her drug.
Any response she can provoke from you becomes ammunition to circle back to others in the family to provoke THEM.
It’s terrible that her kids are exposed to all of this and honestly, I’m just glad their father does seem to be reasonably sane.
But you can’t fix that situation for them, sadly.
The only way to win is not to play, yes?
Sending you a hug....
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
You can’t pick your family...
I have no answers. All my qualifiers are dead and I am left with one extremely toxic sibling who sounds a lot like your daughter in many ways.
so.... I was immediately reminded of a very funny joke which I will share as laughter is our only hope...
a guy guy walks up to a pretty girl in a bar and says “would you sleep with me For $1,000,000.00 and she says “maybe” and he then asks “will you sleep with me for $50.00?” And she slaps him across the cheek and angrily shouts “what kind of girl do you think I am!”
He says “ we already eatablished what kind of girl you are and now I was just negotiating price!”
So.... I have been telling that joke for years and most likely we may all have a price ($1,000,000,000.00) a trillion could feed all the poor in the world! Maybe Mother Teresa would have caved at 10 trillion....probably not!
anyway... tell your daughter a poster agrees she needs serious therapy soon if she thinks it’s a good idea to tell mom that her body is for sale. Weird.
dont engage if you can. They are like vacuums set on high trying to “get a rise out of you”...
I often turn things in their head...
“Oh honey”. ... selling your body and wrecking a marriage for 900 bucks a month! Do you perform daily? Anything twisted? Does he take you to dinner? Pay you extra for use of your sheets saving motel fees?
dies he tip? How is he endowed?
a bit if that and she will quit calling.
don’t do any of that but I hope you laughed. You can’t make this stuff up....
so.... I was immediately reminded of a very funny joke which I will share as laughter is our only hope...
a guy guy walks up to a pretty girl in a bar and says “would you sleep with me For $1,000,000.00 and she says “maybe” and he then asks “will you sleep with me for $50.00?” And she slaps him across the cheek and angrily shouts “what kind of girl do you think I am!”
He says “ we already eatablished what kind of girl you are and now I was just negotiating price!”
So.... I have been telling that joke for years and most likely we may all have a price ($1,000,000,000.00) a trillion could feed all the poor in the world! Maybe Mother Teresa would have caved at 10 trillion....probably not!
anyway... tell your daughter a poster agrees she needs serious therapy soon if she thinks it’s a good idea to tell mom that her body is for sale. Weird.
dont engage if you can. They are like vacuums set on high trying to “get a rise out of you”...
I often turn things in their head...
“Oh honey”. ... selling your body and wrecking a marriage for 900 bucks a month! Do you perform daily? Anything twisted? Does he take you to dinner? Pay you extra for use of your sheets saving motel fees?
dies he tip? How is he endowed?
a bit if that and she will quit calling.
don’t do any of that but I hope you laughed. You can’t make this stuff up....
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Lol at what Hopeworks said. I have 2 sisters-in-law that did this abusive (and it IS abuse) behaviour to their parents, especially their Mom. She's trying to shock you with the info about the guy paying her for sex. It doesn't matter if she's mentally ill or not, you don't have to listen to it.
My heart breaks for you since it's your DAUGHTER. I can't imagine the pain you are dealing with. Watching my sweet in-laws being mentally abused and tormented by their daughters was heart-wrenching.
No helpful advice, just support and immense awe that you aren't drinking at this.
My heart breaks for you since it's your DAUGHTER. I can't imagine the pain you are dealing with. Watching my sweet in-laws being mentally abused and tormented by their daughters was heart-wrenching.
No helpful advice, just support and immense awe that you aren't drinking at this.
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